To choose a baby group over career development? Ie Future careers prospects vs immediate flexibility

[MsRosewater]

This is more WWYD than AIBU plus posting here for traffic

I have a nearly 1yo DD. DH is (for now at least ) a SAHF and I have to work full time to make the finances work. I have a fairly senior healthcare manager post in a NHS trust I’ve been with for a while. I commute 90 minutes door to door. I know the organisation and am trusted to get on with things but I’m at a level where I’m unlikely to have any further internal promotion.I’ve agreed a flexible 4 day working week with one of those days at home ( so 3 days in the office, 1 day work from home & 1 day off)

I’ve been offered another role close to home. Salary will be the same with reduction in commuter costs offset by loss of London weighing. It will be very good (actually essential) experience for further progression working for a different organisation and different geography; team and manager seem very lovely, it’s just up the road just 20min door to door. This will be great when DD starts school and DH goes back to paid employment

The problem is potential new job can’t agree flexible working (ie one extra day off a week) as routine ; they need me 5 days a week with as and when flexibility

I love having a day off to do thing (baby groups etc) to the point that I’m thinking of turning down the offer. Is this daft?

⁃	I’m unlikely to get a future promotion without experience of working outside my current organisation and 
⁃	the role on the table is ideal  in every way bar the hours...
⁃	I may kick myself for passing on a local job DD starts school 

Just to add, the new job people have been very nice and reasonable in their discussions re hours; if I were them I’d want a full time person too

I get that I’m really really lucky (this all sounds a bit humble-brag!!) but I am genuinely struggling to decide

I'd go for the new job. Will you be wanting another child at some point in the near to mid-future? If so, how will that affect things?

Take the job. 3 hours of commuting a day is just rubbish.

Local job. Apart from the fact that the job sounds ideal for your career, you can always apply for flexible working once you've been there a while and proved yourself.

I have a 90 minute commute, it's a killer. If there were any local jobs in my industry I would bite their hands off.

You might be able to reduce the hours once you are in there a while.

You don’t say what your DH plans to do. Since you have a partner at home you don’t actually have to do any picking up and dropping off do you? I would personally be reluctant to give up an employer who had a flexible attitude to one who doesn’t . What is the workload going to be like? Is it going to be 5 days full on ? All of these things are things to consider. 90 mins is not a great commute but it’s also not an awful one ( I do similar) and you only need to do it 3 days a week. The main reason to accept is the career progression obviously but I would be a bit gutted to find myself stuck in the office 5 days a week when my child was still so small

Local job without a doubt.

No brainer for me, local job would win hands down, children are at school for so much longer than baby groups. So much nicer to have time before and after school rather than commenting.

Slightly confused because you say you need to work full time but then it seems you’re currently having a day off when you go to baby groups etc?

Can’t your partner do baby groups as he’s a SAHD?

Anyway aside from this I say JOB! Without a doubt. Baby groups would only be another year or so until the child starts nursery/ playgroup and you’re not staying with them. A good job with prospects for development is worth a hell of a lot and will be a much bigger part of your life as your child grows up

A drop in commute usually comes with longer hours or inflexible working. That’s why I’ll never give up on my London commute.

Can you clarify the money-would you be getting paid the same amount for 5 days as you currently are for 4?

Thanks for responding everyone- sorry I've been AWOL; went out without my phone

Just to respond to some of the questions:
-I'm using up old annual leave to work part time at the moment; the agreement from my current job for the future is to do 4 long days to make up full time hours
-DH will need to start looking for work in the new financial year I think, he'll probably find something part time so DD has less time in child care.

• He does do the baby groups but I really really like doing them too

-I'm in the NHS so salary and leave not v negotiable ( it will be a sideways move in terms of banding) but I’m not going to get a promotion where I am so...

