MIL keeps buying clothes that are way too big for my DC! AIBU?

[PFB1]

There is loads of backstory here. I couldn't possibly give you it all so I'm just going to leave it out and address the current issue.

I may sound like a CF here but MIL always kindly buys our DD's clothes. The problem is the sizes she buys. It's beginning to drive me round the bend.

DD1 has just turned 5. She's short to average height & very slim build. MIL has given her a jumper with Ariel on (her current favourite) in age 7-8! She's only just going into age 5-6 and even then sometimes they drown her. She also bought her a lovely rain coat in that size. She knits and every time she visits she brings knitted cardigans that are absolutely huge. I have tried dropping into conversation about DD being small for her age and only just going into age 5-6 but of course MIL knows best so completely ignores this information and continues to buy these huge sizes. She even gets them to try stuff on, sees it's driving them and says "oh it's lovely on her!" When it's blatantly completely drowning her. She's also buying stuff way too big for my younger DD (but annoyingly not quite big enough to fit DD1). She takes all the tags off clothes. I did politely mention before that if she leaves them on it would be great so I can swap sizes if need be. Again it's fallen on deaf ears.

The main problems here are that a) my house is joe overflowing with clothes that won't fit the kids for years and b) sometimes DD really likes the clothes and is upset she can't wear them.

I'm not sure if I'm BU or if I should be more direct with MIL. She's just such a defensive person and I know I'd be seen as very ungrateful and disrespectful if I do say something more.

And the 5,000 knitted cardigans are just overkill. I feel awful saying that but I just can't possibly keep storing all this stuff 😩

That should say "sees it's drowning them"

You need to be more direct.

Maybe she likes a baggy look?

If she's not interested in getting something in the right size then just donate it all to your local charity shop

You can swap stuff without the tag.

Tell her to keep it all at her house until it fits her!

Mine was the same-she used to buy endless massive cheap and horrible coats for mine.

They ended up with several ski jacket sized coats EACH in sizes that were much too big and I just had nowhere to keep them. She bought my daughter a 12m snowsuit (she was born in June).

DH said ‘no more coats’ to her in the end!

Tell her to keep it all at her house until it fits her!

Yep to this

I would have your husband deal with her.

Same problem here. Clothes several years bigger then what was needed. Problem was my DH has inherited his parents hoarder mentality. They would be shoved in random cupboards which I would fine years on when children were too small.

After another episode of finding random clothes, I let rip in an email to my DH and MIL which was along the lines if any item of clothing comes in this house not right size it’s going to the charity shop.

My MIL messages me before buying any clothes now...

Start selling the stuff that’s too big, and tell her the truth when she asks where it is

I've had problems with the stuff she has bought us ever since when I was expecting our eldest. She bought us bedroom furniture (quite cheap stuff) for the baby's room and gave me no say in it. She picked our high chair, bought a swing & slide for the garden. I never have a say in any of this and it almost feels like she wants to have the moments of, for example, getting to choose the baby furniture etc. rather than allowing DH & I to have that moment.

It seems to be ingrained in some people to buy big.

I coach gymnastics and the amount of parents that buy leotards two sizes up “to get the wear out of them”. They look awful, are dangerous (baggy catches on equipment) and often reveal an eyeful if leg elastic is loose.

I think also these days clothes are made for the bigger end of the scale. Probably because now kids are generally fatter, especially round the middle, so if you have a normal sized child it can be difficult to find slim enough but long enough fit.

My mil, however, knows fine well what sizes my kids are. The problem comes when that size is out of stock in an outfit she wants to buy. She just buys whatever size is in stock. One Christmas my tall 6 year old got an age 3-4 cheerleading outfit and my small 8 year old got age 13-14.

Start selling the stuff that’s too big, and tell her the truth when she asks where it is

I may do this!

A lot of people buy bigger and would rather roll the sleeves up. We do it sometimes. But my 18m old is in 3-4 already and some 4-5!!! (Top percentiles - he's a giant!) So it makes financial sense to us as we get more out of all his clothes.

Can you not just put them away until they will fit her? Not sure of the issuse really tbh though. Don't you buy ahead in sales at all?

Putting them away until they fit is a massive space issue though! Also, with the Ariel jumper for example. What's to say DD will even like Ariel when it fits? It's a shame since she loves the jumper and would love to wear it now but it's absolutely enormous!

Firstly, why are you letting her buy ALL of your children’s clothes? Is it a money issue? If it’s not then just buy them clothes that fit and don’t put them in the stuff that MIL buys.

Secondly, you should just give them back to her and either say sorry you can’t use them as they’re too big or ask her to keep hold of them until they fit. You need to take back some control here OP otherwise this dynamic will continue forever!!

Firstly, why are you letting her buy ALL of your children’s clothes?

What gave you the impression she buys all their clothes? We buy them everything they need. MIL just brings loads of stuff whenever she visits us.

Wash and dry them - soon shrink to fit

I agree with Newname12!! My MIL is the same up to press (my DC is only 4 months tho so might change). He was born in Aug and she bought him loads of 3-6 month summer stuff. Then turned up last week with not one but two 3-6 month snow suits!! Didn’t ask whether we had one, we do and it’s 3-6 months and is flaming huge, but he has just grown out of a 1-2 month snuggle suit. I explained all this and she was arguing the toss with me about how she wouldn’t change them it was literally a stand off!!! So now I’m stuck with 3 bloody snowsuits which probably won’t fit him until February!! Madness!!

Aperol it's such a waste isn't it? I've been in that situation before.

The annoying thing is, she used to but small when DD1 was really young. DD was born in the October and then on Xmas day she gave us loads of baby clothes in size up to 1 month.

It honestly baffles me! If you don't know what size to buy, ask! It's not difficult.

My MIL used to do this. To be honest I think she just eventually got the hint as she never saw dd wearing things she bought her so she's calmed down with the buying. Thin cotton dress that will fit at Xmas - super - give dg that. Although my MIL has a thing about my dd being big. She's on age size wise, and roughly always has been, but my MIL tells everyone how big she is. All her side of the family always give clothes that are too big. Better than too small as she does eventually wear most of it. Although quite often I put it away then forget about it and by the time I happen upon it it's too late/small!

@footballmum I read the op in the same way as you, that she was buying all of the clothes. I think it was the way it sounded like a huge thing or something.

Just be direct. "Oh, that's lovely, but it's 2 sizes too big. If you had left the tags on we could have changed it for the right size, but as you haven't, shall I sell it or will you take it to the charity shop? Or would you like to keep it at your house and bring it back in 2 years?"