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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed about headmistress closing school car park?

95 replies

Pagetta · 20/11/2018 09:41

My son goes to breakfast/after school club 7.30 until 6. I work full time and husband is based 200 miles away (military) so the extended clubs are an absolute godsend.

The headmistress has asked that parents don't use the teachers carpark (directly in front of the school) for pick-ups drop-offs. However I must admit that if I drop off before 7.45 I do use it because I have the two year old with me and I can leave him in the car while I drop off. It’s not just a time and convenience thing, it’s also that the other option is to park opposite the school over the road, which although not super busy at that time is a fast country road. Crossing it with a toddler and 6 year old is not easy before lollipop lady starts!

At that time there are generally only two cars parked in the car park, and it is very very rare I see another teacher arriving during drop-off. If I get there after 7.45 when teachers start arriving I don't use it so as not to get in their way, and if I don't have toddler with me I don't use it as its unnecessary.
If I’m honest I really don't see the harm.

However the headmistress has obviously got annoyed - whether it’s just with me or with lots of people I'm not sure (there are only 3-4 parents drop off before 7.45) - as this morning when I got there she had closed the gate so you couldn’t pull in.

This has really annoyed me as I understand it’s a teachers car park, but when no teachers are there what's the issue?
Also, there is a Pilates class at 5.45pm in the school hall every night, and they use the car park. So its ok for them to use the car park AFTER teachers go home, but not me and a few others for 5 minutes before they start?

I don't want to be THAT parent that kicks up a stink - maybe I am being precious? I do get that at the end of the day it’s my problem not theirs – rules are rules – but this does seem likes rules for rules sake. Could they not say "its a teacher's car park from 7.45 until 5.30"?
This is mostly just a rant as I know I’ve not really a leg to stand on – but AIBU to be a bit hacked off about this??!

OP posts:
explodingkittensexpansion · 20/11/2018 11:13

No state school would employ a headmistress or a headmaster. They would advertise and recruit for a headteacher. Their job title would be headteacher or Principal.

Original poster
Pagetta · 20/11/2018 11:16

ok thanks - I think generally unanimous! FWIW I do get the rules thing and don't think I'm special. Life is stressful and busy for most people these days and needed a bit of a kick to get my head out my own issues and see bigger picture. That's why I asked!

Appreciate some of the understanding on it. I don't think I will speak to headmistress - its ultimately my problem and a lot of replies highlight the issue with 'a few parents being allowed' - it doesn't ever work you're right.

OP posts:
Avegemitesandwich · 20/11/2018 11:18

No state school would employ a headmistress or a headmaster. They would advertise and recruit for a headteacher. Their job title would be headteacher or Principal.

So what?

Lots of people use 'headmistress' or 'headmaster'. Even in Shock state schools.

TSSDNCOP · 20/11/2018 11:18

Nothing wrong with grumbling about it though OP. Better out than in!

Angharad07 · 20/11/2018 11:22

It’s stupid to leave a car park empty and closed when people want to use it. Rules for the sake of rules are pointless. I don’t understand people who live their lives with a “because the rules say so” attitude.

mostdays · 20/11/2018 11:24

This is mostly just a rant as I know I’ve not really a leg to stand on – but AIBU to be a bit hacked off about this??!

In that spirit- you know the school can do as they please and it's not your 'right' to park there, and you have no plans to try and insist that it is- no, YANBU to be miffed. I would also be miffed and wonder why it was such a big deal given that the carpark is pretty much empty at the time you want to use it.

I often find that institutions make decisions that seem simple and not much of a big deal to them without realising the impact they can have on people. My elder dc used to go to a school with a breakfast club- for years they had a policy that you could drop at the door and leave as soon as a MoS had them. They changed that at some point to insist that each child had to be individually signed in and then walked by their parent through the school to the room where breakfast club took place. I'm sure it seemed very sensible to the staff, who were surprised by the upset it caused parents who found that the extra 5-15 minutes (depending on busy-ness, queues, delays waiting to be let into the inner part of school and back out again, etc) completely fucked up their already tight commutes by public transport. The school weren't being unreasonable per se, but neither were parents unreasonable to be annoyed by the inconvenience.

SoupDragon · 20/11/2018 11:24

No state school would employ a headmistress or a headmaster. They would advertise and recruit for a headteacher. Their job title would be headteacher or Principal.

Why does that even matter in the context of this thread? State, independent, head teacher, headmaster or headmistress... all irrelevant!

SoupDragon · 20/11/2018 11:27

Anyway, the reason they're doing it is not to piss you off, it's because it's caused a problem. Maybe not you at the time you're there but later, as teachers start to arrive, it's going to cause problems with spaces being blocked.

overagain · 20/11/2018 11:45

What do you think is going to happen to your 2yo in the car for less than 5 minutes? Can't you leave them in the car, cross the road with the 6 year old and then watch the 6yo walk in to the school? So you can watch both at the same time?

