To be at my wits end with DS behaviour at scho

[Missythecat]

Sorry posting here for traffic

Back history: DS6 has never done amazingly at school. On and off behaviour issues since reception. Mostly getting cross and messing about at carpet time.

Year 2 hits and it has got so bad. Refuses to do work, runs away, screams and shouts, hitting etc.

He has always struggled to make friends. He's quite bright but doesn't listen so struggles academically too. He always tells me that school is boring etc.

I have enforced reward/punishment at home. We have a system where he earns screen time dependent on his behaviour at school. Reward charts, visual cues that I have given to school. You name it.

It has got to the point recently that I am getting called to school to come pick him up early as he is kicking off. Trouble is I am a single parent and cannot keep leaving work if I want to be able to keep my job!

Looking for any ideas, similar experiences and to mostly have a rant. I don't know how to help him at school. He's ok at home, can sometimes be a bit cheeky but nothing remotely like the behaviour at school.

Help!

Can you ask your employer to reduce your hours in the interim while you find a childminder?

Have you spoken to your local SEN parent support? School have to show they've done all they can to avoid exclusion before they do it, which they can't if they haven't even had the Educational Psychologist in?

Another option is new school, new after school club. Perhaps a fresh pair of eyes on him will get him support? Be upfront about his history, perhaps a different school will be more on the ball?

for you and for your boy.

Google PDA and see what you think

Ahhh forgot to add I believe that if we'd moved DS from his very 'naice' school in an affluent area early, we would have got an earlier diagnosis. Something I bitterly regret but DH thought consistency was more important than him being labelled a PITA which had a massive impact on his self esteem.

Excuse the numerous posts.

There is a proper procedure for exclusion. My boys school tried it and failed and the council told them they couldn’t do it because they’d acted illegally. There’s no way your school are following procedure. Have you posted on the SEN boards?

You have had lots of good advice alrwady but have you considered changing schools? This one sounds particularly shit when it comes to meeting the needs of children!

Like I said, your son reminds me of a lot of children that we see in our clinic with a profile of PDA. It’s a subtype of autism.

However, traditional strategies for autism don’t work with kids with PDA, which is why it’s important to get the right diagnosis.

Agree you really need to post on the SN board and also take along someone who can help advocate.

It sounds as if there are some additional needs/special educational needs. If the school phone you to collect your DS and do not provide you with a letter outlining why you have been asked to collect him, how long he is being excluded for and details of how to appeal the decision to exclude him then it is an illegal exclusion.

The next time you are phoned ask for the correct paperwork pertaining to the fixed term exclusion and see what they say, if they say that it is not a fixed term exclusion then point out that they are in fact illegally excluding him.

Your local authority will have a website called Local Offer (if you Google your city/town/borough local offer it will come up) on there will be a lot of information and details of the local iass (independent advice and support service) who can be very helpful and knowledgeable about the law in respect of the Children's and Families Act 2014.

Thank you so much for all the replies.

It has been a stressful few days so sorry for not replying.

Ok. School meeting. I have a referral to SEMHS(?), CAMHS and paedatrician. Need to chase school on this though.

I suggested a Now/Next system to work in classroom and we moved his calm down corner and I've brought in stuff from home. He has been better over last two days but not great. Two instances of running off.

Obviously I have no after school care now. Work is a bit tense. I can't even let myself think about that. As no available childminders in the area, I'm looking for an after school Nanny. I can't really afford it but will maybe take out a loan. Beats getting sacked. Depends if I find one.

Most worrying was school said he was at threat of exclusion and that they might call me one day. Need a meeting with head teacher next week.

Ugh. So stressed. I'm worried that he will get excluded before any assessments and then tbh I will lose my job and ergo our home.

I will post in SEN boards as you have all suggested. Might link it to this thread. At least it's Friday and I have the weekend to think of a strategy plan.

Thank you again to you all

ipsea or sos!sen websites both have excellent information and advice on education law. The children's and families act 2014 also tells you what schools and local authorities must do in relation to the education of children with SEN or those suspected of having SEN, it is worth a read through the relevant chapters, also the Equality Act 2010.
The referral to CAMHS and a Paediatrician is good but there is often a long waiting list for appointments, have you asked the school for a referral to an educational psychologist for a formal assessment?
Do you work for a large national company or a smaller local one? Does it have an occupational health department?

If you are worried about permanent exclusion there is a process that the LEA must go through to get a child back into a school within a set period of time (it's a long time since we went through this process but i think I was told 15 school days). If it is repeated fixed term exclusions or illegal exclusions I would be inclined to get in touch with the LEA inclusion officer, education welfare officer or whatever your LEA call it and discuss it with them, if nothing else it gives them notification that there are problems in school.

How many exclusions have there been so far this term?

Update for those who are interested. Requested a meeting with Head as had been called again. Ended up in me pulling him from school for two days.

Additional TA is now in place and referrals in full swing. Thanks for all your support