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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Trivial things my DH and I disagree on. Who is being unreasonable?

58 replies

CoffeeChocolateWine · 20/11/2018 09:31

My husband likes things minimal. He doesn’t things to be on view. He’s not tidy, he just stuff things in cupboards so you can’t see them. I generally find this highly impractical in a family home with three children so we try and meet somewhere in the middle.

In our en-suite, he has decided it ‘really annoys’ him when I leave my toothbrush on the side of the sink after use. I use my brush, rinse it, wipe it and let it air dry upright. The shelves in our little wall cabinet are not tall enough to have a brush standing upright so he now keeps putting our damp toothbrushes in the drawer under the sink on their sides. For info, this drawer is also where our cleaning cloths go. I keep asking him not to because I think it’s unhygienic to put damp toothbrushes on their side in a drawer and not let them dry properly. He says he doesn’t want to have toothbrushes on view (I repeat, this is an en-suite so when he says ‘on view’, it is on view to me and him).

I know it’s a trivial, first world problem but my baby is sleeping and I have time on my hands! We don’t argue over it, but it is becoming an annoyance and he still puts my toothbrush in the drawer and it makes me feel a bit Envy. So out of interest, who do you side with?

OP posts:
Alfie190 · 20/11/2018 09:34

Well I find putting a toothbrush in a drawer a bit odd, I wouldn't like it lying down on the side either though. I would put in a toothbrush holder or glass.

Generally, I am with your husband, I like things put away.

QueenofmyPrinces · 20/11/2018 09:34

I’m exactly like your husband. I can’t bear to see things just lying around.....and that includes stray toothbrushes next to the sink.

Our toothbrushes live in a drawer next to the sink and they lie on their side inside it - I had no idea this was an issue?!

Alfie190 · 20/11/2018 09:34

Having said that we are an all adult household, so maybe I do not have the same practical issues that you have.

formerbabe · 20/11/2018 09:36

This is nuts. You can't have a toothbrush on show...what about other household objects or do you live in a plain white box? Bizarre

ChocolateTearDrops · 20/11/2018 09:38

Someone will be along soon to tell you about poo particles in the air after flushing the loo...
Wink

Deadringer · 20/11/2018 09:43

I think you should be able to do whatever you like with your toothbrush, especially in your ensuite. It would be different if was a guest bathroom. Hibu imo.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 20/11/2018 09:44

If it makes a difference, it’s an electric toothbrush so stands up on its own. Doesn’t really need a holder or glass. And I don’t see it as a ‘stray toothbrush’. It’s one toothbrush standing upright and neatly put in the corner on the sink shelf. Yes, it is nuts but I did say it was trivial! He’s an architect and has said to me previously that he likes the ‘hotel room look’. I do not.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 20/11/2018 09:48

Op...you said you have a baby? Do you have older children? You can't keep a home with older children free from household objects on show without driving yourself to the brink of insanity.

Umbongointhejungle · 20/11/2018 09:49

It’s just different taste.
Not sure what you can do about it.

TBDO · 20/11/2018 09:50

I let my toothbrush air dry on the side of the sink. I think it’s odd to put something like that away when you use it twice a day. It’s not efficient use of time to put it in the drawer Grin

adaline · 20/11/2018 09:50

I'm afraid I'm also a bit like your DH and I hate things lying around and not in their place.

My DH has a habit of just dumping things on the nearest surface and then the cats knock them over or the dog gets his paws on them, making even more mess.

Is the toothbrush just the straw that's broken the camels back, as it were?

Cheeeeislifenow · 20/11/2018 09:51

I am with your husband on this..but disagree on the drawer... A compromise would be a toothbrush Holder.

I hate toothbrushes on the sink

Bibijayne · 20/11/2018 09:51

Oh god OP, that would drive me nuts too.

AmericanEskimoDoge · 20/11/2018 09:54

YANBU. That would annoy me. Why should his concern (purely cosmetic) take precedence over yours (hygiene-related)?

(But yes, it does depend on how close the sink is the toilet. The solution to that poo-particle particular problem is to close the toilet before flushing.)

Is there any way you could get a cover for the toothbrush? Something that would allow it to stand upright (out of the drawer with the cleaning cloths), but still disguise it? Or maybe there's space on the wall for an additional "cabinet"?

I assume that his love of the uncluttered look means he always tidies after himself and never leaves stray "stuff" anywhere around the house?

ShotsFired · 20/11/2018 09:54

Would he accept one of those wall/sucker mounted gripper things you push the brush into? That way it's "airing" (for you) but "neat" (for him)

BertrandRussell · 20/11/2018 09:56

I had no idea anyone put toothbrushes away in drawers!

lottiegarbanzo · 20/11/2018 09:56

You are right about the toothbrushes. Putting ut away damp, with cleaning cloths? ugh!

My view is that if you want to live minimally, with things shut away, it is imperative that you are very, very tidy, well-organised and good at getting rid of things you don't need.

His being an architect makes sense - he's used to empty houses no-one lives in!

CoffeeChocolateWine · 20/11/2018 09:56

‘Formerbabe’, yes two primary school age children as well. And they are soooooo messy! The other thing that confuses me slightly is that he very rarely sees it anyway as he’s at work all day and asleep at night. I don’t get why it grates him so much. And he doesn’t see a problem in leaving piles of change on various surfaces. Apparently this doesn’t bother him Hmm

OP posts:
JellyBears · 20/11/2018 09:58

I’m the same everything has a place!

CoffeeChocolateWine · 20/11/2018 09:58

Do electric toothbrushes really need a toothbrush holder?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 20/11/2018 09:58

OP- I would crochet a little Victorian lady cover for it- like the loo roll ones. That’d give him something to complain about!

CoffeeChocolateWine · 20/11/2018 10:01

BertandRussell, Grin his face would be priceless!

OP posts:
CoffeeChocolateWine · 20/11/2018 10:03

Point taken about poo particles. The sink is quite close to the toilet.

OP posts:
AmericanEskimoDoge · 20/11/2018 10:03

Maybe you should keep finding new, creative places to "hide" store his toothbrush, so that he has to go searching for it, every time. Wink "Oh, sorry, dear. I know I put it somewhere out of sight, since you hate having it on view..."

It's one thing to put his own toothbrush in the drawer, but putting yours there when you'd told him you don't like it? Rude.

lottiegarbanzo · 20/11/2018 10:05

The change, rigggght - he wants to live in a home that is empty, except for his stuff!

Your bachelor days are over OP's DH!

Mental adjustment required for him, from 'bijou bachelor pad' to 'family home'.