Fallen out with very close friend help!

[Jazminpoppy]

Hi all, I really need some advice , especially female advice
Ok so here goes , please bare with me. I feel a very good friend of mine has not been very 'sisterly' breaking friendship code and I pulled her up on it .
We were at a reunion and stood chatting to another childhood friend about the signs of ageing ( were 38) when she turned around and said a comment about the only reason I don not have any grey hair is because I dye it while tapping the top of my head with a really nasty screwed up face . The wierd thing is I do not have any grey hair and she knows this she's a hairdresser an has done my hair many times plus we see each other atleast once a week and she knows this. However she does have alot of grey hair and I know she is sensitive about it.
So I know this doesn't sound like much but I felt she was trying to humiliate me In front of other old school friends to make herself feel better. I thought to myself why has she just done that? But thought I would pull her up on it when we are next alone.
Now this friend is quite an outspoken person and she can have a sarcastic style humour so you get a picture of her I love her to bits and feel we have a fab relationship however recently I would say she has been in a bad place , which she has said to me .
Recently I have noticed she had been giving me lots of backhanded compliments for example : your hair looks better that colour you looked terrible before ...and : your skin looks flawless today , your looking really pale but skin looks good today...your figure is curvy it suits you ....it reminds me of....and then she would point out someone alot bigger than myself. You look better today . It's all a bit passive aggressive TBF.
Now I am a happy holiday lucky kind of girl I have good female friendships, I am a girls girl and I love my friends I knew she was in a bad place so inlet things go , life's short and I am blessed with three beautiful , healthy children. My life is far from perfect , I am a single parent which I personally love, I have little money but I'm very content with my little life. I try not to let things get to me but I felt the comment about my hair was a step too far. I don't see why I should be treated like that when I'm a very loyal friend and you me there are certain things female friends shouldn't do to other female friends it's part of the in written rules of sisterhood and tearing a fellow friend down to your other friends is just mean .
I called her up a few days later, we were generally chatting and getting on well so I started to mention it .
I said hun why did you do that to me at the event? One it's not true and two it's just a bit catty , she then exploded on the phone calling me a liar and then laughed and said I won't go back on what I said I stand by it really angrily , i just couldn't believe it!
I ended up hanging up the phone and then she sent me a series of what's app mesaages that sounded quite uppity and bolshy saying I'm not backing down , ii stand by what I say whatever you message back won't make a difference as it won't change what was said at the time .
I answer her by saying I know she's in a bad place and here for here if she needs me but I refuse to be treated badly . Now today is her birthday I just dropped a card to her house she was out so I put it through her letterbox. She's messages me saying fuck off and that I have really hurt her with my words !

Please can you let me know if I was being Unreasonable to pull her up on what she said ? I'm feeling so sad .

Ignore the typos please and I didn't mean happy holiday haha I meant happy go lucky kind of girl haha sorry x

Sounds like you made something out of nothing there, but it also sounds like she has been looking for a reason to end the friendship too.

Probably best just to move on and let her make the next move if she wants to.

Hmm, she's not a friend, she's a frenemy. I'd be wary of her. YANBU, she was out of order, and was not being a friend.

Sounds like a lot of drama over not much. Do you dye your hair?

When friends like that get pulled up for it they do lose the plot in an over the score way.

You don’t really need her dragging you down, do you?

She’s a frenemy I’m afraid

I had a friend like this but I was in secondary school. Seems weird for a full grown woman to be acting that way.
Examples of friend were; in front of the boy i fancied "eurgh your breath stinks haven't you brushed your teeth today?" While I was stood eating chewing gum and knew my breath was fine. It was said to embarrass me. Another time in front of a group of boys at lunch she randomly said "remember when you fell and slipped in the bath and banged your fanny and because it was bleeding you thought you had started your period" it was totally made up and hasn't happened to me she just wanted to see me squirm. Of course everyone laughed but I felt so embarrassed. Another I remember was "why do you pad your bras out, everyone knows you have no boobs".
Like I said we were 14, 15. It's behaviour I would expect from someone extremely immature and of school age.
Sounds like your friend puts you down because she's either a) jealous of you or b) insecure within herself.

She’s not your friend, Jeep your distance x

I don’t think you were U to pull her up on it, but I do think that generally when someone is unkind, confronting them afterwards rarely leads to apology. I hate the sort of passive aggressive double speak that your friend has been using, and agree with you that a friend shouldn’t be like that. I’d just step back for a while. You’ve been clear that you’re there for her. Maybe she will apologise or realise what she may lose if you distance yourself.

