....to go on strike???!!!

[barney2]

I'm tired, exhausted, fed up, surrounded by loads of housework, never get 5 minutes to myself anymore, have two lovely kids that are permanently on my back, a lovely dh who can't understand why I'm so done in all the time, I'm only 39 and I'm going grey already, I've got saggy boobs, saggy arse and generally saggy all over and I HATE IT!!!!

Help!!

Oh poor Barney, you badly need some 'me-time'. Could you make at least half an hour a day when you can just do something for yourself, by yourself? Could lovely dh take the kids off your hands for an afternoon to let you do something YOU enjoy?

You need urgent therapy--in the form of a long walk in a park/countryside/along a beach.

Even an hour in a bookshop does it for me sometimes.

barney2 i feel exactly the same as you at the moment its not nice is it?

I feel it is all getting on top of me and I am not in control of anything at the moment - i'm not a controlling person btw but the lo's are running rings around me

barney2 i'm 30 and have noticed a grey tinge already!!

I'm coming out on strike with you

dO YOU WORK (outside the home)?
That helps
Am a different woman since i rejoined workforce and am in similar situation to you with dh away for weeks on end.

i personally find it hard to find things to do regularly outside the home as DP works long hours and is never home at a regular time - but i do make sure I go out with friends and DP at least once a month each this really helps to make me feel slightly normal again

barney2 do you and DH go out together? i know your very tired but it will probably do you both good its easy to fall into a rut at home. when we're in a rut i just force myself to make the extra effort to do something even if i don't feel like it as it always makes me feel better

I can understand you wanting to go on strike. You need some time for you. Go to the hairdressers, sit in a cafe and read a book, go for a swim, whatever does it for you. And I need it too!!

I don't have anyone who can have the kids for me - my Mum lives away and we don't have anything to do with my dh's parents (long long long story...). When my youngest is at playgroup I work but she only does two mornings a week so don't get much of a break there either. My dh is very supportive but only the other day he said 'if you need a break go out somewhere' - he couldn't grasp the idea that it'd be nice if he took the kids out and gave me some peace at home.

I love my kids but I honestly feel like I've been put on this earth to be a Mum/wife and that's it. Everywhere I turn I see jobs that need doing. The ironing pile is threatening to fall on top of me each time I walk past it. The washing machine is always full with another pile waiting to go in. I can't hold a conversation on the phone without one of the kids bickering/screaming/tapping me on the arm to get my attention. I keep telling myself that I didn't go to college to learn how to be a Mum. I've asked my Mum for help and she just replies 'oh its all part of being a Mother' etc etc - she didn't get any help either so doesn't see why I should need any help/breathing space.

Whilst I'm sat typing this I've got the eldest dd sat behind me asking me questions to do with her maths homework and a tired 3yr old stood next to me with her head up against my left arm sucking her thumb!!

I can't win and oh boy have I had a enough sometimes. It's just non stop and do I want this for the next 10-15yrs?

And yes I hate going grey - I don't want to start looking older than I arm - even my eyebrows are going grey!

And this may well shock some of you but the last time dh and I went out alone was when my eldest dd was 3 yrs old - that's 6yrs ago - we'd just sat down to a meal at a lovely pub and got a phone call to say she'd just thrown up all over the place - I'd left her with a friend. We've never been out again since...and even if we did go out somewhere, just the two of us, I probably wouldn't know what to talk about. He's always at work, I work when he gets home - we're passing ships and don't seem to have a lot in common anymore. When the kids are finally in bed in the evening I tend to do the jobs I need to get done or I head for any early night with a book and he'll sit and watch tv and come to bed when I'm asleep - then he's up and away by 6am the following day. Not a very healthy relationship I know...I think we just exist!

oh barney.... most mums are in the same position i think,,,,its exhausting isnt it. I dont spose the both of you could have a candlelit meal for 2 (takeaway) and a bottle of wine,, just for one night?
could you afford a cleaner at all, just to blitz the house onnce a week, sorry if my suggestions are crap it s just you seem so down....

Hi hotbot. I can't afford a cleaner as much as I'd love to. Housework is a permanent full time job and I'm not a lover of it. I clean a room and the kids follow behind and leave a trail of destruction - ie toys etc....It's a never ending job.

