To ask you to talk some sense into me r.e kids and school. How do yours react etc?

[HellenaHandbasket]

My kids have both just started school after a few years of home education. The 8 yr old drove the decision, and after a few wobbles is now very happy and settled in yr 4, having started in Sept.

The 6 yr old started 10 days ago in yr 2, first time at school. He was nervous but wanted to go. He always comes out very happy, is making friends and progressing. The school is lovely.

But mornings are still not going well. We have gone from looking a bit down and reticent, to me chasing him down the road today.

I think it is more stubbornness than sadness, and have been staying very calm and loving with him.

I am stuck between two camps at the moment, my 'school' friends who insist this is normal and let him get on with it, don't give it a second thought type thing and my friends still home educating who think I am damaging him somehow by pushing this.

I know I will get honest answers here! Did your kids go through similar? Or is he unusual in his feelings? I appreciate that the majority of kids will have been through this adjustment to separation earlier, but home ed worked very well for us when we did it but it is now time to move on.

What do you reckon? Is he normal? Will this sort of thing damage him in some way? Do I stick with my normal technique of 'bright and breezy' at drop/peel off and then don't allude to it at pick up or should I be encouraging him to talk about it more etc?

How is he after you leave? If he is fine I would just continue as you are doing for now.
One of mine really struggled with physically separating from me when she was younger. It was the moment of separation she hated rather than us being away from each other.
School drop offs were very difficult at the beginning. She would cry and cling and get very upset but I would always gently, but firmly hand her over to the teacher and leave.
Once I was gone she was totally fine and she really thrived in school.

Apparently he is still quiet but is starting to chat more. I see him at playtime sometimes (we live round the corner so I walk past, he doesn't see me) and he is playing with other kids etc.

I think in an ideal world he would rather be with me and misses me, but is ok when he's there. Today was an all time low in terms of drop off, having to chase him down the road.

It is difficult because you want to feel you are doing the best thing for them. If he is already making friends and playing it sounds like he is adjusting well.
It's only been 10 days which is no length really. I'd keep it calm and positive for now and see how it goes.
I didn't HE at all but I'm a SAHM and dd didn't go to nursery or any childcare until pre-school when she was just turning 4.

By chasing him down the road do you mean you are making him go? I'd rather be at home with my mum too! I struggle to get my children out of the house but I consider their mood when I collect them more important. You have obviously decided to school them for good reasons - I think you need more time to settle him in. A lot more time really if he started in September - as you said he is still making friends and learning a routine.

Sorry I forgot the 10 day bit - you really need more time. x

I think you need to give it more time. I think deep down many kids would rather be at home with their parents but that doesn’t necessarily make it the right thing for the family. And mornings are tough for lots of people - not just kids. I’m 36 and sometimes I still feel I could do with my Mum chasing me into work but I love my job when I get there! If he’s settling later in the day, I don’t think you should worry too much yet.

Mornings are like that. I (and no doubt many, many other people) felt like that most days before work even though it was a job I loved, had chosen and mostly enjoyed doing as soon as I got there.

Sounds pretty standard to me. He’s had years of his life with his status quo being one way and now he is adapting to a different way. Hug him, smile and stay calm. It will pass. Good luck.

Thanks all. I'm conscious of not wanting to make it a 'thing', that he doesn't like school. Cause I think he does, he'd just rather pootle around with me. Which is fine, but I think school will do him good in the long term.

We withdrew our now 8 yr old part way into yr 1 as she never settled...but it felt very different. She was desperately unhappy and anxious, cried on and off all day and it really wasn't working. This feels like stubbornness mixed with home sickness. I just feel like every other child is skipping off in and mine are clinging to the gate post...what am I doing wrong! I am the common denominator, so either I am doing something wrong or the kids aren't cut out for school. I don't want to take him out, selfishly life is much easier with him at school and I do believe he will get there, but is that the wrong choice and am I damaging him? Fuck this parenting thing is hard 😂

My husband always points out to him that he would rather hang out with me as well, especially on a Monday morning but that you have to do what you have to do. And he loves his job! 😂

My kids have always been in school and at 9 & 7 they still try it on some mornings, it’s normal, of course they’d rather be at home in their jammies playing with their toys and being with their mum
10 days is nothing, I’d keep it bright and breezy and he’ll adjust, just give it more time

I don’t think it’s that they aren’t cut out for school, just that they have only just started
Look at all the children in nursery and reception 10 days into the school year, I’m sure they’re being peeled off their mums legs too, your children are older and in classes full of children who have been doing this for years and are used to it, you can’t compare them to their classmates

That's true. My 8 yr old is perfectly happy and I never thought we would get there, so will keep going

What you have to remember is all the kids happily skipping into school are used to it as by Year 2 they are in their 3rd year of the school routine.
I can gaurentee that many of them were clingy and upset in their first few weeks of reception. Your son is just going through this process a little later that is all.
He will be fine , school is a massive change but if he is happy and making friends while he is there I woyld stick with it .

