... To ask when single parent stops being a single parent?

[OftenHangry]

It's nothing bad, I am just curious (as always) as I know young woman who said she is a single parent (group conversation few people chatted about their kids), but she also talks about her live in (for last 3 years) DP who she shares bills and childcare. He adores her kids which is great for them.

When does a single parent stops being a "single parent"? When you have a long term DP? Live in DP? When you marry again?

Sounds like something you don't need to worry about tbh!

Think you always are, you just have more or less support.

Very much depends on your views I suppose.

In my opinion (and it is just an opinion) if your DP is living with you then you’re not a single parent even if that DP is not the children’s father.

People may disagree though.

Sounds like something you don't need to worry about tbh! i hate these responses. The whole bloody AIBU is just people asking questions and musing about different things.

Thanks @OwlinaTree. I wondered about that possibility too and I know what you mean. Wouldn't it be hurtful though to DP when he/she takes care of the DCs and everything equally as a partner to still say that the person is a "single parent"? I think I would be bit hurt

When you have someone reliable doing a realistic share of the parenting I suppose. Or dcs leave home/have a full time job.

For me, probably another decade.

If a man moves in your are not a single parent.
A single parent can't run to the shops and leave a 3 year old asleep in bed at ten.
But someone with a partner can..

I live with a DP (not my DC's dad) but I still refer to myself as being a single parent as I still do all school runs, pay for all child care, clothes, toys, clubs, take DC to all appointments, and everything else that I was doing when I was on my own.

@andthelightshoneonandon I always looked at it like you, that's why I am asking. It might be interesting and maybe even bit educational to hear what people consider the treshold

How long is a piece of string?
I think the answer is that he isn't her child's parent.
If he doesn't want to, for example, pay towards the upkeep of her child then he doesn't have to.
I know that's a kind of wishy washy explanation but legally he can walk away and not be responsible for any aspect of their life.
Also if anything happened to the child then this man would not automatically get legal guardianship of her child.

I'm a stepmum and we've never used the single parent phrase. We just say we are all family

I dont know if i still identify with being a single parent tbh. Kids only teens. I just cannot fathom any other situation. Im a parent. Im single. But there's something about single parent that i dont completely identify with
It combines two issues which only seem bound up in each other when kids smaller.

If a man moves in your are not a single parent.

This is true. Since I'm married to a woman I'm a single parent, so I should know.

I'm a single parent.

Just me and my 2 boys. If a partner moved in (if I had one) I would no longer class myself as a single parent

If living together 3 years, if he is involved I wouldn't say it was a single parent household.
OTOH My friend is a single parent with shared custody. 3 days one week, 4 the next. She is still a single parent but is one with the other parent very active. So not necessarily a single parent. Sometimes I am jealous

@OftenHangry

I am so careful with this subject as I have a husband and I would hate to offend anyone.

I am a lone parent (other parent dead so no emotional, practical or financial support and no break). I think that if I was lucky enough for this to change and I was serious enough for another person to share our lives I would not consider that I am the only one parenting. I may be the only actual parent but I am pretty hopeful that any other person who would take me on would also accept that we come as a unit.

I'd say when you have a DP providing a similar level of support as the other parent would if at home.

For example having a DP living at home, in a situation as you explain is not a single parent.

For context I am a single parent and would categorise that as parenting completely alone, I cannot pop out to the shops without the children and am solely responsible for all the costs related to the children and our home.

So at what point does the single stop?
The day you marry the person who also lives in the house and they become the step parent...
Single means you don't have a partner...
Single Parent... Co parent... Or parent with partner...

If you are the only adult (ignoring any adult children) living with your children, then you’re a single parent.
If you have a partner living with you, you are not a single parent.

lookatyourwatchnow so what's the point of having a (I assume, given the point of this thread) live-in partner?

"So at what point does the single stop?"

When they co-parent with you.

It's rare to be a fully blended family, when the children are older and especially after you split.

Women struggle to get the Fathers of their children, whilst living together, to fully share finances and the workload. Very few get the Mental Load shared.

If the Partner doesn't have PR, then most of the educational and health stuff falls on the Parents that do.

Which is why you can't start to pick apart the lives of others.

My DD is a LP, but she has me and my eldest DD on hand. My DD goes out at least twice a week and doesn't have to do every school run/class etc. Her Partner gives her money occasionally, but does nothing else.

Whilst she was with him, she was on her own.

I was married with a DH who worked away, I did all the practical care by myself, as I had no family help.

"If you have a partner living with you, you are not a single parent."

They have no obligation to the child, though.

And going by threads on here, a lot of Women let their BFs move in without them making any commitment to being a family.

@TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup well, I didn't enter into my next relationship with the sole purpose of finding a new dad for my DC.

I am a lone parent (so ex completely absent) I think i would always refer to myself as a Lp even if i did move a man in (no plans to!) because I wouldnt want him parenting my children. As in im not looking for a replacement father/step dad.

@lookatyourwatchnow I didn't think you had but I was thinking that should I be in that position I would like to find a partner willing to take on some of the role rather than my kids being a separate thing to my relationship. I might be reading your initial post incorrectly though.