MIL keeps buying clothes that are way too big for my DC! AIBU?

[PFB1]

There is loads of backstory here. I couldn't possibly give you it all so I'm just going to leave it out and address the current issue.

I may sound like a CF here but MIL always kindly buys our DD's clothes. The problem is the sizes she buys. It's beginning to drive me round the bend.

DD1 has just turned 5. She's short to average height & very slim build. MIL has given her a jumper with Ariel on (her current favourite) in age 7-8! She's only just going into age 5-6 and even then sometimes they drown her. She also bought her a lovely rain coat in that size. She knits and every time she visits she brings knitted cardigans that are absolutely huge. I have tried dropping into conversation about DD being small for her age and only just going into age 5-6 but of course MIL knows best so completely ignores this information and continues to buy these huge sizes. She even gets them to try stuff on, sees it's driving them and says "oh it's lovely on her!" When it's blatantly completely drowning her. She's also buying stuff way too big for my younger DD (but annoyingly not quite big enough to fit DD1). She takes all the tags off clothes. I did politely mention before that if she leaves them on it would be great so I can swap sizes if need be. Again it's fallen on deaf ears.

The main problems here are that a) my house is joe overflowing with clothes that won't fit the kids for years and b) sometimes DD really likes the clothes and is upset she can't wear them.

I'm not sure if I'm BU or if I should be more direct with MIL. She's just such a defensive person and I know I'd be seen as very ungrateful and disrespectful if I do say something more.

And the 5,000 knitted cardigans are just overkill. I feel awful saying that but I just can't possibly keep storing all this stuff 😩

Quite honestly at this time of year I'd be thinking about who I could re-gift to at Christmas!

I'd let your dd keep the Ariel jumper if she likes it- can't you just roll up the sleeves and let her wear leggings underneath like a jumper dress?

I'd bag up the rest and hand back to MIL saying you don't have the space so she can either return / swap for the correct size or give to someone else / charity. Be assertive!

My mil used to buy tonnes of clothes, not the wrong size just bloody ugly stuff. She'd buy the stuff from the shops I shop in but she would somehow just pick the most hideous, impractical and expensive items. This went on for about 2 years. I never had the receipts so I didn't feel comfortable taking a pile (and it always was a pile) of clothes back with no proof of purchase. As we had an already difficult relationship I just kept quiet. We had piles of new clothes in our spare room, it was a waste really. It only stopped once my daughter could speak and would (embarrassingly) say "I don't like that", mil now provides the receipts!

Give them to me to wash, they'll soon shrink it's a talent of mine!
MIL has started buying clothes up to 12 months for our unborn baby, not an issue but some of it is really specific.eg shorts or beachwear (we live by the coast so no issue with that) problem is baby will be 6-9 months next summer, so she's bought loads of 6-9 months but DH and I are both very tall so there's every chance they will be too small before we have the weather for them we've tried gently telling her but to no avail. She has left tags on though...

My mum struggled with sizing. My siblings and I were all giants, and wore clothes at least 2 years above our actual age. In contrast my dc ranged from small to average, and tended to wear clothes for their actual age (and that was with me buying with plenty of room for growth). My mum just couldn't get her head round this, even though she knew that it, and still tended to buy big. Is it possible that this is the case for your MIL?

We just stored the clothes. The dc did grow into them... eventually.

I’d chance my arm and bring it back to the shop- if you’re only looking for an exchange to a smaller size most of the larger retailers would take that at face value and allow a swap even without tags.

My MIL used to do this - it was in the days of Woolies and I got to know the manager quite well because I'd have to swap bags of stuff after every visit. The next stage was me only taking stuff home the kids liked and/or could fit into, the last stage was her giving up buying anything.

DH said to leave her to it, she enjoyed the shopping part of it, it was all in the sale anyway (hence never being the right size/season), and it would stop when the kids got too old to be dressed.

