Aibu to find this surprisingly irritating?

[Notquitefeelingit]

Doing school drop off this morning and one of the mums told me that I looked exhausted. I realise it's not big in the great scheme of things but it's the school run! Most of us are exhausted/don't look our best sans make up before the caffeine kicks in. I think I just stared blankly at her and said 'Yes.' It just felt like I was being told how shit I looked to my face. Why do people do this?

I agree, it's very unnecessary and a bit tactless.

Yes, a bit tactless, but she was probably sympathising.

Ha yep I hate being told that one!! It suggests you look like shit and you're not coping!

Neither of which are true OP!

I hate it when people say this.

Normally when someone tells me that I look exhausted it's as a prelude to offering some help, or enquiring as to whether everything is okay.

If you always look exhausted then maybe there's something you have to stop doing so that you can be not exhausted. If it was just a one-off then at least it can be a starting point for a conversation: "Yes, the beer at knit night was much stronger than I expected! I'm looking forward to catching up on sleep tonight." Sort of thing.

I don't think you have to interpret it as a judgement of you failing. Is there any particular reason why you might think it was meant in that way?

every time i see my mother she tells me how tired i look..... even if i have made an effort and put some make up on, really gets my goat! Its rude, she does it to my sister too, we have a laugh about it

I didn't think it meant I was failing, I just thought it was unnecessary. I am exhausted. I have a ten month old baby who's teething. There's not too much I can do about it.... And I definitely don't have the time to even try early in the morning.

MIL tells me I look tired every time I visit her house 'au naturel'. I use this to my advantage, by insisting that every time DH says we're off to MIL's house, I must spend an extra half hour applying my non-tired face. Shaves half an hour off the time I must sit and listen to her useless drivel.

I sympathise with you OP, it is definitely NOT a compliment.

Oh my Mum didn't speak to a friend of my Dads for years for saying this!

Apparently I look "tired" whenever I go out without eye make up on.Cheers!

It's just an expression of sympathy

The person was sympathising with you, trying to be nice.

My friend was once told she looked like a 'really tired little boy' when dropping her kids to school.
Apparently she looked exhausted and the lack of make up made her look like a little boy.
It was the first (and last) time she went out without make up.

Perhaps she was attempting to express concern for your well being?

I've said this to people, in a "are you ok, you look tired" way not in a "you're failing and look like shit" way. I guess it depends how sensitive you are in which way you want to take it.

Vonvon people who are exhausted usually are a bit sensitive

Aridane do you think so? She's quite outspoken. I like her, I just think she says whatever comes into her head. I think if a friend or family member says Oh poor you, you look exhausted, what can I do to help' that's a bit different.

I really hate this too. It's a pretty insensitive thing to say and is not at all helpful.

I don't like it when people say "youre looking well", either. What they actually mean is "you're looking fat"

that's a bit unnecessarily truthful!

Could be worse, she could have said it when you weren't exhausted in the least!

I picked up a takeaway last week about 9.30pm. The lady behind the counter (we go there reasonably often) said "My goodness - you look exhausted - so sleepy" I replied yes it's been a long day (hence the takeaway at 9.30pm) and she then said "are you sure you're safe to drive? You really do look exhausted"

I knew I was tired but didn't know I looked that bad! She should have have said "Wow notfrom - you look like shit" because I'm pretty sure that is what she meant. Had to laugh about it, she was bang on the money - I did look like shit. The comment was well worth it - the takeaway was delish!

I don't like it when people say "youre looking well", either. What they actually mean is "you're looking fat" You may mean that when you say it, it doesn't mean to say other people mean that.

I've said this to people, in a "are you ok, you look tired" way not in a "you're failing and look like shit" way. I guess it depends how sensitive you are in which way you want to take it.

It's still commenting negatively on someone's appearance. You don't have to be sensitive to find that unwelcome.

It comes across as rude even if that wasn't the intention.

Bloody hell I wouldn't dream of saying that to a random mother on the school run, I would maybe say 'you look tired are you ok' if it was close family and I was concerned!
How rude!

My partner always asks me why I feel the need to spend 20 minutes or more every day putting on a full face of makeup purely for the nursery run...
Well it's shit like this