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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to say no to DS having pre drinks at my house

50 replies

spotifyhero · 16/11/2018 17:26

DS asked me a while ago whether he could have friends round for pre drinks tonight before going to a party, I said yes

I am now not feeling well and his Dad is not going to be around tonight, so I have told him I don't want his friends round any more.

He says this is totally unreasonable as they have all planned to come here now and so he can't tell them no. AIBU to ask him to cancel, since i am not feeling well? He is 16 if that makes a difference!

OP posts:

waterandlemonjuice · 16/11/2018 17:44

It’s mean to cancel this late

WorraLiberty · 16/11/2018 17:45

OP, he shouldn't be leaving mess for you to clear up after him and his friends anyway, whether you were well or not.

HavelockVetinari · 16/11/2018 17:47

You can't really cancel at this stage, but you can make it clear that he's got to clear up before leaving.

blueluce85 · 16/11/2018 17:53

Please tell us OP that you didn't make him cancel it!??

Rachelover40 · 16/11/2018 18:01

Go to bed while they are there. Don't spoil things for your son.

grumiosmum · 16/11/2018 18:02

My 16 yo DS does this with his friends before a school party - perfectly fine & normal.

But I think it's a bit late to cancel it.

Can't you just leave out the drinks (whatever your limit is - mine is 2 cans of weak beer per person) and leave them to it?

If they are going on somewhere else they won't be intruding on your space for long.

Ilove · 16/11/2018 18:02

Prinks is a thing now. Just sit away from them and give them a deadline. I’d rather them at my house than any other!

foodiefil · 16/11/2018 18:03

You are definitely being unreasonable. Sorry you're unwell but go to bed and ask for them to be out by 9? They've planned their night around coming to yours it throws everything up in the air and makes your son look like a flake

MarklahMarklah · 16/11/2018 18:04

Loving the shock horror at 16 year olds drinking. When I was 13 and 14 we used to get the oldest-looking of our group to go to the offie to buy cider/pink lady/cheap shit wine and drink in the house where the parents weren't home.

foodiefil · 16/11/2018 18:05

Prinks! Love it @Ilove

chipsandgin · 16/11/2018 18:09

Yes unreasonable/bit mean to cancel this late, but I think you've got that now! Hopefully you can relax once they've gone.

Also pre-drinks were totally a thing when I was sixteen & that was over 30 years ago...

Franinipancake · 16/11/2018 18:11

Unless you've got Norovirus or something horrendous I'd just disappear upstairs and leave them to it. Stick headphones on and watch something on Netflix or similar. They have something to go to they definitely don't want to miss later on, so it's just a couple of hours tops at yours first. My teen daughter would be mortified if I made her cancel something at this short notice and would never let me forget it. Your mates are everything at their age.

IHaveBrilloHair · 16/11/2018 18:14

Prinks!
I am hosting tonight which means me staying on the couch in my pj's.

Franinipancake · 16/11/2018 18:14

p.s. I didn't know folk did the pre-party drinks thing, but it's a good idea. A LOT better than skulking about in the cold outside drinking lord knows what like we used to do back in 19 Oatcake.

BackforGood · 16/11/2018 18:20

I mean, I wouldn't be comfortable with the idea of having my 16 yr old and a load of their mates loading with alcohol before they went out, but, if you are comfortable with that, then YABVU to cancel on the day, when you could just go to another room / go upstairs to bed.

Singlenotsingle · 16/11/2018 18:21

Coke, squash or a cuppa tea?

Topseyt · 16/11/2018 18:22

I too think it would be a bit mean to stop them right on the night. Just ask him to make sure they are considerate - i.e. music not too loud and all mess cleared up because you aren't feeling up to it.

Then, hibernate upstairs until they leave for the party.

Bluntness100 · 16/11/2018 18:34

Op, I get you're not well but you must remember back to being a kid. They will all be looking forward to it and making him cancel is shit for him, particularly because these kids actually don't wish to spend any time with you. In fact they'd be happy not to even see you.

Just shove some headphones on and tell him no loud music and he has to clear up tomorrow. There is no need for it to impact you at all.

UrsulaPandress · 16/11/2018 18:39

Don’t be mean. Hide upstairs then rush down to dance to your favourite tune.

chaplin1409 · 16/11/2018 18:41

I have 2 in 6th form and there is no way they would be having pre drinks.

IHaveBrilloHair · 16/11/2018 18:44

It doesn't bother me, there's not much alcohol in for "prinking"
So it's just a few teens in the house for an hour drinking not much and raiding my crisp cupboard.

Santaispolishinghissleigh · 16/11/2018 18:46

Are you a squillion years old op and forgotten how it is to be 16??
Your ds can't let his mates down, surely you get that??
Bath +bed for you.

IHaveBrilloHair · 16/11/2018 18:46

Btw, I check their bags and remove anything I don't approve of.
Beer and cider, fine, spirits, not a chance.

WhirlyGigWhirlyGig · 16/11/2018 19:19

Pre's aren't for hours. It's usually an hour or so and they're gone. I'd rather my kids had their pre's here so I can at least halt it if they're wasted. But honestly my daughter had lots at our house and they were fine.

Loyaultemelie · 16/11/2018 19:54

It wasn't unusual for friends dms to be in jammies when we were having pre drinks. Somehow I don't remember any pj wearing dads for some odd reason though

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