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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Work problem...really not sure what to do...

43 replies

Neverender · 20/11/2018 09:02

Hello friends on the internet. I need to borrow your brains...

I have an issue at work where what I do relies upon someone else doing their job properly and managing their team of four, which they aren't doing. Let's call her Lorraine. I have recently found out that Lorraine has "checked out" as she will be leaving soon - she's just waiting for her house to sell and then she will be off.

Now, I have had some feedback from the four people who report into Lorraine that I have been overstepping the mark with regard to my role, which I fully accept, but I have only had to do this because Lorraine has effectively given up. My manager understands completely and is backing me up. There is one particularly vocal individual in the team of four who has led the others to this feedback.

The issue here is that they have asked that I don't attend a specific meeting. The meeting is weekly and the next one is tomorrow. I have to respond. I can either;

a. Not go for the time being until Lorraine leaves but tell them I have decided not to go and explain why I have behaved as I have after she has left (I really don't want to put any stress on Lorraine at this point as 1. it's not working, and 2. I don't want to make her last few months awful.

b. continue to go and put pressure on them to implement the changes I need them to.

Has anyone got any practical advice for what I should do next? I am utterly shit at this tactical stuff. Thanks for reading this if you have...

OP posts:

Feefeetrixabelle · 20/11/2018 09:04

Lorraine is the one in the wrong. If she wants a wage she needs to work
For it.

Original poster

Neverender · 20/11/2018 09:07

I know and I get soooo frustrated with her. But her team don't know she's leaving and it may be a while until her house sells so I feel like I have to do something to recognise their feedback in the meantime.

OP posts:

MiniCooperLover · 20/11/2018 09:08

I don't think you can let them demand this. They are two stations below you in terms of reporting. If you allow them to dictate this they'll never respect you. Sod worrying about upsetting Lorraine, she's not doing her job so you need to pull her up on it.

Grace212 · 20/11/2018 09:09

It's Lorraine's job to go to the meeting, but if she doesn't, it will affect your work, is that right?

tbh if your mgr is aware and if it's not affecting a bonus, or human health etc, I'd not go to the meetings or overstep into her job in any way.

greendale17 · 20/11/2018 09:11

C. Attend the meeting with your manager.

NoSquirrels · 20/11/2018 09:12

Talk to Lorraine?

Original poster

Neverender · 20/11/2018 09:12

Mini - that's what I am concerned about. I don't want to be seen to be weak by them and let them say whatever they want and get their own way.

Grace - it's more like me and my team investigate an issue, write a process and then it's their job to make sure their teams use it, but they aren't and Lorraine isn't making them.

In the meetings it's my chance to let them know what's coming and ask how they will roll it out to their teams but they don't do it and then I call them out on it the next week.

OP posts:

Kisskiss · 20/11/2018 09:12

What is the meeting for. If you don’t go, will it impact that team’s work output?
You need to balance the quality of your relationship w that team vs how badly you need the work done.

Without knowing how important the meeting is, ( or maybe whether you going looks like you’re being overbearing/An arse) my gut instinct is that not going because they ganged up on you and gave feedback/complained about you, makes you look weak...

Original poster

Neverender · 20/11/2018 09:13

greendale17 - me and my manager both go with Lorraine and her team but they have specifically asked that I don't attend. I can't see how it will help!

OP posts:

Original poster

Neverender · 20/11/2018 09:14

Kisskiss my gut instinct is that not going because they ganged up on you and gave feedback/complained about you, makes you look weak...

This is what I am worried about but can I simply ignore their feedback?

OP posts:

LordEmsworth · 20/11/2018 09:14

A ha ha ha ha ha ha! Good joke from them.

Their main focus should be on getting the job done. If you need to be at the meeting to ensure that happens, you are helping them out. That's not overstepping, that's called "going to work"

How likely is it that things will happen if you don't go? And/or can you go for 10 minutes then dip out? And/or would you be able to reconvene the meeting later in the week with you there, if the outcome doesn't happen in the first meeting without you there?

I would be tempted to lay down very clearly what they need to achieve, and leave them to achieve it - then chase them if they don't. But I wouldn't be putting the business or my own role at risk because of their playground loyalties...

PinsPegs · 20/11/2018 09:15

What type of organisation is this? Do you have shareholders?

Grace212 · 20/11/2018 09:16

why not just skip this one and see what happens?

