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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to DS having pre drinks at my house

50 replies

spotifyhero · 16/11/2018 17:26

DS asked me a while ago whether he could have friends round for pre drinks tonight before going to a party, I said yes

I am now not feeling well and his Dad is not going to be around tonight, so I have told him I don't want his friends round any more.

He says this is totally unreasonable as they have all planned to come here now and so he can't tell them no. AIBU to ask him to cancel, since i am not feeling well? He is 16 if that makes a difference!

OP posts:
raffle · 16/11/2018 17:28

I wouldn’t have a group of under aged children drinking alcohol in my house even if I felt in tip top shape

RedHelenB · 16/11/2018 17:28

I think YABU, just go upstairs to bed

19lottie82 · 16/11/2018 17:29

16 and “pre drinks”? That doesn’t sound great to be honest.

I’m all for letting teens have a few beers / ciders at a party, but drinking before the party? It sounds like they plan on getting plastered!

Original poster
spotifyhero · 16/11/2018 17:30

It's a sixth form social thing so they are turning 17, I think the idea is they drink before going, it's not like they are going out clubbing

OP posts:
silvius · 16/11/2018 17:31

You've told him on the night that he has to cancel? YABU

Bluntness100 · 16/11/2018 17:31

I think that's hugely unreasonable. Just go to bed or whatever, you don't need to interact with them. You made a commitment, it's not like they want you to socialise with them, so let them do it.

mysteryfairy · 16/11/2018 17:31

My DD in lower sixth would be mortified if I did this to her. I think it would be awful and very embarrassing for him.

RedSkyLastNight · 16/11/2018 17:31

I think it's a bit unreasonable since it was already planned and presumably they will struggle to find anywhere else.

If it's pre party drinks, surely they won't be there for too long? Maybe just ask them to come a bit later to minimise the time they are in your house?

werideatdawn · 16/11/2018 17:33

Just go to bed Confused
I wont comment on 16 year olds pre drinking but you agreed to it so it's unreasonable to back track when you can just go to bed anyway. It's not like you need to babysit.

WorraLiberty · 16/11/2018 17:33

What's wrong with sitting upstairs for an hour or two?

SoyDora · 16/11/2018 17:33

I think it’s unreasonable, they’ll all have planned their evening around it. I assume they won’t be there too long if they’ve got an event? Just hide away upstairs until they’ve gone.

pinkhorse · 16/11/2018 17:33

Pre drinks at 16!! When did that become a thing? Hmm

Whocansay · 16/11/2018 17:33

I agree with him. You ARE being totally unreasonable. You can't make him cancel so soon before people actually arrive! Why would you do that?

Just go to bed.

Loonoon · 16/11/2018 17:35

I think if you are ok in principle with 16 year olds predrinking at your house it seems unreasonable to cancel at such short notice. You don’t have to have anything to do with them. If they are in his room, you stay in the living room. If they are in the living room go to your room. Tell him they need to be gone by a reasonable hour and that you want the house left tidy and all the empties in the recycling.

WorraLiberty · 16/11/2018 17:35

Pinkhorse I'm 49 and as far as I know it's always been a thing

Unless everyone you know only ever drank alcohol on a night out with their mates after they'd turned 18?

Original poster
spotifyhero · 16/11/2018 17:35

Okay, i guess i am being a bit unfair.

I was just thinking why can't they go straight to the party, or go somewhere else. I'm just feeling ill and the idea of loud music/mess/alchol in my house doesn't sound ideal when I just want to snuggle on my sofa for the evening.

However i do see his point that it's quite late. He is a bit spoilt generally and we do often say yes to this stuff, so hence i didn't think it was totally unreasonable to cancel once when I'm feeling ill!

OP posts:
Fancyacuppaluv · 16/11/2018 17:36

Yabu.
I hope you feel better soon

Holidayshopping · 16/11/2018 17:36

I think that’s mean cancelling on the night. How long will they be there for-can’t you just go to bed ?

ConciseandNice · 16/11/2018 17:37

YABU!!!!

NoSquirrels · 16/11/2018 17:37

Snuggle in bed, make it crystal clear that any mess is his to clear up tomorrow, and give them a deadline to be out by.

bobstersmum · 16/11/2018 17:39

Yabu. My friends and I used to sneak off to go round the pubs in town when we were 14...

batshitbetty · 16/11/2018 17:40

Pre drinks at 16!! When did that become a thing?

Well I'm 42 and it was a thing when I was a teenager.....

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 16/11/2018 17:41

I hope you feel better OP but I do think you should let DS have pre drinks at yours-
I think it would be a pain for him to cancel at such short notice.

My house is conveniently located and often have pre drinks here-
They bring their own and are generally very appreciative.
I like knowing Dc friends and would rather they be under my roof than who knows where!
plus I tend to get lots of good gossip passing through

pinkhorse · 16/11/2018 17:43

I must have lived in a bubble then. None of my friends at school did it and dsd who is 16 doesn't do it. My ds won't be doing it either.

Copperbonnet · 16/11/2018 17:43

I'm just feeling ill and the idea of loud music/mess/alchol in my house doesn't sound ideal when I just want to snuggle on my sofa for the evening.

So make a condition that that don’t have music up loud and don’t make a mess.

If he’s old enough to drink he’s old enough to behave considerately and be respintgir his friends surely?

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