Is EXDH being a CF?

[spicedemerald]

I am a member of a gym and also pay for membership for my three DSs. EXDH is a member at the same gym and only pays for himself. (We both joined the gym a while after we had divorced and it was my choice to have a family membership. His is just for him. All fine.)

Up until recently, on his weekends with the kids he was using a guest pass to get them into the gym to swim. Again-fine. However, DS1 has just informed me that ‘daddy figured out he doesn’t need to use guest passes to get us into the gym anymore’. Apparently he has been checking them in without their membership cards by having the staff do a search.

I am now wondering if, since I am paying for their membership, I should be asking him to go halves as he is using it every other weekend, or shall I just leave it seeing as the children benefit whoever takes them?

I wondered whether the main account holder has to be there also.

Just a thought, if you all use the same membership, would it work out cheaper to have a family membership including both parents?

Imagine he bought them both an iphone x on contract for xmas, would you be happy to pay him half because they sometimes use their phones when at yours?

Essentially you have bought them a present. It would be unfair to ask him after the fact to pay for some of it just because the kids use the present whilst at their fathers.

In response to the iPhone thing, I actually would expect to go halves on the monthly cost of that because our children (who do 50:50 with each of us). But that is something we would discuss first-neither if us would just buy phones for them.

But that is something we would discuss first-neither
I agree, you discuss it first before you buy it. Would it be fair to buy it without discussion they expect you to pay?

No not fair at all. But I was only wondering about the gym thing as he hasn’t mentioned he’s doing this and no longer has to pay for guest passes as I pay their membership. They go the same amount with him as they do with me. It would even be cheaper for him to go halves rather than pay the guest pass fee. But as I’ve said, not worth bringing up after getting some perspective.

When does the membership expire. Perhaps before renewing you could ask him if he would go halves then?

I actually think it's really weird that he was paying for them before if they are members.

If you usually pay for joint stuff between you then I don't think you would be out of order asking for a contribution, but the fact that you were happy without a contribution when he was paying unnecessarily for passes doesn't make you sound good tbh.

It benefits your children so I don’t see why it’s an issue. You pay regardless and it just seems spiteful to be making him pay extra for guest passes.

Could you say to him that 'the children have said he is buying guest passes, would he like to go halves with you and use the membership?' All innocent like...

Your ex doesn't legally have to go 50:50 on any extras so probably best not to antagonise him for the sake of a couple of quid in case he starts playing "by the book" i.e. CMS rate only.