I am always telling my dh that I just crave a break... he doesn't seem to understand how much my life simply revolves around being a Mum and wife. Don't get me wrong - I know how lucky I am to be married to a lovely bloke with two smashing kids but I just feel as though I'm always rolling from one day into the next with no break in between.

I'm always dressed in the same drab stuff - jeans/t-shirts etc. My hair is permanently tied up - I used to go to the hairdresser regularly - now I shower every morning and it stays tied up all day. I don't bother with make-up anymore. I rarely wear perfume.

It's such a huge change to how I used to be. Before children (9yrs ago) I wore lovely clothes, did a brilliantly paid full time job that I enjoyed, wore make-up, had lovely haircuts, wore lovely perfume, had a lovely figure (!) and generally felt really good about myself.

When my head hits the pillow at night I'm sound asleep within minutes. I'm always completely worn out. My days start at 6am and don't finish until 11pm ish. I've always got jobs to do. I seem to devote my entire time to other people.

Yes we could have a candlelit takeaway but by the time dh is home from work, which could be 9pm, it's hardly worth it and besides which we're always too skint!!

I do feel so sorry for you - I only have one dd and a dp who means well, is at home a lot as he's an actor but still seems not to know how the washing machine works or where the hoover is. However, we survive in slightly slob mode. Could you try the same - not being too much of a perfectionist? For instance, I only iron essentials - in fact, hardly ever! Dd's school shirts don't really need ironing (my theory being they get creased as soon as she puts them on, and anyway, M&S shirts dry pretty smooth). Could you just iron dh's work shirts & leave the rest? That might reduce the threatening pile. And vacuum once a week only. And if your dds are 3 & 9, could they have a box each in every room, and be made to put all their stuff into the boxes at the end of each day? Or help load the washing machine?

And you could still make a simple, cheap meal and have it by candlelight at least once a week, maybe Friday or Saturday night, to try to get back some of that companionship you used to have...

I'm ok...just feel like I'm at everyone else's beck and call all the time which is what does me in. If I'm not doing school runs (4 per day) I'm working, driving around, shopping, cleaning, walking the dog, cooking, tidying up, gardening etc etc. There always seems to be something to do!

Like I'm sat here typing this and I must get on and make myself a drink, put some shopping away that I've dumped in the hall, have to go and pick up dd2 from playgroup at half 12, feed her, hoover round, feed the dog, strip some beds, go and pick up dd1 at 3pm, come home, feed them, bath, ready for bed, homework, etc etc etc....and already this morning I've done two school runs, worked for 2hrs, done some shopping and now sat here and already its almost midday. Where does the time go?

I think sometimes I'm just too soft...I say yes to people who want favours when I should be saying no - I like to help other people out but it never seems to happen to me - ie people offering to help me - maybe they think I don't need the help?!!

I can remember when I'd not long had dd2 and was very ill and in and out of hospital I asked my Mum to help me with dd1 and I was basically told 'no - you can manage'. She didn't mean it nastily but just couldn't see why I couldn't cope - so I've learnt not to ask for help anymore.

Bringing up kids has to be one of the hardest, most exhausting full-time jobs around. I love my girls but they do wear me out along with all the jobs that come with them!

barney2 how are you today? If it makes you feel less lonely i was up til 1am doing house work because i'd dared to sit down and watch Rome last night and new I wouldn't be able to do it today and i'm also up and down there all day with one thing or another going on at the jnr and infant schools. I'm like you love my kids but hate the mundane life of housework/homework/etc too!

where do you live?

Sorry you are feeling awful.- here are a few tips.
it's all about time management and self-esteem.
First- delegate- get the H to do his share- make a list of what needs doing and split it 50/50 or 70/30 - whatever seems fair to you.
Next- priotritise the chores- essentials, not essentials,and plain "do if there is time".
Tackle all the essentials before lunchtime.

Get the kids to tidy up- they are old enough to put their stuff away in their rooms or the toy box- set some rules for them.

Use internet shopping (costs £5 or less) and have one day a week when you don't cook- go out or get a take awy.

Plan an hour of "you time" into every day- do your hair, get some make up on, or go shopping, or read and relax. can you fit in 30 minutes of exercise 3x a week? you'll feel loads better.

