re 'why does it bother you'

[justfloatingpast]

This is a forum for discussing general stuff, seeking opinions, having a moan etc.

Yet invariably you will have someone coming onto a thread asking 'Why does it bother you OP'?

It's on a par with 'have you nothing else to worry about'?

Usually the OP has posted quite calmly, is just seeking opinions, or wondering if something that she finds unusual is actually considered quite normal by other people and so on.

But some posters like to make out they're frothing at the mouth, anguishing over it, or thinking obsessively about it.

AIBU to find this bloody annoying.

And a gold star to the first person to post "Why does this bother you so much OP "

Surely you've got better things to worry about?

But why does this bother you?

@PrincessConsuelaBananahamm0ck FGS you beat me to it!

I think when your behind a screen and not in RL you can be blunt to the point of rudeness. Maybe this is what the MNers who do this are thinking in RL but don't say it in RL - who knows.

Personally if I think it on a post I move onto a new post and say nothing, but I'm quite a blunt person in real life and talk frankly with my friends so don't feel the need to hide behind a screen and do it. Maybe my friends think I'm rude but they always come to me for honest advice 🤷🏼‍♀️

Because I want to know why it bothers them.

But why do you assume it's 'bothering them' Spanky. People often post about things out of idle curiosity, to get a discussion going, to wonder if other people think the same re an issue.

People don't only start threads about things that bother them.

If someone has taken the time to write a post about something, they presumably have a reason for feeling strongly about it. So if they haven't made the reason clear, it seems fair enough to ask.

It's gaslighting in a way isn't it.

YANBU. It is sometimes used as a snide put down rather than as a serious question.

I agree op.

Surely if nothing bothered us, none of us would contribute on here, and maybe Mumsnet wouldn’t even exist!

Its politer than 'wtf are you on about?'

I think I'd prefer 'wtf are you on about'. At least it's direct and honest rather than sneery and patronising.

I think it usually crops up on threads where the OP has wanted to rip into something they see as either tacky, immature or common but which isn’t really doing anyone any harm. For instance wearing pyjamas in public, cake smashes, adult Disney or Harry Potter fans, putting your Christmas decorations up in November, posting pictures of your child’s presents on Facebook, letting your children wear onesies home from swimming lessons, playing video games... I could go on.

@BluthsFrozenBananas true, but then why not move onto the next post instead of laying into someone for having a rant? Someone posted the other day about pets wearing poppies, I was sitting next to my pooch wearing one. I could have bite or got defensive but I chose to move on because it wasn't worth my time or effort to get into a discussion so silly.

Sometimes they are bizarre things that annoy people so much that they feel the need to go and write about it, so it's a bit strange sometimes - the really banal things, I mean.

Aargh, if I hear the word gaslighting one more time I'll scream. Now I might write a post about that, come to think of it, haha!

But, but .... sometimes there might be an underlying issue or the real issue may not be the one originally flagged up ....

I have had a lot of CBT and the instictive idea to get to the nub of what really is the problem and understand the source of the emotions ...

Perhaps overthinking ....

Actually I think it's a valid question. It basically means "Think about this. Have you got a rational reason for disliking it, or are you being judgy?"

We were staying in a cottage with friends and they raised their eyebrows at the fact we let our DC come to the table to eat meals in their pyjamas. I wish I'd had the courage to say "Why does it bother you?" rather than just smiling and mumbling something incoherently.

I agree, but maybe some people really want to know why others are bothered about things which have no impact on them at all.

I really don’t like seeing adults out in pyjamas, it was bothering me a bit as to why. I eventually worked out it was because I find it embarrassing because I’d be embarrassed to be wearing pyjamas in public, so I’m embarrassed for them even though they obviously don’t care .

I’m more arsed about people flippantly using the term gaslighting.

I do wonder why certain things bother others eg how much someone else spends on a present etc it’s not really anyone else’s business

Just because something is not specifically your business doesn't mean you can't be interested/curious about it.

I don't see anything wrong in someone posting and wondering why someone would want to put up their decorations in November, or spend £1,000 on their 5 year old's Santa presents.

The OP isn't saying it's any of their business, just that it's something they find unusual. Do posters in real life only ever discuss or chat about things that are strictly their business?

"Sometimes they are bizarre things that annoy people so much that they feel the need to go and write about it, so it's a bit strange sometimes - the really banal things, I mean."

To be honest, I tend to post on here about banal, fairly innocuous stuff as I see AIBU as just a way of passing time. I wouldn't post about something that is really upsetting or worrying me here, because I don't really use it for that kind of stuff.

I posted something similar on a the “would you expect a thank you text” thread today.

The OP’s DD had a lovely playsate with a new friend. The child was apparently delightful. I’d have thought that was the holy grail of play dates personally, a child you’d be happy to have in your house any afternoon.

Instead of focusing on the positives the OP is nitpicking because she didn’t get a thank you text.

A thread, with identifying details, about how rude the Mum was. Let’s hope she’s not an MNer.

I queried the OP because I think people often spend time looking for things to be annoyed about and MN threads often wind them up further.

The little girl could potentially be “that girl with the rude Mum” rather than that lovely new friend of DD’s”

She should have said thank you but is it really worth a thread?

It’s really not.

“Why does it bother you?” Is generally an indication that you should get over yourself.

And no, I didn’t have to comment on the thread and often don’t.

Recently however I have a concern that MN is become a bit of an echo chamber. Threads full of the equivalent of “there, there hun”.

I always aim to be polite, but if the OP is being silly/unreasonable/over sensitive I don’t think it’s a bad thing to offer an alternative perspective.

I think there is a difference between being curious and being judgy though. Being curious and interested is one thing and it’s fine to seek clarification and others point of view being judgy about someone doing something that has no impact on you whatsoever is just mean girl playground behaviour. Who cares if some has their Christmas decorations up they like them it’s their house. Who cares that my ds puts on a onsie after swimming in the winter? He’s warm and happy it’s dark and the car is 10 feet away from the pools door. These things have no impact on anyone else.
The people posting those types of threads are just doing it to feel superior and I don’t think it does any harm to put it back on them maybe get them to look at themselves a bit.

I don't see why it matters.

'Why does it bother you' is a perfectly reasonable question and hopefully sheds more insight into the OP's real issue which may make more sense with more details. I'm not on mumsnet often but it would be a PITA if everyone was just posting idle crap, unless stating it was to give me the chance to find more interesting posts!