To feel annoyed at how co-dependant DP is?

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Honestly it's like he's a little boy. He rings his mum every day, sends her several texts a day and goes to see her pretty much every day. If she's away on holiday he has to ring her too. And if he can't reach her, he'll ring his siblings to see if they've spoken to her.
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind that they're close. MIL is really quite nice and I like her. I'm pretty lucky with a nice MIL judging from some of the stuff I see on here.
What pisses me off is that he cannot make a decision without running it past his mother first.
New wallpapaper? Let's ring mum.
New car? Let's ring mum.
I've bought a new sofa. I'll just ring mum and check that she likes it.
Thinking of going away on holiday? I'll ring my mum.
We have been away on a few UK holidays this year and we have only managed to go on one by ourselves as he invited his parents on the rest. Including a holiday that was meant to be for my big birthday.
We bought a house this year and were waiting on hearing back from the estate agents as to whether our offer had been accepted. Who did he ring first when they contacted him? His partner, mother of his children and woman that he lives with? No. He rang his mummy to tell her the news first.
Really cheeses me off sometimes that we can't have our own little family and make decisions between us as we have to consult MIL first. FWIW I don't think that she is that bothered what we are doing, and it's not her that is making him call her first. Although she does like to have her say.
And then there's the fact that he thinks she's an absolute goddess who can do no wrong so there's no way I can live up to her incredibly high standards....

The constant contact thing would be stifling for me but I know plenty of women who are like that with their mothers.

Inviting her on all your family holidays is too much though

And he definitely should’ve called you first about the house!

I'm afraid you should have nipped this in the bud a long way back - you've got kids, so I assume you've been together for several years and he's always been like this. Have you never spoken to him about it?

It would drive me to violence though.

I know three women who are like this with their mums. If a man does it, he’s a mummy’s boy though, apparently.

I agree with other posters, I know women like this. I don't get the constant contact, but I was brought u pre mobile phones, when you had one phone I the hall and your dad told you to hurry up! I don't contact my dh during the day unless it really cannot wait and I call my parents about once a week unless it's urgent - I think we are probably weird now!

I brought it up with him after the house thing.
He didn't really get what the big problem was as he rang me straight after and 'its not a competition' so it didn't matter who he rang first.
To be fair his 2 siblings also contact her every day too.
I speak to my mum once or twice a week and we exchange texts if we have something to tell one another.
It's not as if MIL is on her own, FIL is still alive and kicking so it's not as if he's compensating for her being lonely either.
Don't think that she gets much peace between the 3 of them ringing and texting and turning up all the time.
He is an absolute mummys boy, which I can take to a certain extent, but it's just the constant having to run everything by his mum. Hacks me off! It's like I'm in a relationship with her too!

It seems quite benign.

The holiday thing - presumably you went along with that? You should be able to say who you want to holiday with.

The rest? Let it go. You aren’t complaining of intereference by her.

And, yes, loads and loads of women are like this.

Do you have a DS? One day you might have this relationship with him too!

I wouldn't mind the contact as such, ott and annoying but if it didn't interfere with me I'd get over it.

The house thing would have really pissed me off!!

The holiday thing is actually a new level of disrespectful and would be a deal breaker after the first time.

The ringing mammy about the paint and the sofa would genuinely be a big turn off if I am honest. Everybody asks for opinions on things, that's no problem and if she were in the room then of course ask but to seek her out before you make a decorating decision?? Nah sorry that's plain weird.

If fil dies first your fucked because it will ramp up to you never seeing him and he practically replacing fil

Actually I don’t know any women who can’t choose wallpaper with their partner because they need their mothers opinion.

And he does sounds over dependent to me. Calling his siblings when his mother is on holiday is OTT.

He does need to make you and his children his first priority. And stop needing his mothers approval for every single tiny decision in life.

I’m very close to my daughter and she ring she me most days. But she is 18 ( and quite young for her age ) and I would think it odd if she did this when she was 30 with 2 kids. And even she manages to make choices about holidays and weekends away etc without asking me first.

If I was his mum that would drive me nutty. Three children contacting me every day and at least one wanting my opinion on every decision.
I’ve got two adult boys, we’re close and I love to hear from them but I want them to go out in the world and be independent grown-ups.

Ringing and texting everyday, I couldn’t care less.
The house thing, the holidays or checking EVERYTHING with his mum befire doing anything? Nope.

And tbh, I would have the same answer for a woman who takes her parents with her to all the family hols, ask them for their pov on everything before taking à decision etc..

Time to cut the umbilical cord tbh and grow up.

Well, he's not co-dependent as it doesn't sound like his mum is dependent on him... he's just a Mummy's boy. Funny how it's less attractive in a man than the same trait is in a woman, to some people.

Most women moan that their h never contacts their family... hard for men to get the balance right!

But he should be listening to you and what you want - especially about things like going on holiday. You should be his first priority.

Can he make decisions by himself at work or does he have to run things past his mum then too? That would drive me mad. I like people to be decisive.

That kind of thing would drive me potty long before I had children with and bought a house with a person.

I wouldn't be able to tolerate this. It would have stopped any relationship dead in its tracks in the very early days as this would be a dealbreaker for me. But maybe it's no coincidence that all my long term relationships have been with people whose parents have already passed away or who live a long way away and their 'child' doesn't live in their pocket. I just find this dependent behaviour totally unattractive. It literally repulses me. I would have run away screaming by date 2 of your relationship OP.

I grew up with both my parents that codependent with their mothers. Looking back on it, now I have my own kids, it was so bloody instrusive. We could never spend half a day away from either of them, hours of phone calls, multiple visits each week to their houses and them to ours. Hardly surprising that I focus on my own kids now and knkh occasionally call my parents. I want to be a present and available parent, not a codependent daughter. 🤷‍♀️

I think there’s a difference.

Calling a parent every day ( particularly one who is elderly, frail, unwell, housebound or recently widowed ) to touch base and see how THEY are = kind and caring son or daughter

Calling a parent every day ( who is not old or frail or housebound and is happily married ) because YOU need to run every tiny decision of your life past then first = not normal.

Panicking when you can’t get hold of them because you know they are out having a good time = unhealthy and inappropriate dependency.

Your husband needs counselling .

This would drive me bananas! What does his mum make of it I wonder? Has she ever indicated? My DP and his mum get on great but we see her maybe... 3 or 4 times a month? Ring weekly, text as and when. My mum doesn't live nearby so I ring most days, but can make wallpaper decisions myself!

I'd definitely be firmer on the PIL on a holiday. What's that about?!

Until the holidays and the house I thought you were talking about me and my mum 😂

But the house is unacceptable. He needs to sort out his priorities.

The time to have an issue with this is before having kids and a house. Hes always been this way so presumably you made a choice to go along with it. I would find this utterly suffocating.

The only good thing is that you like your MIL and get along. You better be really nice to her because you know where you will stand if you do.

I wouldn't buy a house with someone like this.

I meant you know where you will stand if you get on her bad side.

Tell him next time he wants to have sex to ask his mum her opinion first.

He might take a hint after that?

Nenic

If a man does it, he’s a mummy’s boy though, apparently.

The neighbour of a friend was like this with her mother, and everyone thought it was weird and clingy.

If my daughters phoned me that much I'd feel absolutely stifled.

Yet you still decided to stay & have kids with him!

Is she elderly or ill?

Why the panic if he can't get hold of her?