We have similar issues - 2 sizes too big and also ignoring polite requests for 100% cotton only ( both of mine have severe eczema that gets a lot worse with polyester - relatives know that, know how I struggle to find wearable school uniform - and promptly buy polyester clothes for birthdays). It all goes to a colleague with twins.

I could’ve written your post. My mil does the same but she buys everything and anything from charity shops. Most stuff ends up fitting in the wrong season so winter coats that fit in summer etc.

My husband likes to buy our son clothes and spend a lot of money on them when he is away with work. Think he feels guilty being away. My son is tall but incredibly skinny and a nightmare to buy for, there are no jogger bottoms that he can keep up and jeans have to be pulled in to the smallest elastic and a baggy jumper to hide all the material. Also I only ever buy supermarket stuff so I dont feel guilty chucking them when they inevitably get tomato soup stains.
I have no answers except sometimes it's better just not to put them in the stuff. My husband bought 12 pairs of shorts for summer and all that money was waisted but I cant have him going about with his shorts around his knees! He seems to have kind of got the idea now but impossible situation as you are grateful but cant get around how it's all a waste of money.

Is she crafty at all?

Can you exclaim wow she loves it! I wonder if there’s anything that can be done to make it fit? Elastic across the back? She could wear it as a dress.... etc etc.

I know MIL finds buying for the GC a bit of a minefield now there’s so many of them. Trying to remember who is long, who is skinny, who’s big for their age etc. It is hard to buy for other people’s kids.

Not my MIL but DMand always too small. She cannot or will accept that DD will not fit into her age group clothes. They just fit brand new and after one wash they look terrible. DD seems to have a very long body and I would prefer not to have her tummy showing. So I try to sell them before DM whisks them away to my cousin's DD.
Sometimes I think they are the real recipients of the clothes.
I'd prefer big clothes given.

OMG I could write this. My eldest DD is so slim that she has ALWAYS been in much smaller sizes than her age, my MIL knew this but would INSIST on buying her the “correct age” even though this would mean storing it for sometimes up to 18m-2years. We assured her that we really didn’t need her to buy clothes, she ignored us. In the end I try and take it back to the shop and swap it but if I can’t I donate it now. We don’t have lots of storage and I simply can not justify an entire drawer just full of clothes that I’m storing because she ignores us.

This made me think of my mil. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old and she has recently given me a (very nice) pile of age 3-4 clothes! I'm happy enough to put them away for the 2 year old to grow into, but am a bit perplexed about why she bought these sizes. They weren't on sale or else I could understand!

How bizarre! I can’t undesstsnd the mentality behind it. Maybe a little big to give room for growth but why can’t she just buy the right size?!

Have you asked her outright or is it too awkward? Could you just say something like ‘we really appreciate all the things you buy DD but they’re a little big, maybe we should try a smaller size?’. Surely the direct approach is the only thing that will work ...

Refuse to take it. We have 4 grandparents constantly buying stuff for our DD and we were having to do charity shop runs every month because she had too much stuff that wasn't good for her now and we don't have space to store big toys or masses of clothes (and she's only just turned 2 ffs!) so we've now just started refusing to let them leave it here. None of them are happy about it but it's the only thing stopping this nonsense. You'll have to do the same. It's very liberating :grin:

My MIL always buys stuff that's too small. Size 2 to 3 when DS was 3.5 and he's ALWAYS been 99th centile, so he was in 4 to 5 clothes at the time. She knitted DD a dress in August, asked if I thought it would fit or would it be too small, I said it looked a bit borderline but should just about fit her still and she said "great, I'll give it to her for Christmas". V odd. But at least I don't have to hang onto the stuff for years! It's just such a waste as it's always nice stuff.

My SIL always buys to small for DD (she is small, but still within her age range for clothes).

Now, I just refuse to accept clothes that are the wrong size. I passively aggressively smile sweetly and say that I'd prefer the next size up so that it will fit for longer and ask her to kindly exchange. She never does exchange. But at least the items aren't cluttering up my home!!!

