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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How is it PIL's business how much my DH earns?

39 replies

MilStrikesAgain789 · 19/11/2018 20:22

Step FIL said to my DH "Its nice you have a job that you enjoy but you should consider earning more for your family". AIBU to think it's none of their business?

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/11/2018 20:24

Are you struggling for money?

LaurieFairyCake · 19/11/2018 20:24

Depends if they're giving you money?

AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 19/11/2018 20:26

If they are giving you money or buying you a lot of stuff you need then YABU.

SparklyLeprechaun · 19/11/2018 20:29

Really? You seem to be taking this very personally, he's given him a piece of advice, not issued an ultimatum. They are his parents, that's what parents do. Sure, ultimately it's your dh's business how he lives his life, that doesn't mean his closest family can't offer advice.

Original poster
MilStrikesAgain789 · 19/11/2018 20:31

We don't ask them for money and earn enough to pay the bills, we are not struggling.

OP posts:
A580Hojas · 19/11/2018 20:31

Of course none of their business!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/11/2018 20:32

So why on earth is he saying that?

N0b0dysMot · 19/11/2018 20:33

Weird from his father - you'd think his father would think that it was wise to pursue contentment and not worship the bitch goddess ''success'' but I agree with the previous posters that his comment is bothering you a little more than it should.

huggybear · 19/11/2018 20:34

If you're comfortable and they're not helping you out financially then it's poor form.

SoyDora · 19/11/2018 20:34

Do they know how much he earns?

FitzChivalryFarseer · 19/11/2018 20:36

My parents put more value on being a good provider than on emotional happiness with work. Partly generational, partly demographic (my father's specific demographic is misogynistic arsewipe - doesn't believe women should work outside the home after marriage). Is he the same, maybe, hopefully without the misogynistic arsewipe part?

SoyDora · 19/11/2018 20:38

Weird from his father - you'd think his father would think that it was wise to pursue contentment and not worship the bitch goddess ''success''

Really? My FIL thinks the only true measure of success is financial. He is baffled that DH actually likes spending time with his family over further advancing his career.

BackforGood · 19/11/2018 20:42

Depends..... do you (as a couple I mean, not just you OP) talk about wishing you could afford to buy a house, or afford a newer / better / 2nd car, or afford a holiday, or {insert anything else you'd like to be able to have that you haven't) ?

As others have said, it isn't really his Dad's business, but you don't stop loving and worrying about your dc just because they pass 18, or even just because they get married. He is entitled to his opinion just as anyone else is. Depends a lot on the context he said it - announcing to the wrld at large is different from a private conversation in his or your home.

Original poster
MilStrikesAgain789 · 19/11/2018 20:47

We are comfortable enough, we own a smallish house (paying a morgage on it). We don't have the nice middle class keeping up with the Joneses lifestyle they would prefer. They know how much we earn because MIL always asking/ asking if he has got a raise etc. Its bothering me because they think they have a say in everything we do (like my MIL told my DH that she hopes we arn't trying for a baby when I was a few weeks pregnant)

OP posts:
A580Hojas · 19/11/2018 20:53

My parents and dh's parents knew absolutely nothing about our financial affairs after we left university at 21. If they were still involved for anything other than crisis reasons I'd feel I'd failed as an adult.

Printerneedsink · 19/11/2018 20:53

I don't think it's strange that they know how much their son earns. It's nice to know that your children are OK (financially as well) and if they've spent a lot of time supporting his education it's nice for them to know how it all turned out, iyswim.

SoyDora · 19/11/2018 20:54

Ah well that’s where you’re going wrong... telling them too much! My parents have never known how much Ive earned, and DH’s parents don’t know how much he earns. None of anyone’s busI was except ours.

SoyDora · 19/11/2018 20:55

*business

Lovewineandchocs · 19/11/2018 20:55

Why doesn’t she want you trying for a baby? Confused

Theknacktoflying · 19/11/2018 20:57

But he is a step FIL so really none of his business ... not that even if he was a FIL it would be different ...

Perhaps you need to wean them off their need to know and train DH not to answer their prying questions ...

diddl · 19/11/2018 20:57

" They know how much we earn because MIL always asking/"

No-they know because someone tells her!

CherryPavlova · 19/11/2018 20:58

I think it’s quite usual for parents to want to see their children comfortably off, enjoying a higher standard of living than they had. If you’re both happy fine. It’s hardly a big issue.
On the other hand, growing families are expensive and sometimes one or other parent might have to seek a higher income to support the family.

PanamaPattie · 19/11/2018 21:00

Stop sharing. You are giving them ammunition. They know too much about your lives. Back off a bit and give yourselves some distance.

Theknacktoflying · 19/11/2018 21:01

Most adult children will not be as rich or have as many trappings as their parents .... the fact that you are happy should be good enough.

MissConductUS · 19/11/2018 21:02

It would make me wonder if they're going to ask you for a loan, or to pay for a big holiday trip or something.

I think you need to push back a bit harder when they get so nosy. And the part about hoping you're not trying to get pregnant is downright weird. Does she now know that you were pregnant?