Trivial things my DH and I disagree on. Who is being unreasonable?

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

My husband likes things minimal. He doesn’t things to be on view. He’s not tidy, he just stuff things in cupboards so you can’t see them. I generally find this highly impractical in a family home with three children so we try and meet somewhere in the middle.

In our en-suite, he has decided it ‘really annoys’ him when I leave my toothbrush on the side of the sink after use. I use my brush, rinse it, wipe it and let it air dry upright. The shelves in our little wall cabinet are not tall enough to have a brush standing upright so he now keeps putting our damp toothbrushes in the drawer under the sink on their sides. For info, this drawer is also where our cleaning cloths go. I keep asking him not to because I think it’s unhygienic to put damp toothbrushes on their side in a drawer and not let them dry properly. He says he doesn’t want to have toothbrushes on view (I repeat, this is an en-suite so when he says ‘on view’, it is on view to me and him).

I know it’s a trivial, first world problem but my baby is sleeping and I have time on my hands! We don’t argue over it, but it is becoming an annoyance and he still puts my toothbrush in the drawer and it makes me feel a bit . So out of interest, who do you side with?

I hate the little circular mark that's left behind by the toothbrush on the side of the sink. Only hanwash is allowed on display.
I lay my toothbrush down out of site on a spare flannel? Is there an option of putting a flannel in the drawer?

Tell him you're happy to compromise and keep it on your bedside table. I think the bathroom may suddenly become the right place.
I would also be having fun sweeping his pocket change into a drawer of your choice.

Yes, tidy his toothbrush away at the back of the wardrobe!

He likes the hotel look.
He's got three kids.

Reality check needed.

OP he is a control freak. How dare he dictate to you where your toothbrush is stored. That is just weird. Does he try to control you in others ways too? I couldn’t live like that.

My dh is similar...'tidying' things means putting them in some random out of sight place. His least logical moment was tidying my reading glasses off my bedside locker into the wardrobe. He genuinely couldn't see why I had a problem with that despite the fact I regularly read in bed and never read in the wardrobe! At this stage if anything goes missing everyone's first question is 'where is the least likely place you'd think of?'' because that's where he's most likely to have 'tidied' it to!

I like everything put away and surfaces left clear, but you are right: you can't put wet or damp things in cupboards and drawers because they become bacteria farms.
You are completely justified in making a fuss/ standing firm/ putting your foot down/ carelessly tidying his things into awkward places.

I would keep moving his toothbrush until he learns to stop moving yours. Leave yours in the drawer when he puts it there and then prop his on a random windowsill or something. "Oh sorry dear, I thought we were in charge of storing each others toothbrushes! Would you like to go back to you looking after yours and me looking after my own?"

lottie, exactly. It feels like that sometimes. My stuff annoys him; his stuff doesn’t. I generally pocket his change We’ve been together for 15 years, parents for 10 years and married for 8 years.

Eatmycheese, yes I tell him this a lot. It’s just not practical. And to me hotel rooms look characterless, sterile and unlived in (because they are!) Why would someone want their home to look like that? I don’t get it!

Ok, what I’m getting from this is that we are both being unreasonable and compromise is needed. Perhaps I will get a lidded box or something to go inside the drawer for the toothbrushes. Fair?

Lalliela, nah, he’s not a control freak, I promise. He’s a wonderful husband, father and person in general. But he gets a bee in his bonnet about certain trivial things. Like toothbrush storage.

I'm with you OP and would therefore be 'tidying' his toothbrush away to somewhere random :)

We have electric toothbrushes that are stood next to the sink. Though I also have 2 kids so toothbrushes on show is the absolute least of my worries haha.

Putting wet stuff in drawers is grim, it'll get mouldy.

Me and my husband pretty much similar, both tolerant of a few things being out, but generally we hide everything away. It helps that we have very few 'things' as neither of us can abide clutter.

Definitely tidy it away to “lost”
Oh darling, I know you hate clutter, so I tidied it away. I can’t remember where though!

Can you take the actual brush off the electric toothbrush? Then put the electric part in the drawer/on the charger and the actual brush in a cup on the sink. Maybe a white cup with the name of a hotel written on it?

Electric toothbrushes do leave an annoying grey ring on the sink but I wouldn't like shutting them in a drawer either

Get some stick on hooks, place three per brush, on the inside of the cupboard door - to support it along its length. He can’t see it, it’s airing, not in the drawer.

Glad to hear about the pocket change - standard rule round here is that abandoned money is adopted.
Still a no to toothbrush in a drawer/sealed tub. A tub with a damp toothbrush is a playground for bacteria.

Clearly he has OCD. Perhaps he should use the family bathroom

He needs to design you a bathroom cupboard with ventilation for keeping your toothbrush upright in - maybe he should talk to IKEA about a design opportunity.

No-one flushes the toilet in our house with the lid up and lets the pooh monsters out.

I hate things being chucked in drawers and would rather leave a mess to be tidied properly. Also agree wet storage leads to bacterial growth and is yuck.

My personal foible is people licking the jam spoon before putting the lid on the jam.

The en-suite is his design. Maybe that’s why he’s so particular about it. He had a ‘vision’ and my toothbrush is ruining that vision! Or thinking about it, maybe it is because some of the communal spaces of the house do get untidy, cluttered and the kids leave their crap everywhere, he sees our room and en-suite as the space in the house that is ours and kid-free so he tries to take more control over it.

I’m actually quite liking Cheesy’s suggestion of taking the brush bit off to dry and putting the body in the drawer. A faff but feels like a good compromise.

How do you all feel about wet towels being put straight into the laundry basket after use ..... I've told DH this sooo many times. Unless he knows I'm going to put a wash on that day, then this is minging, it just sits there festering, make everything else damp and smelly.

Just bloody well hang it up to dry, and then put it in the laundry basket if necessary .......

Why does he think he's in charge? Start putting his piles of change in weird places - like a coin in every sock in his drawer - then tell him you prefer it like that, all tidy.

big yes, that is fucking nasty, anything damp or festering is my ultimate nightmare.

You need to channel your innner monster. Come out of the bathroom with your newly found toothbrush in hand, look a bit wild, mess up your hair and snarl through gritted teeth "Leave my god dam toothbrush alone you neat freak"

The en-suite is his design.
Maybe he should have designed it so it's fit for purpose then!

I am similar, in that I like things to have "a place", but the place has to be practical and convenient. Toothbrushes in a drawer is not practical, they need to dry! Our bathroom drives me mad because there is no shelf or cabinet, or even anywhere on the sink that's really flat enough to put a cup to hold toothbrushes. Bonkers.

Could you move the shelves in the cabinet to make one taller? Or cut a bit out of one so your brush can stand upright? Or make a little stand that props your toothbrush up diagonally so it fits on the shelf?

Can smell it from here Big. My DH also has trouble with this concept, but at least he doesn't leave wet towels all over the floor like my teenagers do.