Share your PND survival stories please

[NewbornBaby]

Sorry this is not an Aibu but posting for traffic and to try and share with as many people as may need to see it.

My baby is 2 weeks old, I have severe pnd.
My dh is very anxious about going back to work next week because of how low I've been but we can't afford for him to be off any more.
Reading lots is helping a bit and hearing first hand survival stories is just what in need so please please share!
Thank-you!

Have you been to see your GP? It was the best thing I ever did when I recognised I had PND. I felt so much better opening up and admitting it, and started to take sertraline which transformed me within weeks. for you.

I had post natal depression after both of my children. It was worst after my first when I was suicidal but almost more scary the second time because I was scared to go back to being completely suicidal. Like you my DH was really worried about going back to work. I survived by asking for help. My doctor was amazing and really supportive. He searched to find an anti depressant that meant I could still breast feed. I had lovely health visitors who came every day. I had my mum to stay as much as she could. I went out every day (even though it was really hard). I found walking really helpful. And slowly slowly I came through it. It took a while and I’m still always aware of my mood dipping. It was the hardest thing I ever lived through so I wish you lots of love and luck. All you have to do is get through each day (at times I set myself the goal of getting through the next 10 minutes, then the next...) and the fog will lift eventually. Hang on in there.

GP, counsellor and a kind neighbour. Between them and my dh, they saved my life. More than once. It does get better. In my experience it was a turning point to actually accept it was Pnd - that took me months. I am so in love with my kids now. And hardly ever see my neighbour these days, but will never forget her kindness.

Hi OP are you under perinatal?
I was very poorly. PM me if you need to,
It does, truly get better

I had it really badly with my first. Waited way too long to accept it was more than 'tiredness'.

Eventually went to GP and prescribed AD which kicked in pretty swiftly and I slowly returned to a normal functioning human. Combined with CBT was incredible.

Please keep on talking to everyone about how you feel. Take time for yourself when you can. Long baths, walks out of the house when husband has baby, stuff just for you!

I'm now through it and feel so great again but with bonus of the most incredible toddler!

Currently pregnant 35 weeks and using my CBT techniques and a lot of self care to prevent it happening this time.

I had extreme PND after my first was born (psychosis).

Talking to my GP, my midwife refusing to sign me off until much later than is usual, counselling and friends/family keeping me company during the day really helped! Breaking the day up into manageable ‘chunks’ was another thing that made things easier - I used to use TV shows to measure the time before I’d have some company. Ask for help, try to remember that this will pass.

Now a mother to three (my eldest is young teen) and absolutely love being a mum! It gets easier over time - take care of yourself. Even if it feels like you’re just surviving each day...you are doing a fab job.

If you need to talk to someone, these guys are great www.pandasfoundation.org.uk
Most of their helpline staff are volunteers who’ve been there, so they will understand!

Had extreme PND from day 1. DD is now nearly 3 and I'm a lot better. Have you seen gp? Sertaline helped me a lot. Did you have a traumatic birth? X

Hi OP. I had bad PND with twins. What helped was other people helping me out. My mum was a star. At about 3 months I took them to a baby group. I found getting out with those guys all the time was my savour . Do you have any nearby baby groups x

I had it after my first DC. I didn’t believe he was mine, I thought someone would come and take him away from me. When he cried (which was constantly as he had bad colic pretty much from the start) I wanted to run away and hide. I never had the rush of love people talk about when he was born, I think on account of it being such a long, arduous and traumatic delivery. I remember one horrible time I had to leave him to cry in his Moses basket because I felt like if I listened to it anymore I would do something terrible. I went and laid in the bath with my head under the water so I didn’t have to hear him anymore and cried. I just had this enormous feeling of “what on earth have I done?!” and I did not feel capable of caring for another human being at all. At the darkest point, I asked for him to be adopted.

It was severe PND of course, he is now eight and a half and a pain in the arse the light of my life . I needed counselling and anti depressants for a while but I got there. My health visitors support was also invaluable. Ask for help, as much help as you need- health visitors will not judge, I promise. You will heal with help but you cannot ignore it, it won’t go away on its own.

I’ve had PND after both babies. The first baby was worse. I tried all sorts of things before eventually taking sertraline. I thought the sertraline was some kind of failing and really did not want to take it.
But now in hindsight I see that was the illness talking and actually sertraline saved me. It took 3 weeks to kick in properly but I went from being a complete mess to enjoying my baby.

I was an absolute wreck after my first. I tried anti d's but they caused horrific side effects. So I tried counselling which helped a lot but I was still a ball of anxiety, panic attacks and suicidal thoughts for about two years.