I think most kids are like that when they start school, or nursery. Yours is just doing it at a different stage to others so you aren’t one among many at the Reception gate.

My DS1 had to be peeled off me to go to breakfast club in reception despite having 4 years at nursery. That lasted a week or so and then he made good friends and now adores it (and refuses to do after school activities because it would interfere with yim at club). He proudly told me he was reading to one of the wee Reception kids last week (he is now in year 2) because ‘I remember what it’s like to feel little and it will be nice for him to have a big friend.’

Adjustments are tricky things. He’s bouncing out happy in the afternoon - that’s the key.

It’s not fair to compare your 6 year old who has been at school for 10 days with a 6 year old who is in their third year of formal schooling. Of course they will go in more easily, it’s normal for them and new for your ds. Also the other kids all know each other. Remember how tiring it is when you start a new job and have to get to know everyone and learn a new routine. The fact he is playing when you see him and happy when he comes out would be enough for me to know he will be okay. Definitely persevere and perhaps aim to leave a little earlier so you don’t feel you are chasing him in.

DS2 has gone to school since nursery, he's now in yr3 and still tries to drag me into school! I don't think HE has anything to do with it. Is your 6yo a sensitive soul?

Yes, he is to a degree. He's a mummy's boy, and very attached to his home and his family.

You mention that you see the other kids happily going in, all fine, but they are year 2 so have had 2 years to get used to it. 10 days isn’t long at all and I’m sure he will settle down especially as he seems happy in the day. It will get better... my eldest was still clingy with me by year 2 and I found it so hard because the kids in her class that had been clingy all settled by year 1. Now she’s year 6 and likes to walk to school ahead of us and meet up with her friends who also walk alone!

Have you tried letting him ride a bike or scooter to school?

Have you spoken to the school? My best friends DS really struggles with going into school (although he loves it!) so he has his own morning routine where he’s allowed in a different door and is met by a TA. I’m sure, especially with the coming from a home school environment, they would help and support you whilst your son adapts to the new status quo!

Give it time op, 10 days is nothing at all.
My dd is in year 3 and there is a little girl in her class ( the oldest of the girls so already 8 ) who cries every day when going in but after speaking to her mum once she said that she is fine once in school and is very attached in general.

If both your dc were like this then it would be easier to think you've made the wrong decision if that makes sense?
Older dc is 2 years older and more mature. She will likely have been the same 2 years ago.

Good luck, persevere and carry on.
The one bit of advice I would give would be to have a fantastic routine for mornings and school related "stuff" as it makes life soooo much easier

It does sound like separation anxiety, doesn't it? I think a brief, matter of fact goodbye helps, and maybe a treat if he tries not to make a fuss all week, like tea in his favourite café?

What helped with DS2 was how attached to his Bear he is. Bear's still the first thing he asks for when he comes out of school.

Sympathies OP. I too home educated then sent my children to school later.

You will get some home edders who believe that school is always damaging to children and that home ed is always better.

You will get people at the other end of the scale who believe that home ed is always damaging and that school is always better.

Imo neither of these things are true. My experience is that as you say, there's a big difference between a seriously unhappy child and one who would just rather stay home.

My 11 year old didn't cope in school. He does now and whilst he'doesn't sometimes love to give it a miss and play computer games at home, it is he best option available for him at the moment and it's obvious in terms of his overall wellbeing.

I'd give it a bit longer. Be bright and breezy. But allow him to talk about his feelings and validate them if he brings it up.

With one of mine, I realised that I was giving her too much responsibility for the decision as to school vs home ed and that she couldn't cope with the decision. It was up to me as her parent to monitor her development and wellbeing and decide what was best.

I like to say I'm child led not philosophy led ;-)