to think my DP has no idea?!

[Choxeur]

On maternity leave, DS is 3.5 weeks old (bloody gorgeous little thing!).

I'm loving my leave. I'm finding it very tiring but have wanted a baby for so long and after many miscarriages, I wouldn't dream of complaining.

I get on with things during the day. Try to cook myself a meal at lunch, do a bit of housework when he's sleeping, catch a 30 min nap here and there. I'm always doing something.

DP gets home from work and sits on the sofa. I plonk DS on him for cuddles. DP now thinks he's immobile. Asks me to get the nappies for him from upstairs, to get him a glass of water, to turn the oven off, answer the door etc. I got annoyed with him and replied with 'you know your son is portable?'

Ever since he has walked around the house acting as though it's a struggle to pick something off the floor or to turn a tap on whilst simultaneously holding his very tiny child.

AIBU to find this really quite pathetic and to wonder how he would cope with DS on his own for a whole day?

Why not let him try it then. Go out for a few hours and let him deal with his child.

@Fluffyears I honestly would if he wasn't ebf!

Leaving them together for 3 hours between feeds would be a good start though! Well done you for adjusting so well (I mean that very genuinely). It took my DH and me a while to get used to it all - so I can kind of understand your DH finding it hard - but can also totally understand your frustration. You paint an amusing picture

Oh and many congratulations!

When he gets in and sits on the sofa, that's your cue to go for a lie down! Leave them to it, it's the only way for him to get used to being an active parent.

Plonk your baby on DH. Get in the bath. Put the radio on. Job done

Just go out for however long the baby goes between feeds.

Just refuse his idiotic requests and tell him that if you can manage alone he can too! Then go do something else for awhile. What a dickhead. Can you imagine caring for an infant who uses oxygen? My DH and I managed to do so and we never acted like our legs were broken

Often they are scared they will do the wrong thing.
I agree with PP’s.
Leave baby with DH for a few hours between feeds. He will soon gain confidence.
Congratulations to you both

Did he/can he take paternity leave? I'd leave them to bonding one on one time and head for a bath/nap when he comes home from work. Congratulations btw!

Yup. When he comes home. Grab that nap you are needing. Or that extra long soak in the bath and let him get on with it.

Please don't let him get away with this fuckery. Give him the baby and say you need a bath, nap, whatever. He's an adult and can manage.

I went and got my hair done when my first born was a few days old. Perfect time for some pampering and made sure DH knew what to expect. Although in our case, he was better than me at multitasking! (Holding a newborn while putting up shelves was a particularly impressive feat) Go out, your baby will be fine.

When I first held my little DN I thought I was immobile too! Then I realised I could make a drink etc but was still shitting myself. Especially going up stairs.

He might be afraid rather than lazy. Some people are very worried they will drop their baby. Either way, the cure is more practice. Leave him to it and he will get used to carrying the baby around.

Get him a sling

Got to agree with the rest - give him the baby then disappear for a couple of hours! He'll soon learn that he can move around with the baby. It's really not difficult! And if he's REALLY scared of dropping him, get one of those carrycot things!
But really, he should learn how to move with the baby.

AIBU to find this really quite pathetic and to wonder how he would cope with DS on his own for a whole day?

You're not being U to find it pathetic

You are being U to wonder, without doing anything to find out

You're enabling his inadequacy

Oh my! At 3.5 wks post birth I feel like he should be bringing you stuff (possibly even when he has the baby!).

I second getting a sling. My boyfriend was so proud carrying our son round in the sling. It appeals to their practical nature I think.

Then he can do all the housework with baby in the sling (bar cooking) and you can get some well deserved rest

He is taking the piss.

How does he imagine stuff is getting done around the house while he is away?

For a start, your dh can make you a sandwich and leave it in the fridge before he goes to work - doubly easy if he's making lunch to take with himself any way. Never mind getting the baby into routine, get dh used to doing his share of the grunt work in the evening.. If you are dealing with cluster feeding etc, he needs to be getting the dishes done, shoving the hoover round. Congratulations on your lovely new baby

Don't enable him, don't get him anything when he's on the sofa. He sounds useless.

Congratulations on your baby. You sound like you're coping really well. Your P sounds bone idle. Don't let him get away with his practised uselessness. It won't improve.

Could he give baby his bath a few evenings. Could becme baby and dad time. Once you've done the bath you are able for anything.( l was a bit scared of it myself)
Its all about practice and building confidence.

Congratulations on your baby. My dh caught hand foot and mouth 2 days after our youngest was born and spent his paternity leave in bed so kind of missed the newborn learning curve . Granted he was really unwell with it but he managed to stretch out the incompetent act for a good 8 months until I got wise to it. Nip the incompetent act in the bud otherwise you’re going to start resenting him.

The stairs thing-as an au pair a million years ago, I was carrying the baby down the curved wooden staircase to the tiled hall when I missed a step. I kept hold of her, I will never know how, gives me nightmares even now. I bumped all the way down on my arse. The sheer horror that I was going to drop her makes me shudder. Walking on the flat, tho, is piss easy and maybe your DH needs to see you doing it with ease to realize!