... To ask when single parent stops being a single parent?

[OftenHangry]

It's nothing bad, I am just curious (as always) as I know young woman who said she is a single parent (group conversation few people chatted about their kids), but she also talks about her live in (for last 3 years) DP who she shares bills and childcare. He adores her kids which is great for them.

When does a single parent stops being a "single parent"? When you have a long term DP? Live in DP? When you marry again?

I live on my own with 3 DC but have a supportive boyfriend who lives nearby and DCs spend nearly half the week with their dad.

I wouldn't describe myself as a single parent but sometimes have to say 'I'm the only adult in my house' to explain my situation.

Tend to think of a "single" parent as someone with sole responsibility for all parental decisions. So my parents divorced when I was young but my DF provided financial, practical and emotional support despite no longer living with DM. He was also my go to for parental advice. Don't consider my DM ever to have been a single parent (although from DWP pov she would have been).

Otoh if a partner moves in but you retain sole responsibility for parenting then I would say you are still a single parent. I would extend this to when DC are adults if their other parent has no involvement.

I agree levels of practical / financial support are not necessarily relevant and plenty non-single parents lack these (disabilities / working away spouse) while lots of single parents have them.

I was a single parent until dd was 18. If my partner had moved in I wouldn't have been a single parent.

Sounds like her partner isn’t too helpful with her kids, so she still classes herself as single as she’s still doing the work

I guess she considers herself a single parent because she has ultimate responsibilities for the kids. Unless her partner actually adopts them they remain her responsibility and probably loves them to a greater degree than he does.

I have a friend who is a single parent. She lives with her parents (actually her parents moved in with her as she has a large house). They're both early 60's and very fit and healthy. They love her daughter and do all of the childcare while she's at work enabling her to maintain her career. She actually has more support than most people who are married as she has two loving carers for her child who are available 100% of the time and also do housework. She's still a single parent.

I think it depends on what impression the term single parent has to you personally.

'single' means only one, not one of several, or more appropriately for this, unmarried or not involved in a stable sexual relationship.

'Parent' means a person's father or mother.

So if you don't have a relationship, and are a father or mother - you're a single parent.

But there tends to be more to it than that. DD is 15 and her father has been minimally involved - technically he's as much as a single parent as me - but I do 99% of the parenting duties.
I know 2 mum's that aren't in relationships with anyone, and who have children, but still live at home with parents. Although they are single parents they don't have the same constraints and responsibility I do because they have other adults involved in their childs care in the same house. But they're still single parents aren't they?

Personally if there's someone else in the household that takes responsibility for the child as well as yourself, I don't think you're a single parent in the same way that someone who is the only person with responsibility for the child.

I had a live in partner when my boys were young. He just about paid his way but all his extra money went on clothes, football and every night down the pub.
He contributed financially but I was in effect still a single mum, becaise I did the parenting.

I live alone with DC. Ex has contact with DC I do all the parenting admin and always have. I can't leave the house in the evening. Every aspect of my life has to revolve around getting DC to where they need to be and being home when I need to be. That's the challenge of being a single parent for me.

I think having a live-in partner makes a difference. It probably means you have a bit more money in the household. You have someone to support you emotionally. You can leave the house at night! It's not quite the same imho.

Also, surely in terms of any benefits etc you aren't seen as a single parent once someone lives with you.

Just to add a person can be a single parent even with older dc.
When you are in a couple ie mum and dad together, both support their child.
For me a single parent doesn't have the back up of the other parent.

For example a 15 year old being defiant to their one parent and refusing to do something . If both parents take responsibility then the other parent will step in and back that parent up.
Lots of single parents don't have the other parents support. I've heard teenagers say many times "you can't tell me what to do, you aren't my dad/mum."

Legally you stop be a single adult household when partner moves in - eg for benefits. Personally I would think someone who lives with their partner isn't a single parent as they have got an adult at home to help you (even if they take a backseat with the dc's). Plenty of people have issues with their dh/dp not pulling their weight so whilst you can "feel like a single parent" you aren't. Not that it matters, unless you are an inspector for the dwp and they are claiming they live alone.

I’m a single parent as I’m on my own, if I had a partner I wouldn’t refer to myself as a single parent. But I’m aware my view is very black and white and know a couple of people who have partners and still refer to themselves as single mums as they’re the only parent the kids have. Can’t say I care either way tbf.