Thats a very over the top reaction from her when all you were doing is asking a civilised question tbh it sounds like she is jealous of you .

Your friend sounds like a school age mean girl, honestly. All those little backhanded comments would really put me off. They're hurtful and unnecessary. It seems she's trying to make herself feel better by putting you down. No one needs a "friend" like that.

You did nothing wrong really, friends can say if a comment made them feel weird and ask why - if I accidentally hurt/upset any of my friends I would feel awful!

From the other comments she makes, she doesn't sound nice at all.

She’s sounds jealous, and think you were correct to call her out on her hurtful comments. I also feel you’ll be much happier at a distance

. I'm not going to tell you not to get upset. You have a bloody good sob. I'm sure though deep down even if its in the depths of your subconscious You know you do not need of deserve friends like this.

I got rid of my "Friends" because they excluded me from a lot of things, and I've never looked back. The excuse was always "Oh we couldn't get hold of you". Miraculously they coukd when they wanted something.
I bumped into one of their aunts and she said. "Why don't you just give out Jen a call. She misses you. They all do. My reply was."Well they should have treated me properly"

I doubt you'll get one person saying you were wrong to pull her up. A lot of people are "in a bad place". Some would call it 'life'. We've all got our demons. However that doesn't give us the go ahead to insult people.
Calling someone out on flaw they might have is 13 year old behavior.
Mind you the 13 year olds I know don't behave like that.

Also wouldn't all people with grey hair have grey hair if they didnt dye it.

I had a friend like that. I didn’t really notice until later but there were lots of small digs that built up. It all blew up one evening completely out of the blue when we were in her house and she was trying to persuade me to do something I didn’t want to do, something very minor and suddenly she was telling me to sit down and listen to what she had to say. Apparently I was completely out of order and needed to be told where I was going wrong with my life and how I did my job. I decided to leave and she barred the door. Literally blocked my way out. When I went to the back door she got in front of me and barred the way again. I had to run to the front door again and push my way past her. At this point the only thing I had said was “I’m going home”.
I was genuinely quite scared. Luckily I only live on the next road so I walked quickly away but she stood in the middle of the road shouting about how I was a crap mum and rubbish at my job. I went straight round to my lovely neighbour who honestly thought someone had died as I stood sobbing on her doorstep. The “friend” then turned up in front of my house shouting even more abuse but luckily didn’t know I was next door. I would like to say I never spoke to her again but we worked together as well. Over the years she has tried to be friendly but I have remained professional but not friendly as such.
The best thing is she has now left for a new job but I have heard she was really hurt I didn’t get her a gift or sign her card or contact her to see how she is getting on. Well you reap what you sow and it is lovely now she isn’t here!

Thank you all so much for all of your replies , I don't know how to add your usernames . So thank you to all. It's nice to hear other opinions x

I had a friend like this a teenager. As I reached 19 I realised what an arse she was and let the friendship fizzle out.

You don't need friends like that OP. Sometimes you'll get a pang for your friendship and wonder if you should have continued it but just remind yourself why it ended in the first place.

No you do @blahblahblah18 😂🤣 but thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my question. I'm not a shallow person, I understand this is first world problems and all that but I came on here for advice as I didn't want to drag my other friends into something so silly. I know it probably seems petit but the last few years I have been through a hell of a lot health-wise I'm lucky to be alive , so I live my life day to day thinking life is short and do not worry about little things however I also do not want to make time for people in my life who are negative and dragging me down.
Thank you everyone else for your replies, it has pretty much confirmed what I already thought but sometimes it's nice to get an outside opinion xx

I'd say shes got mental health problems or is jealous of you or both.
Unless I got a really sincere apology and she promised never to be a bitch again I'd just drop her.
You can do without all that OP.

Bit mean blahblah?

OP give her a wide berth. Let her stew and think about what she's said. Some women aren't that nice to other women for various reasons. I remember a friend telling me not to wear something because it made me look big - I was a size 8 and about 7.6 stone. Whereas she was a size 16

Cheers @blahblahblah18 wishing you a lovely day 😘😊🤣

Another vote for dropping her. There is only one reason people have for saying stuff like that and it's to make them feel better by making someone else feel worse. That isn't being a friend. If she was half way decent she would apologise as soon as she realised she'd upset you. Instead she seemed glad. No matter what shit was going on in my life I wouldn't call someone else fat, it wouldn't do anything to help anyone

Some people are just cunts op!