To think that cheating on your partner is not 'being naughty'?

[Madmozzie]

Dh cheated before we got married, but while engaged. He was recently catching up with a female colleague he worked with a few years on from that, conversation touched on my further doubts (knowing I had found something), and she asked him if he'd been naughty, referring to cheating. No doubt about that.

Am pretty pissed off that it's obviously such a joke to some ppl!

For some it's a huge deal and one they won't tolerate. To others it's something that's ok to do or to have done to them as they carry on in the relationship.

As for whether it's naughty depends on which viewpoint you take and if married where you've taken vows.

No, it's not how I'd describe it. But it sounds as if you may be focusing your anger on the wrong target. What makes you think DH is being unfaithful? How did he react when you asked him about it? Do you feel you can trust him?

Why on earth would a virtual stranger know he had cheated on you pre wedding ?

Do you think he is cheating on you again?

It's quite an odd thing to talk about between acquaintances. But I would be annoyed with dp who did the deed as opposed to someone's awkward phrasing.

It's adultery - there's nothing remotely funny about it.

How close is he to this woman ?

I don't think it matters what his colleague refers to it as. That really shouldn't be what you're focussing on at the moment ...

In this context, asking a man if he has been naughty could be considered flirting.

Maybe she felt a bit awkward with the fact your dh was discussing with her. I know I come out with weird things when I feel awkward.

To others it's something that's ok to do or to have done to them as they carry on in the relationship.
Jeez, really? That's so sad. For them, and anyone caught up with them who doesn't know their values!

But I would be annoyed with dp who did the deed as opposed to someone's awkward phrasing.
You misunderstood me then. I'm mad that cheating seems a joke to some ppl, when it's actually pretty devastating. She's one of the ones who knows he'd cheated a year or so before they started working closely together on a project at work. It just astounded me that she seemed to think it funny and acceptable that he may have done it again. Maybe it's the job they're in (forces), but I was disappointed at that casual acceptance. Especially from a female, and a friend.

Someone I know who cheats on his partner calls it being naughty I guess to diminish it/make it seem less bad so possibly she does it herself and used that phrase for that reason?
I’d find it odd/off that she was asking that in general to be honest.

He will do it again. Why did you marry him?

Yeah, I could see that, user. You know what reputation the forces have. Never used to think it was true for the majority, but now I've joined that statistic, well, who knows. Pathetic that infidelity is taken so lightly though.

I think you’re probably angry with the wrong person - if it came up in conversation she could have been embarrassed and tried to laugh it off, maybe? Very, very weird for your husband to have that conversation with a colleague though.

I think you have bigger problems than terminology. Sounds like you married a cheap slapper. Being in the forces is no excuse, you could say the same about any profession.

He will do it again. Why did you marry him?

You know that for a fact, do you? And does that relate to the q I asked? I didn't know, before we got married FYI. Or I bloody wouldn't have still been with him! Don't bother asking why I'm still here, now I know. It's years down the line, different situations, but that's a whole different thread, and not what I asked.

You've found something. Which means he's done it again, in all likelihood, either with this women or possibly more.

TBH you didn't ask anything.
But yes he'll do it again. And he's already humiliating you in front of another woman. How would she know?
How did you find out?

But yes he'll do it again.
How do you know that steak?

Being in the forces is no excuse, you could say the same about any profession.
I didn't say it was, but there are certain professions which have high percentages of infidelity compared to others, because of enforced separation, opportunities etc. The forces being one of them. And it has a reputation for cheating, probably due to that.

Look, you're the one who has 'found something' and is married to a known cheater here. Enforced separation, opportunities, my arse. Lack of self-control and being a slag is the root of it all. It doesn't matter what it's called, you know he's cheated and you've 'found something'.

If you started this thread to talk about how devastating cheating is, why are you expending so much on energy on defending his history of cheating? I don't get what you want from this.

Op, did you used to post under a similar "mozz" name ?

If that is you then for sure you are flogging a dead horse

Honestly, because he's done it before.
There will have been more.
He got away with it the first time, and found the secrecy normal and was able to be 'normal' with you the whole time.
He's part of a culture where it's just the same as getting fish and chips instead of roast dinner because you fancy a change.
It won't be a 'thing' for him, he won't have to think about it. It's normal to him.

To me, it sounds like he is someone known to her as a serial cheater and she referred to it like that as that is how he has referred to it in the past.

Some people get uppity about some things others don't care so much and vice versa. To one person a bit of extracurricular sex is just that, to others a gross betrayal. No point in judging others opinions.