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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel guilty about using a dummy?

36 replies

Sunnydays19 · 17/11/2018 20:22

My DS is 3 months old and solely breastfed. I feel awful for using a dummy on occasions when he is unsettled.
If I don't use it, he is looking for something to suckle on. I offer the breast but he becomes fussy (has a suck and then unlatches) I'm guessing this is because he is not hungry. I'm worried he will wean himself from me if I use the dummy too much. Am I over thinking and being silly to think this..? Just need some reassurance.

OP posts:

Chottie · 17/11/2018 20:24

Dummies are fine to use. If it's helping DS to settle, let him have it. :) Congratulations on your LO too.

Lazypuppy · 17/11/2018 20:25

I breastfed my baby, and she had dummy and expressed milk in a bottle from 2 weeks.

If breastfeeding is established, he won't stop just because you give him a dummy don't panic

Esker · 17/11/2018 20:26

I bloody love dummies. Cheap source of contentment for them, and of peace and quiet for me

Esker · 17/11/2018 20:27

Sorry and on a more relevant note, dummy use hasn't caused any issues for feeding with DS, now 7 months, who was EBF for first 6 mo.

Km06 · 17/11/2018 20:28

I breastfed and used dummy, my 4 year old still sucks an imaginary dummy when shes tired i fed her till 14months

peachgreen · 17/11/2018 20:28

Dummies are brilliant. They comfort your baby, they help prevent SIDS and they are easily got rid of when you / your baby are ready.

Lymphy · 17/11/2018 20:28

My ds never had a dummy, he does have a comfort toy with the ear chewed to death though. My 4 month old dd on the other hand has a dummy at night (Id give it to her it the day if I needed but so far it's not needed) so if you find it helps then it's fine, I felt so bad giving her it but a very lovely friend who happens to be a health visitor said if it works for you and her it works full stop.

Santaispolishinghissleigh · 17/11/2018 20:29

Dummies are recommended to help prevent sids.
And read today that dm's who clean a dummy in their own mouths can actually pass on good bacteria!

StarfishSandwich · 17/11/2018 20:29

You’re overthinking I think. I wish DS (10 weeks) would take a dummy but he just spits it out! Unless you start trying to replace feeds with a dummy - ie. if he was clearly hungry and you ignored all the signs, you aren’t going to do any harm once breastfeeding is established. It’s probably more beneficial for your DS to have a calm, relaxed mum because he isn’t fussy and screaming thanks to the dummy!

Wasywasydoodah · 17/11/2018 20:30

Yabu. I felt guilty too with my first. At this age it doesn’t affect breastfeeding and is absolutely fine. Give your baby a dummy and be happy!

ChocolateAddictionIsReal · 17/11/2018 20:31

My baby is also 3 months old and exclusively breastfed. He has a dummy and it's been a lifesaver! It really soothes him when unsettled but not hungry and it took us a few weeks to find a dummy he would actually take. I really wouldn't worry about him going off the breast because he's not getting milk from the dummy so will always prefer your breast x

3ChangingForNow · 17/11/2018 20:32

Dummies reduce SIDS by up to 95%. I'd feel guilty NOT using one.

Hohocabbage · 17/11/2018 20:33

My baby loved his dummy only slightly less than he loved breastfeeding and the one didn’t interfere with the other - he was close to four when he stopped nursing

NurseryFightClub · 17/11/2018 20:36

Don't worry about it, my DD was the same and honestly I'd forgotten she had a dummy at 3-6months until I saw a photo today. She was an early talker, no issues with settling etc.

RuskBaby · 17/11/2018 20:36

The lactation consultant we used advised we give a dummy to give me a break! Honestly try not to worry.

Fatted · 17/11/2018 20:38

Better a dummy than a thumb or fingers!

Best thing I ever did was give my grumpy refluxy colicky eldest a dummy.

Original poster

Sunnydays19 · 17/11/2018 20:39

Thank you all so much for the reassurance.. I'm just being silly.

OP posts:

louella99 · 17/11/2018 20:42

I have a 12 week old and didn't want to use a dummy. I'm also EBF my baby. At around 6 weeks I was demented and started using one - best thing I ever did! Hasn't affected breastfeeding at all. In fact, his weight gain had been slow but he started piling the weight on when we introduced the dummy. Might be a coincidence, but I do feel we've got a calmer baby now and I'm certainly a calmer more effective mother!

Uummokay · 17/11/2018 20:44

Go for it! My baby had lots of special care for the first few weeks of life. Before three weeks old and before she was able to even consider having the energy to latch onto the breast, the Neo natel nurses advised me that introducing a dummy wouldn't be a bad idea. We also introduced a daily bottle of 10ml expressed milk.

So a dummy in the first two weeks of life and a bottle of milk before ever latching.

Dummy caused zero feeding issues and the bottle caused zero nipple confusion. Successfully breastfed till 14 months (13 months and 1 week).

I think there is too much nonsense and not enough research around the above subjects.

NCT pre natel course said no dummy and no bottle, Nurse said yes to both. The irony being it was only due to a difficult start that i was able to be so well informed.

ReflectionsofParadise · 17/11/2018 20:46

Dummies are used to help prevent sids. They are now midwife and HV recommended. The stigma attached to them is idiocy and based on old wives tales about the crap dummies kids had in the 70s/80 and 90's.

Teateaandmoretea · 17/11/2018 20:47

Yabu why on earth would you feel guilty about using a dummy? . It's just bizarre snobby nonsense.

Both mine had dummies, we got rid easily before 18 months when they started chucking. Both have good teeth and got exceeding for speech in reception. Just give your baby what they need to be settled and happy.

Starlight345 · 17/11/2018 20:48

I hate American terms over here but in this case I wish we would adopt the term pacifiers or soothers.

I gave my ebf Ds one he gave it up at 3 months in favour of my boob.

There are so many things to feel guilty about as a parent however don’t let what you feel is right for your baby make you feel guilty.

onlyonmumnet · 17/11/2018 20:56

Can't get mine to take a dummy and now terrified about SIDS 😭

PrincipalVernon · 17/11/2018 20:59

All but 1 of mine had a dummy (middle one refused it point blank) - the oldest stopped at about 3 and youngest still has one who is less than a year old.
Apparently I used a dummy at night until I was 6 (not the norm I know) but my teeth are perfectly straight, I had no issues with speech and as far as I’m aware my children are the same.
Husband never had a dummy and had terribly wonky teeth as a child until he had a brace- which makes me think it’s mainly genetics
^ im only pointing that out because so many people mentioned to me the effect on teeth

sparklepops123 · 17/11/2018 21:01

Raised three, all had dummies, not a problem,just do yourself a favour that when they become active don’t leave them lying about because they will pop them in them selves .

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