Is EXDH being a CF?

[spicedemerald]

I am a member of a gym and also pay for membership for my three DSs. EXDH is a member at the same gym and only pays for himself. (We both joined the gym a while after we had divorced and it was my choice to have a family membership. His is just for him. All fine.)

Up until recently, on his weekends with the kids he was using a guest pass to get them into the gym to swim. Again-fine. However, DS1 has just informed me that ‘daddy figured out he doesn’t need to use guest passes to get us into the gym anymore’. Apparently he has been checking them in without their membership cards by having the staff do a search.

I am now wondering if, since I am paying for their membership, I should be asking him to go halves as he is using it every other weekend, or shall I just leave it seeing as the children benefit whoever takes them?

I would leave it.

I pay for a limitless cinema card for my DS. I would pay for it regardless of whether he goes to the cinema with his dad, which he occasionally does. If they’re going to the gym anyway and the DC already have membership and they would still go even if ex stopped going with them you would presumably still continue to pay?

Ooh that's a good question, I'd be tempted to ask for a contribution as he's using it so regularly, but then again you were happy to pay that amount without knowing he was using it with them and it doesn't cost you any extra. It would probably depend on my mood and how much of a cockwomble he is generally

I don’t think it’s particularly cheeky. If you’re already paying for the membership it would be daft for him to pay entry - the only winner here is the gym.

I don’t think it would be out of order for you to ask him to contribute, but as you said he set his up and you set a family one up and that was fine.

I say this without knowing much about your relationship. If he is generally a piss taker then I can see why you’re pissed of but if he does generally contribute then I don’t thinks it’s a big deal.

It depends on how you think he'll react. Will he get stroppy and no longer take he kids swimming so he doesn't have to pay or will he be fine and hand over money.
I wouldn't mention it if he'll be annoyed as it's your kids that will miss out.

We have an amicable relationship now and neither of us take the piss. We split everything 50:50 when it comes to extra curricular stuff. I’ll probably leave it because it doesn’t seem worth kicking up a fuss over. Just needs some outside perspective 🙂

No that's not cheeky at all, he has his own membership, he is simply letting the kids use their own memberships on his weekends, it makes sense. To stop him or to ask for payment when you are paying anyway would be petty

If it doesn’t actually cause you any financial problems then why would you worry!
He was using guest passes for them before, so it wasn’t costing him money.
It just seems logical to use their own passes rather than guest passses.

He had to pay for guest passes.

I see. Well, that’s different. But it will come across as petty. I’d let it slide personally.
You’re not worse off. He’s slightly better off.

Perhaps when it comes to renewal you should suggest getting a family pass and split it 50/50

It seems silly to me that he pays for guest passes when your DS's have their own memberships of the club. I think what he is doing is fine.

I wouldn't personally mind if he used it.

But I do think the gym is at fault. I don't really think they should be sharing that you still attend there etc.
Seems like a breech of you personal data.

I'm guessing it's somewhere like David Lloyd? If so, a child membership is about £25 each. You would be asking him for about £2 per child if he uses it once a fortnight. I wouldn't risk damaging the relationship for that amount.

I would leave it but it would rankle.

It's not a breach of the OPs personal data for the staff to search for her children's names and admit them to the gym

Thanks everyone. I will leave it, as pointed out, not worth creating any hassle.

I’m not concerned about breech of data as it’s their names he’s searching for and they are his kids too.

Oh sorry though as it was a family past it would all be linked somehow.
It shows how often I use a gym

Some battles are just not worth fighting!
Take the higher ground, if you’ve got a good amicable relationship keep it that way. That’s worth so much more for your kids. They will appreciate that you’re a great mum and that you and their father have a good relationship, that’s worth it’s wright in gold

Weight!

But if they have membership does it really matter who takes them ? If it were me I would send them with their membership cards. However your ex could contribute towards the cost of the annual membership.

I think it would be crazy for him to pay for guest passes. You could ask him to pay a contribution to their gym membership as it's a shared expense but unless its very expensive I wouldn't make a huge deal of it. I don't think he's a CF.

I’d leave it TBH.

But they are members, so he's just letting them use their membership?

Is it swings and roundabouts? It's the sort of thing I'd leave if he sometimes does/pays for stuff that benefits them on your days too (e.g. clothes they wear all the time, or a hobby thing that falls on your weekends occasionally).

So long as the gym doesn't have a rule about the main account holder having to be there. Otherwise, it seems fine. Can you suggest to him that he uses the money he saves to buy them a drink once they've had some exercise? Seems like a win/win for the kids if he does that.

Can the DS get duplicate cards or take their cards with them to save the staff searching each time?

But yeah, as someone else said, the only winner here is the gym if he was paying for guest passes too. Would have been nice if he'd spoken to you about it I supposed. But it the bigger scheme of things if you're amicable, I would leave it.