To ask you what you would do if you were about to be a single parent?

[ohwelaughed]

I’ve phrased that so badly.

If you were planning a baby imminently alone what would you say are the most important things to sort out?

Honestly? I just wouldn't do it unless you have some great, close family members able to practically help out.

@mumto2babyboys or you know... get a pram so you can take the kid to the park.

A garden is not a 'must' 😂😂😂😂😂

Most middle fucking class thing I've ever read on Mumsnet. Have an award.

Find out your work's maternity policy inside out.
Look into local childcare provision. No point budgeting for the average cost childminder and then discovering that te only place with less than a 2 year wait list is a premium expensive nursery.
Sit down and work out your budget and see what you can afford (And do your budget realistically - don't budget £0 for takeaways if you know in your heart you'll get one once a week/month).

Think about the practicalities - how will you work it if your child is ill?

Then once you are pregnancy batch cook until you are sick of it. At least that way when you are chucking something in the microwave for your dinner when you have 5 minutes it's decent food.

Thanks.

Those naysayers - I would rather experience motherhood under circumstances that aren’t ideal than not at all.

Children with an absent father suffer - children who have never had one, less so, or so the studies tell us.

Can't you check the quality/health of the sperm donor? For genetic conditions etc?
I'm sorry I'm not knowledgeable in donor.

@ohwelaughed
I would love to not have to travel every weekend so mine see their dad and then travel back to collect them

Loads of men don't pay child support and if they do they lie about salary and bonuses and go self employed so it can't be checked

So you will be better off than me and lots of other mums with horrible ex's!

mumto2babyboys no one will wil at that game. I've been in both of your situations, I can't say I felt "better off". It's enough to just recognise both situations are very tough and that in the face of challenges you both manage to be great mums.

ohwelaughed Do it! Try and build a small, dependable group of friends and nurture all existing relationships. I'm genuinely excited for you! Being a single parent is the hardest but most rewarding thing I have ever. Wouldn't change it for the world. Feel free to PM me for any advice or support.

Think this is my best tip for being a single parent

At exactly 6.22pm every night turn on CBeebies and watch the same episodes of in the night garden that you will watch forever onwards at this time of day

they only have about 10 episodes and it's just repeated repeated repeated.

Seriously, as a single mother since birth, do not brush off the need for male role models. Your child will see that her or his friends have dads and he or she doesn't. This doesn't mean that it's impossible, or that the outcomes are worse than having, say, a shit father, or being bereaved part way through childhood, or living in abject poverty with two parents, or, or, or. Just that it is a thing. You can't pretend it isn't. Your child won't necessarily come out the other end worse off, but it is something you have to be honest about and acknowledge, not pretend doesn't matter.

Money and a nanny. You can’t really risk your career if you are doing it alone.

Those naysayers - I would rather experience motherhood under circumstances that aren’t ideal than not at all.

It's not just your experience that matters though. Do you really have no one that could help regularly?

I don’t, no.

What if you have a difficult birth or get PND or get ill? Children take a lot of looking after.

If she gets ill she's off sick with a sick note unless it's a preview company she works for

Jeez give her a break. This is very brave and something I wish I had done but I wasted my entire full life on my ex and he does not even buy his children birthday presents or Xmas presents so she is actually better off having a sperm donor than the trauma and expense of family court

I agree that there are other ways to find meaning and have a fulfilling life. I don’t think it’s healthy to have a child because you find life quite meaningless. It puts a lot of pressure on the experience of parenting your child. And I don’t think it’s fair on the child. Also, you are potentially creating a human who has no right to a relationship with their biological father. I think that’s unfair. Though I think my opinion is not going to be a popular one. 😬

I know, but I need to experience being a mum
Life is quite meaningless to be honest
I would rather experience motherhood under circumstances that aren’t ideal than not at all
Are you thinking of the child at all OP? Or just yourself?
Having a baby might not fill that void you want to fill and it's a huge burden for a child to be expected to

The fact that you feel this way and have NO support fills me with dread tbh.

Private company

Also anyone who has dealt with Caffcass will know what I mean. Even if a dad has abused a child they will still recommend
Some sort of contact via court order. And at your expense you have to comply with it and pay to bring your child to the arranged contact

If she gets ill she's off sick with a sick note unless it's a preview company she works for

And if she's off on maternity leave or she's not at work. Who looks after the child? I'm not saying there needs to be a father but there does need to be someone else that can help and op says she doesn't have that.

Not sure what working for a private company has to do with anything

Not fair on the child? She might meet someone while pregnant or after and the stepdad will take over the father role. No one can predict the future but she will still be in a better position than me and other mums whose exh are total assholes because she won't have one but can still find the right guy for her

Of course I think of the child, which is one reason for starting the thread. However I do think it is more sensible and probably a lot nicer for the child to have things stable and committed from the start than trying to have a baby with an unsuitable partner.

Private companies have their own rules written into contracts about sick leave

Private companies must obey the law. They can't overwrite the law in their contracts.

I wasn't talking about work though. I was asking who would look after the child if op was sick. Eg I broke my ankle a year ago, I have a husband and involved grandparents and thank god as I had 2 operations (totalling 4 nights & 5 days in hospital) and couldn't walk for months. Who would look after the child?

If I could chose not to have my awful exh involved I would do

but even with him being arrested for assaulting me family court always gives the birth father access even if they are in prison and it's upsetting for the child

Honestly it's down to your career. Can you afford to risk being arrested if you don't obey a court order to take your child somewhere at a certain time. Most people can't

And the awful exh are still awful. Would be so much easier and cheaper not to have one or have to deal with family court

I think it’s impossible to plan for every possible eventuality pineapple

Certainly there are periods in my life I look back at and think ‘how on earth did I cope’ but I did and will continue to do so. It’s amazing what you can do when you absolutely have to.