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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU - baby poonami

79 replies

hatespickinganame · 15/11/2018 14:15

I know there are a few of these threads, but its been playing on my mind a bit all day.

Not going into too many details - I was out shopping with 6m baby and she had a poo (was obvious from smell). I trundle off to the baby change, which is located in the disabled loo.

Turns out, since we have just started weaning, it was a monstrous explosion that had gone, quite literally, everywhere. I strip her off and attempt to clean her up whilst trying to keep hands and feet from spreading the poo even further - I'm sure you can imagine.

Anyway, about half way into this there is a knock on the door. I shout an apology that my baby has had an accident, and I am trying to clean her up as quickly as possible. A few minutes go past and there is another knock on the door. I manage to open it (its right next to the table), to apologise again and demonstrate I am not just obstructing the loo for the sake of it. The elderly gentleman on the other side looks vaguely horrified - he isn't rude at all (doesn't really say much) but gives me a look that makes me feel like I am the worst and most inconsiderate person in the world at that moment.

I have assumed IWNBU at the time, as I'm not sure what else I could have done - aside from clearing out the loo and holding my smelly, naked daughter at arms length whilst he used the facilities. Is there anything else I could have done? I was in there for 15-20 mins cleaning her up, which I recognise is a long time to block use to the only disabled loo.

OP posts:
bellinisurge · 15/11/2018 14:18

If the shop or wherever puts baby changing in the disabled loo it is not your fault if your desperate need clashed with another person's desperate need.
Anyone who has ever dealt with a baby poonami feels your pain.
I have MS. You were not at fault.

Steelesauce · 15/11/2018 14:18

Yanbu, if that's where the baby change is, that's where you change the baby. There could have been another disabled person in there at the time anyway.

avocuddl · 15/11/2018 14:20

Yanbu poo disasters out and about are so stressful and he was deffo being unreasonable to keep knocking

JollyGiraffe · 15/11/2018 14:20

So what happened in the end?

Sounds like he looked horrified because you opened the door to show him a scene of poo carnage

sophiec123 · 15/11/2018 14:21

Yanbu! If that is the only baby changing facility it is not your fault! Quite literally it's tough shit! 🙈😂

User12879923378 · 15/11/2018 14:22

YWNBU.

BishopBrennansArse · 15/11/2018 14:23

I'd be complaining to the shop tbh. There's no good reason why baby change shouldn't be separate from the disabled loo nowadays.

Xmasbaby11 · 15/11/2018 14:24

I wouldn't have even opened the door. Nothing you could do about this. You only took the time you needed.

cadburyegg · 15/11/2018 14:28

YANBU. Him knocking actually slowed you down, probably. Who spends more time than necessary in those smelly rooms anyway?

A few weeks ago I took my 3 year old and baby on a day out and at the end of it, both 3 year old and I needed the toilet and baby needed a nappy change. So we went into the baby change room which luckily also has a toilet in. We were probably no more than 7-8 minutes, during which time somebody started knocking. I was as fast as possible, assuming someone on the other side had a newly potty trained toddler or something. Opened the door and there was a couple with one small baby. Hmm

Ariela · 15/11/2018 14:29

YWNBU but I'd suggest cloth nappies are better designed (elastic at waist) and therefore better at containing poonami type poos along with cloth wipes (which are far more efficient at actually cleaning, unlike those woven polyester single-use baby wipes)would likely save you the embarassment next time.

aLilNonnyMouse · 15/11/2018 14:30

Disabled person here. In the moment I would have been rather frustrated; waiting around causes me a lot of pain, and trying to hold it in can sometimes be almost impossible, leading to my own adult sized poonami to sort out after you are gone.

But, later on, after you are gone and I've managed to relive myself, the only one I'm going to be mad at is the shop. You needed to use the baby change facilities so you went where they were placed which is completely reasonable. The shop however would be getting an earful.

IJustLostTheGame · 15/11/2018 14:33

Yanbu.
Knocking on the door is rude anyway.
You don't knock on cubicle doors in loos if they're all taken.

welshweasel · 15/11/2018 14:35

How on earth can you spend 20 minutes doing that? Strip baby, wet wipe head to toe, put new nappy and clothes on, bag up pooey clothes and wash hands. 5 minutes max!

