To not get out the car ....

[itseasierstill]

Have had a really tough few months with DSS's mum. Generally just being awful, name calling to myself and DH, trying to drive a wedge between DSS, DH and myself. On Sunday we dropped off DSS after a really nice few days. I didn't want to see her, so stayed in the car while DSS was dropped off. This set her off again, saying how dare I disrespect her, what a bad example to DSS etc.
It was the day before my egg collection (ivf) so was feeling like shit, plus didn't want a scene in front of DSS. But apparently this was a blatant attack on her. AIBU to just keep out of her way ......

YANBU to avoid her, but I just wouldn't go to drop off at all. Give her no ammunition

Just don't go to drop him off, then she won't be able to say anything to you at all.

We were out and dropped DSS on the way back, I should have got DH to drop me at the shops. But didn't want to make a thing out of it !

Ywnbu. Why would you need to get out of the car?
How old is DSS?

What do you say to her when she's abusing you?

Tbh it sounds like one of those situations where you're never going to win. If she was in that kind of mood she would have found fault no matter what you did.

DSS is 11, the abuse was personal and via the phone. We were trying to sort something out about DSS. After that I decided to block her. However since that the abuse has been worse and via DH to me.

What's the back story with you all? Why has she got it in for you? How long has your partner and her been apart?

I would stay at home in future and let DH take DS back.

ywnbu. just ignore ignore ignore. don't even speak to her, if she has a go about you to DH just tell him to completely ignore it, just repeat the question he needs the answer to or whatever and completely just don't even comment on what she says. She'll soon get bored when she realises it doesn't bother you both.

Aaaand we didn't even get to 10 posts before someone's asked the immortal question about how long OP has been with her H.

It doesn't matter whether OP was an OW or a virginal nun who gave up her vocation after the H got divorced. Bullying and abusive behaviour is not on.

Of course the back story matters. How can think it doesn't?

Why the hell is your DH passing along the abuse?

You keep her number blocked.

He speaks to her about their son, if she starts about you/getting abusive she gets one warning (that’s not really your business/relevant, do you want to continue discussing son?) and if she continues he hangs up and doesn’t answer for the next hour or so.

So this woman knows full well that you are her ex's new partner and she lets their son go to stay with you both so she knows 100% that you are there......and then moans about you being in the car at drop off?

If that is the case then I would block and ignore her every single time. Be the bigger person. I would even help the kid, give him a few quid and take him shopping for a nice little Christmas present for her. Never be derogatory etc and if he raises it just say that his mum obviously struggles and thats ok, not everybody has to like everybody else but you still love him to bits. That kid has got to be feeling the stress.

ah so abuse is ok so long as you've got a reason to be abusive then is it?

Because both parties are adults and verbal abuse or physical is never ever okay esp in front of a child. Adults should behave like adults.
Just carry on regardless op pretend your blind and deaf, also dp need not pass on the abuse or tell you what she said. Ignore and carry on, as long as the children are okay that's all that matters.

@GreatDuckCookery she has a history of instability - these episodes occur often. We wanted to take DSS on holiday, DSS changed his mind and decided he no longer wanted to go. (Due to him being to worried to leave his mum and her chaotic lifestyle) but we've decided still to go. Holiday is partly to see DH's elderly dad. Apparently this makes us the worst people ever for 'abandoning' her and DSS.

"What's the back story with you all? Why has she got it in for you? How long has your partner and her been apart?"

I don't think any of this matters. They are supposed to be adults doing a drop-off. It just needs to be civil. No YWNBU OP. Staying the car is fine. Getting out of the car is fine. She's just looking for a fight and I don't think it would matter what you did unfortunately.

Abandoning her? What does she mean by that?

(Not OW, partner of 10 years) I'm just at the end of my tether of the abuse to be honest .....

In that case I would have no more to do with her. Let DH sort her out.

Was she civil to you once?

The backstory of how long OP's H has been divorced from the EX is not relevant to OP's question, which is whether SIBU not to get out of the car when she is feeling unwell and the Ex has form for being abusive towards her.

In the OP it mentions nothing of how long the husband has been divorced from his ex.

If he left her for the OP 6 months ago ( which we now know isn't the case ) obviously this could have been of the reason why she's being so irrational and awful to the OP. So the back story does matter.

The only weapon you have to protect yourself in this situation is silence.

greatduck

and would that abuse be ok if ops husband had left ex wife for her?

That's irrelevant because that's not what happened.