Above all, put YOU at the top of the list and stop being taken for granted. If you don't feel you have time to help others, then say so inthe nicest way.

You can have what you want- but you need to organise yourself and raise your expectations.

Barney2 empathy to you. Some good advice on here. hope your are ok. My d/h and i so need to get out more.

Thanks for all your threads and very helpful advice.

I know I need to make more 'me' time but I never seem to get around to it.

For example I now have one hour at home (I've only just got home from playgrp) before I'm back out the door to collect dd1 from school. Then I'm home again at about 4pm (I walk to and from school - takes an hour in total but good exercise and fresh air etc) and its a case of straight into the kitchen to make tea, put the kids in the bath, wash up, put things away, make lunchboxes for the following day, homework, story time and bed time. By the time I've got through all that its 8pm and I'm yet to have my tea, bath etc .... then I look at the clock again and its heading towards 10pm by which time I just fall into bed.

My absolute best time of the day is actually when I head towards bed, cup of tea in hand and I pick my book up and sit up in bed, windows wide open, listening to the rain outside and I read for as long as I can enjoying the peace and quiet. Whereas I should be enjoying my dh's company but tbh its a case of talking to the tv because he's normally glued to it and I don't have the patience nor energy for that.

I'm not lonely...I'm just permanently exhausted and, well, fed up I guess.....

Also, tbh, I think dh and I are in a real rut. Been together for 17 years - he was my pen-pal from the first gulf war (he was in forces) - had blind date - got on extremely well - married couple of years later and we had so much in common, did loads of travelling etc etc....now both work all the hours, big mortgage, plenty of debts, two growing children, both tired and tbh not a lot to say to each other anymore.

We never get the chance to sit down and have a proper chat - I talk more to him on the phone during the day than when he comes home in the evening. Whenever we try to talk one or both of the kids come in and interrupt or they start squabbling or the phone goes or...or.....we just don't get the chance to talk anymore.

You do need to find some time together without the kids. You say you do loads for others - it's time to call in some of those favours - don't be afraid to ask. If you don't ask, people probably think you're an amazing woman who manages to juggle it all - and none of us are Superwoman really. Can you see if someone can babysit for one evening a week or even one evening a fortnight or a month - just to let you and h go out, even if it's just for a walk in the park - or a drink or meal, just to have some time together without interruptions, so you can rediscover each other as a couple, not just parents and housekeepers. My sister used to do this religiously every Friday as she felt she and BIL were growing apart when their kids were little. It really helped.

And do prioritise your housework - a little dust and crumpled clothes never hurt anyone.

You'll find it won't be long - sadly - before your girls are older and don't need or want to hang around you so much - by the time they're in their teens you'll be a taxi service but so will other parents, so you'll finally have evenings to yourself - but until that time, do try to get a sitter - one of your children's friends' parents perhaps? or a neighbour's reliable teenager? You might even find someone on MN.

i do feel for you as my routine is the same (i don't drive so have to walk everywhere too which takes ages) and with 4 small ones to walk from school to babygroups back to home then back to school again and then to after school clubs then back home is a nightmare

However i do try and make a small amount of time for myself whether its 10mins in the morning to put make up on or reading a book i do it - but I don't think that having a whole hour of 'me' time every day is possible at the moment, although a nice idea .

But maybe you could start to sort yourself out (in the nicest possible way ) - go through your wardrobe throw out what you don't like wearing, throw out the things you hate seeing yourself in day in day out, and if you get the chance or money buy a new top/skirt/jeans/whatever once a month and slowly start to build a wardrobe that you do like seeing yourself in

We have hardly any spare cash but i do try to do this i look out for clothes that won't necessarily go out of fashion but still look good, or things in cheaper shops/on sale - put a new top in your basket when you do the tesco shop!

Even if you don't see the point do the same with your make up chuck out what you don't like but start wearing the things you do like again just a bit of lippy and mascara in the morning does wonders!!

Its all about your self esteam i'm not a vain person by any means but if you do small things like this to help you feel better about yourself then this will probably have an effect on your home life too if you are happy then it has a knock on effect for the rest of your house - the same happens the other way around though!

sorry something has gone wrong with some of the typing there not quite sure what has happened though!

something wrong with the (') i think