To change nurseries

[No2palmoil]

My little one is not settling. He seems happy enough collecting him but drop off is awful he is scared and breaks his heart when I leave. He isn't like this when I leave him with family so it's not completely separation anxiety.

The nursery and I have tried everything g but he is just not happy. His behaviour has become unruly and uncontrollable. He seems hyper all the time. He has good routine everywhere else and nothing else has changed.

The nursery is extremely big 60+ children in the room. I think potentially it's just to busy for him and he is getting lost a bit in it all. The staff are wonderful and they are trying their best and I'm happy that he isn't being ignored or neglected more over stimulated by the sheer number of children coming and going.

I have a chance to transfer him to a very small nursery which he already knows and knows some of the staff so wouldn't be a complete change.

I'm just wondering how transfer/changes have gone with others that have moved their children to other nurseries. I'm so torn as it's such a well staffed and fun nursery I just don't think it's right for my wee boy. Help put my mind at ease if possible!!

Or tell me your horror stories. I know it's only us that can decide in the end, I just don't want to make it all worse for him Ashe is clearly not coping.

Long time poster, changed name as my other posts are really outing.

I posted this in nurseries a couple of days ago and it got no reply so I've reposted where I know someone will see it.

Sorry to be a pain

Oh also should add his behaviour is star pupil in the nursery bar the heart break of being left there it's just at home with me and other family he is pushing it.

How old is he?
Can I confirm if it's a 60 place nursery or there are 60 children in the room at any one time?

I would change. Not all kids can cope in a setting with so many other kids - noise etc. Try a childminder or smaller nursery.

Both DS1 and DS2 used to scream the place down whenever I did the nursery drop off. Within 5 minutes the tears would stop and they'd happily go and play with their friends.

We have an au pair and neither cried when the au pair did the drop off.

How long does it take him to calm down after you've left? If he seems happy when you collect him then I'd say it's normal behaviour.

Just change. The change in itself isn’t as bad as him being unsettled. I moved my son after much consideration and it was the making of him. Only regret is I should have moved himsooner

60 kids in one room? Really? How old?

60 dc per room? That's huge. I would switch nurseries or look into a cm.

hes clearly not happy, move him somewhere smaller, sounds like you have the perfect nursery lined up already x

Yep it has a capacity of 80 and will be full in January. It's the closest nursery to us and I was so wrapped up in him setting down roots and meeting wee friends he would go to school with I just assumed all nurseries were similar......turns out not. Feel so stupid.

I can't stress enough how brilliant the nursery is run and how well kept it is but there is just so many kids. It's also never the same staff on any given day so he isn't going straight into the same face every day, which I think he struggles with.

They also only have 2 10 min sessions a day of group time then it's pretty much free play so he doesn't seem to be getting to know any set children.

He needs structure a lot he doesn't cope well with change and it's a forever changing noisy environment.

He has just turned 3.5yrs.

60 in one room is madness at that age; in fact at any age! you need a much smaller nursery or ideally a childminder ( slight bias here!)

Oh in answer to the how long is he unsettled any where between 5-15 mins but he does complain daily of other children hitting and pushing him. When asked does he tell he says no. Iv asked the staff if they have seen this and they say no and I'm pretty sure if there were continuing incidents I'd be told.

I need to ask again what his behaviour has been like because our normal and their normal doesn't seem to tie up.

I'm not sure I can afford a child minder??

I just need to bite the bullet I think just don't want to make more mistakes. I'm also a bit sensitive as I had a very unsettled upbringing due to lots of moving about so maybe projecting a little.

Change him if you feel its best. I always guage on pick up though. My son went to a horrible childminder, he would scream going and run out at pick up relieved to be out. I wasn't happy with numourous things so hanged him. He still occasionally screamed going but often would scream about coming home as he was having such a good time.

Changed not hanged!

He can't get out of the room fast enough when he sees me.

Yeah that would be extreme parenting

60+ children in the room

No nursery should have that many. I always say you should avoid any place with more than 12 babies(0-2) in one room, 16 toddlers(2-3), and 40 pre-schoolers. My dream nursery wouldn't go past 9,12 and 30.

I've worked in places with 45 children of that age as supply staff. I sometimes worked most of the day and suddenly realised that at tea time for example, was the first time I've seen a particular child. Our paths just hadn't crossed that day. It all becomes so impersonal at those numbers. You might be able to keep track of your key children but how are you supposed to really get to know another 40, 50 or 80 (Assuming more on registrar than spaces) children?

I changed my son’s nursery when he was 2, ironically once I’d given notice he started settling faster, but it was absolutely the right thing to do. He was happier within a week.

I've recently changed my daughter's nursery. Her old one was always really busy and always seemed a little chaotic. She had to literally be peeled off me at drop off. She would settle down after time but in all the photos they sent, I never saw one smile

Her new nursery is much smaller with less children. She's so much happier

I think I would change just for the fact 60 children in one room is madness and it sounds like you LO needs a lot more structure instead of free play!

I work in a nursery with a limit of 30 and for some that can still be quite overwhelming so double that is madness to me!

It is however quite normal for children to cry when leaving parents and as soon as they go be fine and happily go off and play! I think how you are also reflects this - for example one of my key children always cry's when nanny drops him off because nanny worries more, Mum has a more come on off you go attitude and he is now fine with Mum leaving! He is fine during the day and happily goes off to play, is confident asking any of the teachers for anything etc it's literally only just walking in that sets him off! It would have been a shame if Mum would have pulled him out as in one term he's come on so far already and it's down him the world of good! However me and Mum have a good relationship, if there was ever a problem or he wouldn't settle I would call and she knows this (when he first started we got her to come early and then she built up a couple of sessions), if I had other worries about the nursery or behaviour etc then that would probably make me question it more!

Is there no structure to the day at all? That would be really odd.

80 3-4 year old, so what 7 to 10 adults for ratio?!! I just can't get my head around the scale of the room! Ds is in the younger toddler/big baby room at his setting, there are up to 16 kids in there and I think he finds drop off a little overwhelming sometimes. I'd find somewhere smaller.

A childminder should be cheaper than a nursery, surely?

60 children in one room blows my mind. Mine is in a nursery with no more than 7 in the room (and I think that's a lot!)

The reason he's getting hit and they're not seeing is because there is way too many children in one room. Regardless of whether they're in ratio or not it can't be safe. It would also ring alarm bells that everyday there's different staff. Does he have a key worker? They should be there in pretty much everyday he's in to be his comfort and reassurance.
I work in a nursery and have been in childcare for 19yrs. I'm also a mum of 2 and I'd move him.