I am a single mum to a DD 2, and a DS 2 months. We live in a private rented flat in a rough area of a northern city. I come from a working class background, and where I was raised was hardly perfect and it had it's fair share of crime but it was nowhere near as bad as where I am now (same city, but different area). There was a sense of community where I grew up, a sentiment of "we look after our own" and everyone would rally around and help someone if there had been a robbery etc. It was mostly families who had been in the area for generations and knew each other. This current estate is a lot different, the crime rate is much higher and I am feeling very much alone.
I am not here by choice. Me and my ex partner were renting a lovely flat in a decent new build estate on the outskirts of the city earlier this year until we broke up as he had been cheating. My parents are both dead, and I didn't really have any family support. So I had to give up our new build flat as it was too expensive even with my part time job and child support payments from my ex. I was in a shitty situation financially and that's how I've ended up in the flat I am in currently. It's all I can afford.
I moved in to this flat when DS was 2 weeks. He is now exactly 2 months and my landlord is actually a decent bloke. He's sorted out any issues that have arisen within the flat (damp etc) and it is done up to a decent standard.
The problem is the area. Let's just say this estate has a huge gang problem and has been at the centre of few news stories that will be well known nationwide. I've probably already given too much away. A young lad was stabbed 2 minutes away from my flat a couple of weeks ago. It terrifies me. I don't go out unless I absolutely need to and I order my shopping online. I've only been out once this week to take DS to a doctor's appointment on Tuesday. On my 5 minute walk to the clinic with DS in pram and DD holding my hand, we were harassed by a group of teenage lads. They were throwing cigarettes and rubbish at the pram and saying derogatory things about me and DD. They called me a fat slag but even worse they were calling my 2 year old DD "sexy". I started walking faster at this point and tried not to acknowledge them (keep in mind there were about 10 of them and 1 of me with 2 young children, I was helpless) but they started climbing on to their bikes. Thankfully we were right near a corner shop so I took the kids in there and waited for about 10 minutes until I saw them leave. I managed to get to the clinic unscathed but I called for a taxi to take us home despite it being a 5 minute walk. This was because it was already getting dark by the time we got out of the clinic (thanks daylight saving time) and I was NOT walking through that estate alone.
I got out of the taxi with DC and got into the building, I got the lift up to the 2nd floor with DC and as the lift doors opened there was another group of about 10 teenage lads standing outside the lift. They weren't waiting to get into the lift, just loitering about. Thankfully they moved out of the way for me to get DC past. They were watching me though as I walked down the hallway to my flat.
They were there for another 4ish hours smoking god knows what (it def wasn't weed, I suspect crack cocaine) and shouting. They were so loud I couldn't put DC down for a nap. 3 days later and I've not been out since. I know it's not healthy for DC or me to be cooped up inside constantly with not fresh air, and DD has been bored to tears but I don't know what to do. If I could drive I'd enroll her in nursery so she could socialise etc but that would be a 10 minute walk in my current situation and I'd be walking down the road that a 14 year old got stabbed to death on on a little while back. DC have gone for contact with their dad this morning (Saturday morning) and I get them back Sunday evening. I miss them like crazy whenever they are with their dad but it's also a relief for that one night a week. Because I know he lives in an okay area and he will take them out safely.
It is so bad here. Even now just taking a quick look outside my window I think I can see a prostitute loitering around outside the apartment building. And a few hours ago there was a massive fight between two groups of teens. I'm glad DC weren't here to listen to that as I think the noise would stress baby out and DD would have been terrified. There have been times I've considered giving my ex full custody, which would absolutely destroy me but at least my kids would be safe and would be able to live a normal life.
My ex tells me I need to toughen up and go out for the sake of the kids, but I don't think he understands truly how bad it is around here. I'm not sure how much longer I can cope.
AIBU?
To be frightened of where I live, do I need to toughen up?
glitterandgold · 18/11/2018 02:31
That's absolutely horrible - so sorry for you 
I've lived in some terrible areas but nothing as bad as you describe. The flash points for you are getting in and out your flat as there's stairwells etc, and getting off your estate safely.
There are plenty of cheap areas in the north east but you do have to choose carefully. It's always better to live very close to a town centre as there's more police presence and more people walking about. Trapped in an estate is where you get groups of teenagers with nothing to do.
The worst place I've lived is a village where public transport was shocking, literally nothing for the children to do apart from harass or get up to mischief. Was a horrible place to live. Just 3 competing housing estates - all council and one barricaded Spar. I get the willies just thinking about it.
I've no idea what your rent is but this is the type of place I've felt safest. Town centres are dodgy late at night - which doesn't matter as you won't be out but they're busy during the day and safer. I know Boro isn't fancy but the town centre area is way safer feeling than you describe. I'm sure others can recommend areas they know too.
Please say your ex isn’t living in the nice new build on his own while you’re in the horrid flat?
Yes this ^
OP - yes absolutely do everything you can to move - even if it means moving some distance away. Your situation sounds so hard 
. And you sound brave and strong.
How much would a deposit on a new place be?
I can't believe some people are trying to turn this into a North/South thing 
As if the op would find it easier to rent an affordable flat in a nice area down South? Cloud cuckoo land.
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