Is it wrong to allow a child to continue believing in Father Christmas at the risk of them being teased?

[LittleHouseonTheHill]

Almost 9 yrs old DS.

He fully believes in Father Christmas . His best friend does not and has started to tease DS.

Some of the class do still believe , some (especially the older ones) do not .

I think it’s time for the truth if he asks .
My DM thinks we still have a few years left if we tell him “of course he’s real”.

I was 12 when I found out

I don’t want DS to be teased or tell him too early but I get his friends have more influence than me

He definitely believes 100% .

WWYD ?

Is the teasing bothering him?

I might talk to him about how to manage that. Obviously if it's getting more towards nastiness and bullying, go to the school as that's unacceptable no matter what it's about. If it's good natured and his friend is laughing at him for believing but he is happy to keep believing (or at least pretend to!) then I would leave it. Maybe come up with some responses to his friend (the 'can you definitively prove it' one from up thread!) or some useful strategies for changing the subject if that's what he's most comfortable with.

If he asks you then I agree with pp, I wouldn't outright lie but might have a general conversation about "what do you think?"

Tbh if friends are telling him and you're a bit evasive then I'm sure he'll work it out anyway

They don’t always work it out themselves. For some kids it’s inconceivable their parents told them something Wrong

He’s due back from a sleepover with a group of friends later today , it may crop up then .

I like the “what do you think” approach and hope he works it out himself

Not the first time I have been accused of that! It's with my tooth fairy writing paper along with the picture of the tooth detector I keep in my classroom to stop the distress after a lost tooth.

Don't tell him unless he asks. He probably suspects, but wants to carry on believing so he continues to get presents.

If he asks, tell him.

If he doesn't ask he's not quite ready to know just yet.

My just-8 yr old asked me outright yesterday in front of his little brother if Santa was real as someone at school had said he isn't. I went with saying what do you think? And DS2 piped up with 'hes magic!' and that was that it I fully expect Ds1 to realise for sure before next Christmas.

I'm going with it pushing the idea of Santa any more but not explicitly denying it either.

DS knows, I'm certain, that it's make believe even though it's 100% not IMO but we are going to Lapland at Christmas just to make sure that I am right.

No one ever told me Father Christmas wasn't real. I worked it out for myself as our Christmas stockings were full of little presents we subsequently had to write thank you letters for. "Dear Auntie Margaret, thank you for the handkerchiefs labelled from you that turned up in my stocking.."

I knew at 5 due to finding my letter to Santa in a cupboard! My mum was always truthful and I wasn't upset in fact it made sense to me. My children were questioning Santa around 6/7 so I told them and they were fine. At 9 I would tell him the truth

DS 1 age 10 still believes and so do his friends , I will tell him before he starts secondary school. I love it that he still believes

Mn think every dc should be told at 8. My dc is 10 and started asking once then stopped mid sentence. I said she can ask and I'll be honest with my response. She smiled and said "no, it's fine." She'd rather pretend. My df still says Father Christmas only comes if you believe so at 36 I "still believe" when we stay at my parents for Christmas. 9 is still so young and some believe and some don't. The race to "prevent dc from not being teased" means more dc are being told earlier and earlier.

More and more dc have mh issues with stresses of life, keep the magic alive as long as possible. Especially through primary!

I used a letter like this one (found online) and tweaked it to make it personal when my daughter (now 12) was coming to the realisation that Santa wasn’t real. I’ll be doing the same with my ten year old son soon too, no doubt.

^You asked a very good question: "Are you Santa?"
I know you've wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I've had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.

The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.

I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my parents did for me, and the same way their parents did for them.

I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.
This won't make you Santa, though.

Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can't see or touch.
It's a big job, and it's an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents, and in your family. You'll also need to believe in things you can't measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.
Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he's filled with joy.

With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.
So, no, I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I'm on his team, and now you are, too.^

'Quite rightly get teased'
In what world is it ever quite right to tease a child
My ss believed when he was 12, by the time he was 13 he didn't.

DD is 7 and knows but has promised to pretend he's real for DS 4.

@buggerandballs @nottonightjosepheen absolutely love both of those ways of explanation, they are beautifully worded

My dd fond out when she was 10 on Christmas day when she spotted the spare christmas stocking.She had suspected but had proof!
As she opened her Santa presents she kept smiling and saying what good taste Santa had and I got lots of hugs.

He is still only a young child, let him believe, he will soon discover it in his own time. On Mumsnet they want children to grow old before their time, and at 6 you should be telling them.

I totally agree Nottonight very well written, there is just a small window in which there is childhood, until the child grows up and is thrust in the big wide cruel world. Maintaining the magic as long as the child wants is lovely, why not!

Wait, WTAF are you telling me Father Christmas is not real? I need to go for a lie down![santa]

^^ In all seriousness I personally don't think I ever believed in FC, as my parents were quite religious and I went to a Catholic school and was taught the ' true meaning ' of Christmas. Those bloody nuns were right killjoys!

I’m very surprised he hasn’t figured it out for himself - is he generally more switched on, or is quite slow on the uptake in all aspects of life?

Methvenie , maybe he is acting like a child should, he is only 9 not 19, yes the type of Mumsnetter I was referring to.