To not rent out my spare room to my mate

[xuixo]

NC because I'm not exactly proud of this.

Months ago, my mate and I were speaking about this place I was about to move to, and the idea that maybe she could rent the spare bedroom (at 1/3 the market rate for a room rental here since she said that that's her budget and I don't really need the money anyway) once it's properly renovated (Dec) was tossed out. We've since talked about this on approx 3 separate occasions, albeit with no concrete plans or even a fixed rental figure.

The problem is that over the past month or so, I've decided against that initial proposition for two main reasons:

1. This property belongs to my DF so I haven't actually seen the interior layout when I was talking to my mate about the spare bedroom. Turns out, I had it all wrong in my head and the two rooms are not as spread out as I'd like it to be. Think something along the lines of the room doors being practically next to each other instead of being separated by a hallway and a right turn as is the case with my previous place.

1. I used to be adequately close to this mate but we've since drifted apart over the past 2 months. We've spoken for a grand total of about 30 mins during this period with the occasional one-liner text, and I now feel like the space is too "small" for me to be living with someone I'm not very close to (have never had a housemate before).

AIBU to rescind that offer from months back now that Dec is approaching? She's got a few other rentals she's currently looking at (though they're all probably about 20-45 mins away from her workplace as opposed to mine which is right across the street), so she's got options.

Apologies for the length of this post.

Not unreasonable at all.

Tell her ASAP so she can get on with looking for somewhere else knowing that your spare room isn't an option.

you need to tell her, but why would you want to share if you don't need the money ?

Not unreasonable.

I have a spare room and couldn't live with another person for the same reasons you mention. TBH unless a very good friend was about to become homeless I'd even struggle with having them here.

Yes I would take back the offer if you are not completely happy to go ahead. It might be a bit awkward but nowhere near as awkward as if you live together and hate it! There's no need to feel bad as you are not making her homeless if she has other options. It doesn't sound as if you are great friends anyway, more a case of it being incredibly convenient for her! And the layout of the doors does sound as if it could be very annoying.

Just tell her you have now seen it, and it doesn't lend itself to sharing after all, too small and too close together.

paintinmyhairAgain When I made the offer I was going through a bad breakup plus my best mate was being expatriated for work. In lieu with that, I guess I thought it'd be nice to have a housemate so I wouldn't have to come home to an empty house.

Clearly have not thought things through at all, in retrospect!

Not unreasonable at all tell her it’s too small and you need to use the spare room as wardrobe/office/storage.

xuixo thanks for the up date but you were in a different position then when you made the offer, you need to think about what suits you now, it's your home and you need to feel comfortable in it. room mates also bring up the aspects of partners staying over and those who think that once you've given them a coffee you've adopted them. been there and it's bloody difficult to shift them.

As PP have said YANBU but tell her straight away so she can concentrate on her other options.

I'd not commit firmly to anything. Just say you'll be moving in and want to see what it's like to live in on your own for a while before you decide. Don't commit to anything! Living alone is not for everyone and you may feel like you could use the company.

YANBU - but agree with PPs that you need to let her know as quickly as possible in case it affects budgeting plans for her with the assumption that she'll only need to find 1/3 of the usual rental rate.

Thanks everyone for the responses - will definitely be telling her tomorrow. I just feel incredibly awful about this because I'm essentially "going back on my word" and I don't want to be (or be perceived as) one of those "flaky" people that's always being complained about. Though of course, that's my personal separate issue.

Thanks again!

Its fine to explain that its smaller than expected and so you now wont be looking for a lodger.

Business is business, never let friend or family relationships get in the way of that. I've found the only way to keep things cordial is to be clear with people, this is business and I've got my cold hard cash/logistics head on for it, not my fluffy friendly one, two completely different things and I approach them differently. So no mates rates (a third of the market rate!!! I'd have bitten your hand off!), no doing favours unless both sides are completely happy with it. As you've found, it's nice to have these ideas, but in the cold light of day it often doesn't work out. I have moved in with a friend to a flat share once, it worked okay, but I did end up paying some of her rent (to the landlord, we were on the same footing tenancy-wise) temporarily on occasion as she had cash flow problems that I did not know about before moving in. Plus we'd both done house shares before, so a lot of stuff did not need ironing out through bitter first experiences. Either thing could have ended our friendship in other circumstances. Just be clear with your friend now so she has time to sort herself out.

Not being unreasonable at all....A third of market rate? Are you a charity?!
I let my DS's girlfriend move in at about that rate, as they were saving for a deposit on a house [which they now have], but house sharing is tricky at the best of times, maybe more so with a friend.
I know a person who ''peppercorn rent'' shared with a student friend, and he soon got resentful... his other house sharer paid full rent, and the ''peppercorn'' rent person was at home a lot [student] and had heating on all day, the bills were not covered by his cheapo rent!...he had to be asked to leave, which fractured their friendship for good.

“Hi! How is house hunting going? Looks like the set up here won’t work as a share, so am available to do an ikea visit for both our houses if you fancy it!”

Xuixo...An ''empty'' house ids far better than a shared one where there is stress and tension...I know where you are coming from, especially after a painful break up, but it can be lovely living 'alone' once you get used to it...many people could never go back to 'sharing' especially if they don't need the money to cover costs of rent/mortgage.

I think that would only work if you were flat hunting together with the intention of moving in together and sharing all bills equally. You'd be incredibly resentful at her paying so much less but taking up equal space. And you don't need the money - that doesn't mean you want to subsidise your friend's rent. I'm sure you could save it if you don't have anything to spend it on.

Could you say your dad won't allow it?

not unreasonable at all, when the initial suggestion was made you obviously needed a bit of support having gone through a bad break up, you have since drifted apart somewhat and you cant need to have the extra support now time has moved on a little, dont be hard on yourself.

if it makes you feel better every single day i drift back to when i lived alone and how great it was, i love DH and DS more than anything but at least one point in the day i find myself longing to live alone usually when I am cleaning pee off the bog seat or picking something up I've asked them to move 20 times already that day,

Actually, I get the 1/3rd thing. It's a mate - so without the stress / hassle of a stranger in your living space - but with the advantage of geting some cash (most likely tax free).

However, YANBU - just let her know asap.

Agree that if you're 100% happy then best not to go ahead, could give you grief further down the line.

You don't need the money? Well, regardless, it's not a good idea to plant in someone's head that you somehow 'owe' them concessions because you're better off than they are. I get wanting to help a friend out but this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen in terms of potential for you to perceive friend as taking advantage, in fact you're already uneasy about this.

Just be straight, say on reflection you have changed your mind because the house is less spacious than you'd like for a shared accommodation scenario and you feel it will impact on your friendship to blur the boundaries with the landlord/renter element.

Tell her somthing has turned up in the house deeds or somesuch waffle that resrticts sub letting. shes not likely to know!..

Better to tell her now, it will be so much harder to ask her to leave once she has moved in.

you made a really kind offer.so the thought was there.people change.times change.its not as if you just don't want her there.youve looked at the house.youve looked at ur current emotional state.youve looked at your relationship and sensibly realised it wont work.that doesn't take away from the kind thought.
just tell her as soon as.