I got through it and so will you. It is very difficult to say how long as it is totally variable but for me, I was really bad for about 18 months and then it started to ease, by two years I was through the worst of it. Now, nearly 4 years on I have recovered and i'm stronger than i've ever been.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope you can try and ride it out as best you can, which sounds like such a casual thing to say, given the circumstances. But for me, it really was just the passage of time and ultimately it came to an end. I look back on those days and I was just a lost soul and I cannot tell you how different things are now. Hang in there

Thank-you to everyone who has given me such kind replies!

I was on sertraline through my pregnancy, my gp just upped my dose this week and referred me to talking therapies.

I've literally told everyone, all my friends, family, midwife etc just because I know that being open about it is what will save me.

The scary thing for me is that I've been depressed in the past, quite badly but I've always been able to rationalise that things will get better and accept it but even though I know that now, I still FEEL like I'll never be happy again.

Watching this as my baby is 10 months now and I feel I’m st my lowest point but I’ve not seen or told anyone so I want to see what the advice is

OP, I promise you now that it will get better and you will be well again.

DD2 is 6 months old and I was signed off from the perinatal mental health team this week. I'm better. But there was such a long time there when I thought I would never be well again. And that's despite having already been through it once with DD1. Both times I was so, so scared and I felt so very alone. I didn't think I loved my daughters, and I didn't think they loved me. All I felt was fear. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I cried all the time. What saved me was my Mum and the perinatal mental health team. If you haven't already been referred to them, ask your doctor or HV to do that. They are amazing. My other tips are below:

Surround yourself with people who will support you, love you and look after you. Being on your own is tough with PND. Try to book someone in every day so you are alone as little as possible. And choose the right people - the ones that will give you lots of hugs, make you a cuppa and reassure you that you will be OK. Because you will be.

Don't think about tonight or tomorrow or next week or next month. Just be here, now, with your baby. Try not to let your mind wander. I appreciate that might be easier said than done but it's a form of mindfulness and I found it really helped if I could do it.

Eat. I felt so much better when I forced myself to eat and drink properly.

Get out as much as you can. Don't stay cooped in the house all day or you start to get cabin fever. Even if it's just a walk around the block with a lovely friend.

Fresh air and green spaces are good for you - they clear your mind and help to give you a sense of perspective and calm. Or at least they did for me.

Above all, and this is so important, be kind to yourself. Even if you don't think you are, I promise you are doing a brilliant job. You are a brilliant Mum. And this will pass. Really, truly it will. Just keep asking for help x

@FeelingIllAgain - please tell someone. Your doctor or your Health Visitor. They will be able to help, I promise x

This time last year I was desperately unhappy. It didn't all come to a head and kick off properly till Christmas, because I hid it well. I remember sitting on the couch in the dark on Boxing Day, thinking I was going to have to phone an ambulance. It took three changes of medication and seeing a community psychiatric nurse before I finally started to feel normal.

This year? Everything is different. Everything is easier and better.

It will get better, please ask for help being a mother is incredibly hard, and you are doing fantastic for coming here and writing this down ❤️

I have an appt next week just for the baby’s check up I’m considering telling them then but unsure 😔
Don’t want to hijack this thread as OP needs support but I’ll keep reading it as it’s good for information x

@FeelingIllagain, definitely tell them. They will understand, they'll be sympathetic and they'll know who to refer you to.

PND for the second time autumn last year. it was just horrible but thank fully i responded to medication within a couple of months. about 16 days after starting my meds i noticed a slight difference for the first time and I did manage to have a lovely christmas

things that helped me:

running every other day (at your stage i would stick to walking but i started running after 6 weeks)

reading

watching comedy and avoiding sad and emotional tv and the news

lots of cuddles with DH

talking about it which you have been doing

meditating/praying/quiet time. I am catholic so i do pray but whatever you believe i would really recommend finding time to just relax and switch off your thoughts. I did yoga a bit and wish i had done more. I guess it is sometimes called mindfulness these days.

when DH went back to work he booked about 3 days spread out over the following six weeks. We planned to have special days out with dd (our others are at school) and i looked forward to those.

The scary thing for me is that I've been depressed in the past, quite badly but I've always been able to rationalise that things will get better and accept it but even though I know that now, I still FEEL like I'll never be happy again

this really atruck ne as i remmebwr having that same thought, what if i will never properly be happy normal me again?If anything I am happier than ever now.

i have also had cbt which was great. i waited about 8 months for that.

@feelingillagain what have you got to lose by telling them? you are a priority for talking therapies if your baby is less than 12 months so now is a good time.

