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Original poster

To ask my friend to do this (and pay her)

47 replies

Workreturner · 20/11/2018 06:41

Recently returned to work. It’s a senior role. Loving it but consuming.

I have a great nanny but she can’t do one day a week.

I had thought that I could wing that one day without a nanny and work in the evenings, but proving impossible.

I have a very dear friend who’s children go to the same school as mine. We are almost neighbours.

On Fridays both my children have an after school club. Neither of her children do.

What I was going to ask.

Every other week to take my daughter to her club straight after school. Would mean a 5 minute walk diversion from her home. Drop her off.

This would be a once a week occurrence.

She will say yes. She will say no to money.

However I want to pay, I really want to.

So how would this sound, I say I set up a standing order for a £10 every 4 weeks (so a fiver a drop off), and say it’s to cover a few coffees a month (she loves cafe coffees!)
Thoughts? Should I offer more?

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Workreturner · 20/11/2018 06:42

Sorry this would be a once a fortnight occurence NOT weekly

OP posts:
CarrieBlu · 20/11/2018 06:46

Sounds fair to me. I would do it. Though if she won’t let you set up a DD just buy her vouchers for your local coffee shop, most places do them.

flumpybear · 20/11/2018 06:47

Ha e a feeling you can't pay just anyone for childcare unless they're a professional

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 20/11/2018 06:48

Will you be OK with it if she has other plans one Friday?
The problem with paying is that she (and you) may feel she is tied into it - that you are 'reserving' that time.
I take a neighbour's son to music lessons with my older two. It means we have to leave half an hour earlier than we otherwise would, as he has his lesson earlier, and tbh it's a bit of a PITA now and again. I'm fine with doing it, though, and know I could say 'doesn't work today' and that would be fine. I wouldn't want to have that time 'bought' for a token amount.

Tbh if it were me I wouldn't want money. You could take me out for coffee once a month instead.

Original poster
Workreturner · 20/11/2018 06:49

I could absolutely make it work if she couldn’t do the odd Friday.

Unfortunately it’s once in a blue moon these days in able to go out for coffee! Hence the payment

OP posts:
AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 20/11/2018 06:50

Then give her vouchers and/or send her flowers once a month.

TanginaBarrons · 20/11/2018 06:50

I'm sure there are some legal issues about paying for friends to provide childcare. Maybe worth looking into?

Mascarponeandwine · 20/11/2018 06:51

Think this is dodgy legally. Doesn’t passing her money make her an employee and you an employer? Gives rise to all sorts of insurance, employment and tax issues.I looked into a similar idea when my dad needed short term casual care but it was prohibitive for this reason.

SuchAToDo · 20/11/2018 06:51

She will say yes. She will say no to money

Don't be too sure until you have actually asked her and heard her say yes,...the amount of threads on here of people that thought that friends would be ok doing them a favour if they paid , and the friend turned round and said no...so dont take it for granted that she will say yes, and if she does say no, accept that she is allowed to and that it is ok for her to do that (don't let it sour your friendship)

BedsideCabinetisnotAvailable · 20/11/2018 06:52

If she says no to money...get her a coffee voucher.

Hideandgo · 20/11/2018 06:53

Clumpy, I doubt HMRC and Ofsted will come chasing about £10 a month for a few drop offsHmm.

superram · 20/11/2018 06:53

It’s only illegal if she looks after your child in her home for more than 2 hours without being a registered childminder. In terms of tax it may be an issue.

Unicyclethief · 20/11/2018 06:53

I would not want to be tied, I wouldn’t mind doing it as a favour. But if you are paying it is no longer a favour is it, and a fiver is nothing so not worth her while getting tied up like this. I would look into getting a nanny that could do all the days you need.

Thehop · 20/11/2018 06:53

I’d do it gladly, and you can always get vouchers for. Offer place if she’s funny about taking money x

BusySittingDown · 20/11/2018 06:56

Ha e a feeling you can't pay just anyone for childcare unless they're a professional

It depends how old the children are. If they're over 8 you don't have to be registered to look after them, iirc.

SimplySteve · 20/11/2018 06:57

It’s only illegal if she looks after your child in her home for more than 2 hours without being a registered childminder.

Sorry but I'm curious and my kids are no longer kids. How does this change if Friend1 goes to Friend2s house to play and eat after school, for over two hours?

BusySittingDown · 20/11/2018 06:58

Plus it sounds like she won't actually be looking after the DC, just dropping them off somewhere.

BusySittingDown · 20/11/2018 07:00

@SimplySteve it's illegal if you're doing it for cash or reward and you aren't registered. Having a child over to play or for tea is fine as you're not charging them.

pasturesgreen · 20/11/2018 07:01

Coffee shop voucher.

A good friend may find it slightly embarrassing to accept such a nominal sum to do you a favour. I know I would.

Just out of curiosity, what happens on the other two Fridays a month?

Original poster
Workreturner · 20/11/2018 07:05

I’m happy to suck up the legal risk of paying my friend a tenner a month to walk 5 mins out of her way to drop off my daughter at a club. I like to live on the wild side.

Thank you feedback. Definitely something I need to mull over. The coffee vouchers / flowers don’t appeal because I’d like this to be a long term arrangement and it might be a bit daft so frequently giving flowers are shoving vouchers into has closed hands!

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 20/11/2018 07:06

A sincere thank you would be enough and child saying thank you and being good.
Please don't insist on payment stuff has a way of working out. I used to take a child to a club because her mum couldn't drive. Her mum offered the odd night of babysitting in return. I didn't expect it but it was great. Offer to take her kids to the pictures with yours as a treat or something. You are over thinking it!

imip · 20/11/2018 07:07

Occasionally I have a friend’s children at odd times when they can’t get childcare - I know they try, but the nature of their work means that sometimes they need to leave the house at 6am. They often give me a bottle of champagne at the same time. While I’m happy for them not to give me anything, i appreciate it because they do know it’s an inconvenience and it’s nice for it to be acknowledged.

I get cheeky requests on occasion, because I have 4 dc and I was a sahm (I’m not anymore but have dc with ASD and work term time only). These are the people I like to help the most! Get her a voucher every now and then...

Original poster
Workreturner · 20/11/2018 07:10

I think because it would be every other week, and not an ad hoc occurrence, that’s why I like the idea I’d definitely giving her something in return every month

OP posts:
OvertiredandConfused · 20/11/2018 07:16

Could you get her a subscription to a favourite magazine?

anniehm · 20/11/2018 07:22

For legal reasons far better to give her a voucher/cash than a standing order. No paper trail.