Original poster
hatespickinganame · 15/11/2018 14:40

Thanks - I didn't think IWBU, but it was nagging at me a bit.

Jollygiraffe - he mumbled something (I wasn't really listening) and was turning around when I shut the door. He wasn't there when I finished, and I didn't see him anywhere in the shop. I guess I assumed he was forced to use the mens loo if he could.

A lot of places now do have separate baby change facilities to the disabled (they get a massive thumbs up if they also stick a loo in there - I hate trying to manoeuvre a pram into the regular loos, and then having to leave it outside the cubicle). I have found service stations are the worst for having disabled/baby change together. There are never enough of them, and there is always a massive queue.

OP posts:
AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 15/11/2018 14:43

If that's where the baby changing unit was then you had as much right to use it as him without feeling guilty (same as if he was queuing behind another disabled person) it was just unlucky that you both needed it at the same time.

DailyMailFail101 · 15/11/2018 14:45

You definitely didn’t do anything wrong but I really don’t know how it can take 15-20mins, the man behind the door may have been desperate, he won’t of meant any harm. Don’t dwell on it

OlobobTop · 15/11/2018 14:46

Knocking on the door is rude anyway

This!! Such a weird thing to do, I wouldn't ever dream of doing this!

YWNBU at all, 100% the shops fault for having them together. I know they must have limited space or whatever but it's really annoying being made to feel like you are inconveniencing a disabled person cos you somehow feel their need trumps your baby's.

Original poster
hatespickinganame · 15/11/2018 14:47

@welshweasel - clearly there is a trick I am missing, as I was not messing about in that unholy stench, but it still took me a while to clean her, me and leave the room in a reasonably poo free state

OP posts:
Petitprince · 15/11/2018 14:51

I'd wonder how it could take 20 minutes. Even the biggest poonami never takes more than five.

Kintan · 15/11/2018 14:51

15-20 mins is a long time to be using a single public facility! I totally understand how stressful
these incidents are but I don’t think you can blame the man for knocking after that long!

TittyFahLaEtcetera · 15/11/2018 14:53

YWNBU. As PP have said if the only baby changing facility is in the accessible toilet then babies have just as much right to be changed in there as a disabled person has to use the loo. And I'm disabled too. It's the shop's fault, definitely raise it with them.

What would he have done if it had been another disabled person who was having to clean themselves up in there? (And it does happen, because I know I've had to clear myself up a few times when I've not made it in time!)

I once had a disabled person give me an ear bashing as I came out of the accessible loo. Told me in very colourful language that I didn't look very disabled and I could have caused him to piss himself. He was like me, walking unaided but stunk of booze. I told him he was very ignorant of invisible disabilities and perhaps try drinking less if he didn't want to have accidents. Not my finest hour - I generally assume everyone using accessible loos has a genuine need and try to avoid tit for tat, but he was vile, swearing at and intimidating me in front of my highly anxious, autistic then seven year old.

It's unfortunate when you need to go and someone else is using it, but it's a toilet, it's meant to be used by those it's intended for. If there happens to be disabled people and parents trying to use the same space - that is intended for both of them - then that's just luck of the draw. Unlike buses, no one has precedence in this situation, it really is first come first served.

Thurmanmurman · 15/11/2018 14:53

YANBU. Not your fault that’s where the changing facilities are and being disabled is no excuse for rudeness. Banging on the door was rude in my opinion.

anniehm · 15/11/2018 14:55

As a general rule I would use the baby change inside the ladies loo rather than the one in the disabled toilet if available however if the only baby change is in the disabled toilet the yanbu, the only thing you can do is to be as quick as possible. In larger shops etc it is a reasonable expectation to have more than one baby change, they are not expensive whereas in a restaurant for instance you don't expect that.

Trinity66 · 15/11/2018 14:55

YWNBU, I'm not sure what other option you had really?

Hospitaldramafamily · 15/11/2018 14:56

Yesterday we had a poonami at home. Poo through three layers of clothes, poo all down his legs and into the feet of the babygro, poo up on his shoulders- and he kept trying to put his hands in it when I changed him! It easily took me 15 mins to sort him out. YWNBU

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