Hi all, I really need some advice , especially female advice
Ok so here goes , please bare with me. I feel a very good friend of mine has not been very 'sisterly' breaking friendship code and I pulled her up on it .
We were at a reunion and stood chatting to another childhood friend about the signs of ageing ( were 38) when she turned around and said a comment about the only reason I don not have any grey hair is because I dye it while tapping the top of my head with a really nasty screwed up face . The wierd thing is I do not have any grey hair and she knows this she's a hairdresser an has done my hair many times plus we see each other atleast once a week and she knows this. However she does have alot of grey hair and I know she is sensitive about it.
So I know this doesn't sound like much but I felt she was trying to humiliate me In front of other old school friends to make herself feel better. I thought to myself why has she just done that? But thought I would pull her up on it when we are next alone.
Now this friend is quite an outspoken person and she can have a sarcastic style humour so you get a picture of her I love her to bits and feel we have a fab relationship however recently I would say she has been in a bad place , which she has said to me .
Recently I have noticed she had been giving me lots of backhanded compliments for example : your hair looks better that colour you looked terrible before ...and : your skin looks flawless today , your looking really pale but skin looks good today...your figure is curvy it suits you ....it reminds me of....and then she would point out someone alot bigger than myself. You look better today . It's all a bit passive aggressive TBF.
Now I am a happy holiday lucky kind of girl I have good female friendships, I am a girls girl and I love my friends I knew she was in a bad place so inlet things go , life's short and I am blessed with three beautiful , healthy children. My life is far from perfect , I am a single parent which I personally love, I have little money but I'm very content with my little life. I try not to let things get to me but I felt the comment about my hair was a step too far. I don't see why I should be treated like that when I'm a very loyal friend and you me there are certain things female friends shouldn't do to other female friends it's part of the in written rules of sisterhood and tearing a fellow friend down to your other friends is just mean .
I called her up a few days later, we were generally chatting and getting on well so I started to mention it .
I said hun why did you do that to me at the event? One it's not true and two it's just a bit catty , she then exploded on the phone calling me a liar and then laughed and said I won't go back on what I said I stand by it really angrily , i just couldn't believe it!
I ended up hanging up the phone and then she sent me a series of what's app mesaages that sounded quite uppity and bolshy saying I'm not backing down , ii stand by what I say whatever you message back won't make a difference as it won't change what was said at the time .
I answer her by saying I know she's in a bad place and here for here if she needs me but I refuse to be treated badly . Now today is her birthday I just dropped a card to her house she was out so I put it through her letterbox. She's messages me saying fuck off and that I have really hurt her with my words !
Please can you let me know if I was being Unreasonable to pull her up on what she said ? I'm feeling so sad .