.....it seems like I should take the job!!?? Terrifying!!! Was sort of hoping everyone would say I should stick with the safe, flexible option ( for the reasons posed by Cherries and Spirited )

It’s really really helpful to hear others thoughts especially as DD is PFB and Ive no experience of the next/school phase- I think I’m going to have to take the plunge

Tbh I think you're weird* for loving baby groups, but each to their own

*only teasing, I don't really think you're weird! Just that it's not my thing. But even if it was I think it would be a silly reason to sacrifice a good career opportunity (sorry).

Do you eventually want to work for another organisation? Seems you're implying that but I can't see you actually specifying this. If you do, then it's got to be the new job hasn't it?

Local job especially if it's not going to be long term part time in your existing one. It's also highly likely that once you've proved yourself in your new role you can get more flexibility, even if it's not official. Mine is 'as and when' but once I'd sorted my team and built up trust I work from home a day a week and sometimes more - that said, different bosses can be stricter so you can't rely on it!
Worst case, the extra experience from your new job will be a great stepping stone into something more flexible in future. And once your DD starts school, the shorter commute is hugely valuable for events and sickness.

The NHS gives very generous annual leave entitlement, especially when you have been there a while. Just use that once every 3 or 4 weeks to work a half day, or take a day off to go to your baby group of choice!

Don't turn down an opportunity for baby groups as such. Baby group dynamics will change a lot in the next few months. Babies become toddlers and their interests change, mums start returning to work from mat leave, some mums will have another baby so leave the group and so on.

It wouldn’t be so clear cut for me if your husband is a sahd and possibly looking to return part time. I’ve got a slightly longer commute and I don’t really mind the commute itself. The bit that is stressful is when trains are late and I might not get back in time for nursery. It doesn’t sound like you would ever have that issue.If it was like for like jobs where the decision was local versus long commute, I’d of course pick the commute but I love having some non-working days so much and I’d be quite sad to miss out on them.

That said, You’re in a position where it sounds like you’re the main earner and most in your position probably would be full time, especially with the support you have at home. It really is down to how much you want to progress at work and need the money versus how much you value the day at home.

Take the job and ask for flexibility when you have settled in.

Take the job!

I decided not to return to my old job as the commute was going to be 1h and 20 mins. I was fortunate enough that I was offered a different role on the same salary working part time (pro-data)

I completely get the whole baby group thing. I like doing things with my son.

But your 90 min to 20 minute commute saves over 6 hours. Which is almost a working day. Baby groups do run on the weekends. And there are some baby events that run in the late afternoon.
If there was anything that you wanted to do you could use your annual leave.

And with baby groups - I signed up for terms of swimming and baby sensory etc but inevitably we’ve had to miss some due to DS being unwell or other events coming up!

Job! For goodness sake, the baby thing only lasts briefly and you’ve the rest of your life to work. You’re also the main breadwinner so don’t play around with your career so lightly.

If you have enough money as you are and don’t care about progressing then that might be a bit different.

What AfC band are you? What band would be the promotion? What's your plan to get the promotion otherwise?

Good point re annual leave, especially if there's any chance of buying more and/or TOIL. But even without, if you get say 30 days OP, a week off at Christmas and another for a holiday, that leaves you enough for not far short of a 9 day fortnight most of the time. Presumably DH will ne picking up the slack for illness etc at least for now. That's a lot of baby groups you could get to.

Thanks again everyone

I’m 8D , new job is the same (so will be pretty full on & they’ll be expecting me to perform which is not unreasonable but scary as my brain has been replaced with porridge...)

Pre-DD i wouldn’t have hesitated but I feel so crap prioritising my career over spending time with her when she is so little and lovely and changing so fast.

I like where i work at the moment; it’s so very familiar and comfortable as I’ve been there for 15yrs+ and my colleagues and the people I manage are lovely and skilled. But it’s probably time for a new challenge

My dc are 10 abd 7. I took long maternity leaves and dropped to 22.2 hrs (3 days a week) before they started school. Baby groups were fun, and useful structure at the time, but they are transient.

I’d kill for a local job now.

"I feel so crap prioritising my career over spending time with her when she is so little and lovely and changing so fast."

Any chance your DH could get a part time job sooner rather than later so you could both be part time and have time with her as well as working?