Kisskiss · 20/11/2018 09:17

Sorry, cross posted.
Discuss the problem with Lorraine and your manager ( jointly) . Basically, she needs to pull up her socks. Don’t stop going to that meeting unless she does. It sounds like it’s a good idea for you to be there anyway , regardless of the team malfunctioning or or not

Grace212 · 20/11/2018 09:19

just realised it sounds like you are trying to do your job and Lorraine's job and that can't be right...

Original poster

Neverender · 20/11/2018 09:19

I think they're all a bit mad to be honest - they could be putting their effort into making sure what we are trying to do is successful but they're not - instead they're ganging up and talking behind my back. It's extremely childish.

But...I do need them to actually roll out what my team have done. They're meant to coach their teams but they sit at their desks and read emails all day.

I have offered for my team to own the training and make sure this happens but my manager doesn't agree this is right and thinks they should do it. I just cannot wait for Lorraine to leave....

Yes, we have shareholders.

OP posts:

sollyfromsurrey · 20/11/2018 09:20

Send an email to Lorraine. Explain that there is a problem with your plans not being actioned within her team. CC it to your manager and to all individuals in Lorraine 's team. Stop worrying about upsetting Lorraine. She's being unprofessional and leaving anyway. Why are you considering her feelings in this when she us not considering you at all?

hellozzz · 20/11/2018 09:22

You should go with your manager's blessing and if he/she can attend as well that would be better.

The job needs to be done, you give instructions, they need to follow - over stepping the mark is immaterial you need to relay on them to do their job and therefore it is your business.

Go and let them bitch, smile sweetly as long as you have backing from your manager then you should be OK.

Uncooperativefingers · 20/11/2018 09:23

Surely they don't want you at the meeting so you can't call them out on what they aren't doing?

I'd still go. If you feel you need back up, have a quick chat with your manager and tell them that you are planning on still going despite the other team's request and then you can say you're there with your manager's backing if the team whinges again. If I was calling people out in a meeting my manager would definitely want me there, so I can do it instead of him!

LannieDuck · 20/11/2018 09:23

If your manager is going to the meeting too, why are you the one speaking up and not him/her? Its manager's direct report who isn't doing her job, so it should be manager who deals with it.

Alternatively, speak to Lorraine and explain you understand these changes are going to come into effect after she leaves, that you'd like to find a way to make sure the process is put in place without imposing on her. Would she support you taking point on those arrangements? If she says yes, ignore her team. Or get her to make it clear to the team that you have her blessing.

Cleojinx · 20/11/2018 09:26

It's difficult in a situation like this because ultimately you have to look after your own back but that's difficult when it's not in your nature. I've been there!

However I would say, you've got a manager to please and a job to do at the end of the day. We all have things going on that affect our job performance and hope that there will be understanding from our peers in such instances. However, she is continually slacking and causing someone else's workload and stress to increase - that's not fair. As you said it could be months before her house is sold so that could potentially mean you picking up the slack for a good while.

I think it would be more understandable were the reason not just "she's selling her house". Eg if she had family issues or health issues, physical or mental. Not to say that she isn't stressed a little but in the grand scheme of things, she's not going to get too much understanding for months of slacking because she's selling her house. At the end of the day she's being paid to do a job.

You sound really considerate but I would approach every situation in whatever way is going to be best for you. You don't want your performance or reputation to suffer due to someone else.

Talulahbeige · 20/11/2018 09:28

Sounds like the vocal one is enjoying a lazy time at work and can see you stopping it. Or they have their eye on Lorraine’s job and feels your going to compete for it.

ShalomJackie · 20/11/2018 09:29

The manager needs to step up, tell them you are attending and overseeing this and they need to get over themselves. Why os (s)he letting them dictate who does what?

Original poster

Neverender · 20/11/2018 09:31

Talulahbeige I definitely don't want her job!!! I think the vocal person does, but if they think pissing me off is going to help then they are sorely wrong as they will have to work with me on a daily basis and I will be interviewing for Lorraine's replacement with my manager!

OP posts:

TheDogAteMySock · 20/11/2018 09:32

I'd go to the meeting. It's part of your job, so I wouldn't let the others' behaviour stop me from doing my job. I'd also be having a chat with Lorraine about her not doing her job. If you want to be nice you could have a one to one talk with her first, before involving your manager and hers.

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