00100001 · 20/11/2018 11:51

@overagain

This is Mumsnet land - where an unattended child in a car might spontaneously combust... or unclip their restraints, climb over the car, hotwire the car and drive off merrily round town.
Or in the few minutes you are out of the car, pterodactyl might swoop down and whisk you away, thus leaving a child in the car... and you unable to return.

The same land where it's fine to leave a toddler in a car whilst you go in and pay for petrol.

wafflyversatile · 20/11/2018 11:54

Actually I think they could make the rule to be 'before the lollipop lady starts it's ok'. That is a clear line that can be drawn. You could try actually putting your case to the head. If it is logical from her viewpoint she might consider it.

I also think it is probably ok to leave your 2 year old in the car if all you're doing is crossing the road to the school gate.

Original poster
Pagetta · 20/11/2018 11:54

@00100001 - GrinGrinGrin
this made me chuckle a lot! we live in the country pterodactyls are rife... Wink

mostly the reason I wouldn't leave him is incase someone walked past and called the police if i'm honest. he would be fine i'm sure!

OP posts:
overagain · 20/11/2018 11:58

@Pagetta and @00100001 yeah, I forget it's mumsnet land sometimes. I'm a social worker, so the thought of someone calling the police when much kid is alone in the car doesn't really worry me, we have much bigger fish to fry!

overagain · 20/11/2018 11:59

And it IS fine to leave a kid in the car whilst you pay for petrol (obviously some kids aren't but the vast majority are).

SomethingPhishy · 20/11/2018 12:02

Similar happened at our school. The club is round the back of the school & opens at 7:45am. We are there for that time due to my hours & I would pull in the car park to do the drop off. School put a stop to it as people were pulling in & out while the teachers were arriving & it's just one lane to go in & out. They said those arriving before 8:20 could use the school bus layby which is what I now do. Is there a bus layby outside school? It's a tricky one as not everyone will stick to the time restrictions.

Miscible · 20/11/2018 12:27

Why not just go and have an amicable chat with the head about this? She can explain her thinking, you can explain yours, you can explore whether there's any room for a compromise. You have nothing to lose by trying.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 20/11/2018 12:27

Like many (most?) schools our primary has huge issues with parents parking like twats. Just this morning I dropped DD at a before school club, and whilst walking back I saw a Mum drop off her little darling on the yellow zig-zags. Mum stayed in the car while her KS1 child exited the vehicle.

Instead of getting out the pavement side, the child opened the door the road side - straight into the path of another car. (Who fortunately stopped).

This is why our school say no parking/dropping off on the road. In our case it’s about a 3 min walk from the car park.

It probably isn’t you OP, it’s just that schools know how some people drive/park and can’t take the risk

TeddybearBaby · 20/11/2018 12:29

I knew what response you’d get to this before I opened it 🙄.

Seems like a real shame that you can’t use the car park in these circumstances. Sounds like your life is being made particularly difficult for no reason. Annoying!!

You’re not that parent. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate to me actually 💐

Sunhill4 · 20/11/2018 12:32

Your child should not be left alone in a car for any amount of time ever!

YearOfYouRemember · 20/11/2018 12:38

You are missing the point of the Pilates class being allowed to use the car park. No teachers are coming or going at that time so no impact on the teachers.

The adult thing would be to explain to the head that for two days a week, or how ever many as it doesn't seem to be every day all the time, it would greatly help you and keep the children safe if you could use the car park for five minutes. Be polite and appreciative. Will get you much further than stamping feet in demands

SoupDragon · 20/11/2018 12:40

Sounds like your life is being made particularly difficult for no reason

You think the headmistress is just doing this to try and make people's lives difficult rather than to solve a problem?

Thehop · 20/11/2018 12:43

I see no harm either.

TeapotFairy · 20/11/2018 12:45

OP you’re justifying why you need to park there - 2 year old/ dangerous to cross...etc- which is fair but you’re not acknowledging the sheer volume of parents who have similar justification and equally think they’re ‘not being unreasonable’.

I understand that from your point of view, your circumstances (working full time whilst husband is based 200 miles away) make breakfast/after school club important but these are your family choices and you’re not really entitled to any special treatment beyond that of any other parent. If those circumstances make it significantly harder for you then maybe look at moving closer to DH or DH leaving the forces for a normal job which would better suit your/your children’s needs.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/11/2018 12:51

I don't think you are being that parent, @Pagetta - and I can see why you are a bit narked by not being able to use the car park, when it is pretty much empty whenever you use it.

But I imagine there are other parents using it when it really is an issue, and teachers are being unable to park, and it is easier for the HT to issue a blanket ban than to allow some parents to park in the car park, but ban others.

Ztst · 20/11/2018 13:05

I can see why it would help to use it. I don’t think everyone merrily gets a 2yo in and out of a car when there is an alternative that isn’t detrimental to anyone else. I don’t think yabu but perhaps there is a problem that you are unaware of such as insurance etc.

There is a lot of smuggery here. Most parents I know are busy and stressed and even 5 mins or making something a little easier does help. I don’t think the op is unreasonable to want this, particularly as it doesn’t appear to cause a problem.