I had terrible PND after my first. It started the day he was born - I didn't want to hold him and was terrified to be alone with him. I cried 24/7 and my heart filled with dread when I heard him begin to stir and wake.

As he became less of a newborn potato, and more of an interactive baby, I found I still wasn't enjoying it. I would leave him with willing grandparents for hours at a time for no reason other than I wanted to sit by myself. If a complete stranger walked up and asked me if they could have him I would have agreed.

Eventually I started to form a bond with him, but the PND then began to take the form of indescribable sorrow at the lost time in his newborn days. I was utterly convinced that he didn't, and would never, love me. I began thinking that both he & my husband would be better off without me. One morning in the early hours while everyone else was asleep, I sneaked out of the bedroom, grabbed the car keys and tried to run away. I had no destination in mind. I didn't even have shoes on. I just wanted to go somewhere and never go back. The idea of swerving my car into oncoming traffic, or slamming my foot down and heading for a lamp post crossed my mind. Eventually, after 2.5hrs of driving in circles, I pulled into a car park and just sobbed. I was useless at everything and my life was pointless. By this time it was about 10am, and my husband would have woken to get ready for work to find me missing. I knew I had to face the music, so I returned home with my tail between my legs. That afternoon my husband drove me to the GP and refused to leave until I had been seen. I was taken into a GP's office, where I put on my best smile and enthusiastically exclaimed "I'm fine! I'm just tired!" but I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

I was referred for counselling and given antidepressants. Over the next few weeks the dose had to be increased a couple of times, but I gradually began feeling better. I started enjoying my time with my son, and I was more bearable to be around. As time went by I developed a deep bond with my son, and even now he's best friend in the world. My son is now 4.5yo, and I always vowed I would never have more children after that experience, but I now have a daughter who has just celebrated her first birthday. Due to my history of PND I was closely monitored during this pregnancy - I stayed on my meds, and had weekly sessions with a perinatal mental health team. The counsellor even visited me in hospital after I gave birth to personally hand my aftercare and medication dosage information to the consultant & lead midwife to ensure everything would be handled appropriately and I wouldn't be at risk of falling into the rabbit hole again.

I'm still on my meds now. The newborn experience with my daughter has been the polar opposite of that with my son - I have enjoyed her baby days immensely, and finally understood what people meant when they said they loved those sleepy, cuddly, hazy moments with a tiny newborn.

My only advice would be to seek help as soon as possible. Don't let it fester. Don't tell yourself you're fine, and just tired. Don't believe the thoughts. Don't be afraid to involve people or talk about it. Widen your support system. Let people help.

I don't feel ashamed of having suffered PND, and I don't wish I could re-write history. I learnt a lot from my experience, and I truly believed that it shaped the close bond I have with my children now as well as my appreciation for my family and the services available to look after people in their time of crisis.

Look after yourself ❤️

I had PND that was so severe H was thinking he’d have to give up work to look after me and kids. I had refused meds, wasn’t sleeping and was just a crazy anxious angry hysterically tearful mess. I did quite a lot of things I am now ashamed of. I’d had depression before, but didn’t get PND with my 1st so I wasn’t prepared for it with my 2nd. It was so different from the depression I’d had before. Too much energy when your mind is in a bleak place is not good.

I had help from the crisis team, the local mother and baby unit, the health visitor and my GP. When I took the medication, and it actually started working things improved really quickly, much to my surprise as I was never, ever going to get better and there was no way the medication was going to do anything, according to me.

You will get through this. It’s good that you are being open- keep it up you are doing all you can xx

I had postnatal depression with both babies. I could do simple tasks like make a coffee or drive a car didn’t recognise people, was in a terrible fog and just couldn’t cope. I was in a mess. I had a great GP who phoned me and checked on me regularly as did my husband friends and neighbours, I took antidepressants and had counselling. Occupational health got me to exercise daily, have little projects like crochet and I went to a book group to give myself a focus. After 16 months I was able to return to my career as a surgeon. 3 years later i’m still on meds but happy and managing a busy life with full on career and two children. In the depths of my dispair I would never have thought this would be possible!

@FeelingIllagain please do feel free to jump on the thread and get some support too!

Thank-you everyone for sharing your stories! 💜 💐 for you all!

My husband told the midwife today just how bad I have been and she was shocked as I suppose I had plastered on a smile and hadn't let them realise how bad it was.

I'm so sick of crying all the time and I'm so scared of being alone all day every day next week when my husband goes back to work!

OP, can you book people in to keep you company next week? Family or friends? I'm so glad your DH told the midwife.