Urgh my mil does this too, we don't see her that often but when we do she buys my ds some clothes and always buys his age or older but she knows he's small for his age (always has been) and they never fit, we have the same that he loves it but he can't wear it!

Mines occasionally but if it was more permanent she should ask what size she's in as it's almost a waste of money especially if they end up with jumpers that fit in summer and shorts in the winter!!!

I have friends who always buy at least 2 sizes too big 'to get lots of wear' out of it. I hate that, I'd prefer to just buy clothes my DS can wear and look ok in. I'm fortunate he's a slow grower which probably helps.

IMO it's an ingrained frugality thing - buy it big so they'll get plenty of wear out of it. All you can say is, please can you buy her the size I tell you, or she's drowning in it. And hope she listens! Or else keep it until it fits?

My dm was like this. We were once coming back to the depths of UK winter from the Middle East, where temps were 25 deg ish. Since dds had no winter coats I asked my mother to buy some in their sizes - ages 3 and 6, and I did specifically add that labels saying 3 and 6 yrs would fit them fine.

Arrived at Heathrow in January, bloody freezing - she had bought nice coats - in ages 6 and 9!!' 'Oh, I thought the smaller once would be skimpy.' !!!! They were massive!

Luckily we were able to stop and change them on the way to DPs house.

My PIL do the same but I guess they're just thinking ahead and it does help me plan for what to buy for the next size up when I have bits and pieces already. I only have one DC and I pass anything he has grown out of straight on so we are ok for space.

My MIL buys ugly synthetic things for our DC, even though DD has very sensitive skin and can’t wear nylon etc. Buys a lot of bright red or black things, and generally just very odd looking things, and in bulk.

I have bags of very expensive things that go to charity and we keep a few things for DC to wear when we visit in laws. But, she often forgets what she’s bought as she buys so many things.

I probably sound ungrateful, but honestly the clothes are awful and I rather she kept her money. DH doesn’t want to upset her by telling her.

Talk to her and be direct and firm.
use the sandwich technique where you sandwich somethign hard to say with something nice

MIL - it is lovely that you like to buy things for the dc and bring them clothes.
But you always buy the wrong sizes. I cannot exchange them for the right sizes, as you take the tags off, and they cannot wear them because they are WAY to big.
Our house is not big enough to store clothes for 2 years, and anyway dd may not even like Ariel in 2 years time.
Please buy them in the right size, or leave the tags on, so I can swap them.
It would be lovely for them to wear the clothes you bring and be able to say - look that is the lovely Ariel top Granny bought you! I can't do that at the moment because it doesn't fit.

Then you MUST follow through.
Oh what a pretty top, Oh dear it is size 7-8, and you have taken the tags off so I can't swap it. I'll have to take it to the charity shop, what a shame.

By the way, many supermarkets will exchange clothes for another size even without tags if it is obviously unworn.

I always buy a couple of sizes up for my friends/families children, as I appreciate they grow fast.

Today I bought my great nephew clothes for a twelve month upwards baby. He is 9 months old at Xmas, but he is a little chunky, so I think I’ve done the right thing.

She bought us bedroom furniture (quite cheap stuff) for the baby's room and gave me no say in it. She picked our high chair, bought a swing & slide for the garden. I never have a say in any of this
So she likes to control you and undermine you as parents then?
Why didn't you just say no thanks and left the items at her house and bought your own?

She's deliberately being passive aggressive in continuing to buy them large clothes and making sure you can't return items to the shops.
I think she's also being very calculating and manipulative as she knows you will have so many clothes for them that they will eventually fit into, so as they get older they will be almost constantly wearing mil's chosen outfits.
Just another way for her to exert control over you.

Stop being so passive and just get rid of what you don't want, there are plenty of charities/women's shelters that will take them off your hands.
She doesn't give two shits about walking all over you so stop putting her feelings first.