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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to dig a large hole and put my hv in it?!!!!!

35 replies

mamabear2b · 20/06/2007 11:15

RANT/ADVICE ALERT

My ds is now nearly 13 weeks old, was born 6lb 5 with no complications and is now 10lb 2 but hv isn't happy about his weight gain and every time I see her she bugs me about what I'm eating (loads by the way,as bf) how much water I'm drinking and how long he feeds for...it's driving me mad!!!!

He's a happy contented baby but does still feed every 2 hours from both sides, the feeds only take about 20 minutes in total but he seems satisfied and theres nothing left as I check by using the b/pump. I did try to stretch the feeds to three hours last week but he only put on 5oz so am back to 2 hours again.

I've become a bit of a stress head about it all now and can see why women end up switching to formula!! How often and for how long does everyone else feed for?

OP posts:
harpsichordcuddler · 20/06/2007 11:18

DON'T GO!
why are you seeing your hv? she isn't helping you is she?
your baby is gaining weight beautifully. tbh "only" 5oz is neither here nor there imo I mean how much does a good poo weigh for example
seriously, stop seeing her unless you are worried. keep feeding, keep having good skin to skin, rest as much as you can and try and go with the flow and enjoy your baby without worrying about lbs and ozs for a bit

ViciousSquirrelSpotter · 20/06/2007 11:21

No you're not being unreasonable.

These women are nutters, they are obsessed with weight. I feel sorry for them in a way, they must be so pressurised to produce target weights or something mad,, for them to be harrassing mothers with babies who are very obviosuly doing fine.

WigWamBam · 20/06/2007 11:23

You don't have to see the HV at all, if you don't want to. And as she's stressing you out, maybe it would be a good idea not to!

Feeding every two hours at 13 weeks is still pretty normal, so try not to worry about that. What you eat and drink is pretty unimportant to your breast milk as well.

He is gaining weight, he's happy and contented, he's feeding well - sounds as if you're doing a great job.

Boco · 20/06/2007 11:23

Your instincts are telling you that your son is doing well, happy, healthy - thriving.

Your instincts are telling you that your hv is a fool and needs to be poked in the eye with a stick and ignored.

Go with your perfect instincts.

harpsichordcuddler · 20/06/2007 11:26

I have never seen the hv with dd2. in fact she hasn't been to the surgery apart from her vaccs and periodic checks.
she is surviving

harpsichordcuddler · 20/06/2007 11:26

get this though - I don't know what centile she is on
I know, you're appalled

Original poster
mamabear2b · 20/06/2007 11:28

Love the poo weight query!! I see her once a week as she goes to the bf group that I attend.
I know he's happy healthy and looked after but sometimes you can't help but let that little sees of doubt grow.

Before he had his first injections she said she was glad it was the doctor doing it because his thighs we so little then he had his second set of injections this week and she couldn't help herself from commenting at least three times that he would need to get more weight on his thighs because it wouldn't hurt as much for his 3 month ones.

I am normally a reasonable person who would be the first to tell anyone to ignore health professinals lack of empathy but suddenly I appear to have become some sort of mindless idiot.

Anyone got any ideas for a good mantra thought about ... "Trust thyself and tell hv to stick it"

OP posts:
ViciousSquirrelSpotter · 20/06/2007 11:31

I never went to the HV with my second child either

Just couldn't be arsed to have to leave my buggy outside the building where it could be stolen, then have to listen to someone worrying about something I didn't want to worry about.

NikkiBFG · 20/06/2007 11:33

Do you think the HV's obsession with weight leads to obesity in kids? I've heard of so many HV telling mums to feed their kids puds to get them to fatten up etc....and not every mum has the support of mnet to encourage them to say no and carry on with what they feel is best do they??

babygrand · 20/06/2007 11:34

All babies are different - with my first the feeds were 40 mins + and with the second one, mostly only about 5 mins.
You know what you're doing.
You don't need to see a health visitor if it isn't helping you!

Wisteria · 20/06/2007 11:37

Agree agree! - my HV with 1st child put me through that 'she's not big enough, put her on bottle' and cos I was young & naive I went along with it and gave up bf, wish i'd listened to my Mum instead .
2nd time around I took no notice of her weight gain other than making sure she was generally getting bigger; luckily had much better hv who didn't interfere too much and managed to bf until dd was well over 12 months.
Trust your instincts, he sounds fine, that seems like a great weight gain to me, certainly more than mine were at that age... some dcs are just littler than others!

Eliza2 · 20/06/2007 11:38

The weight charts are about to be re-issued, apparently, because they are designed for bottle fed babies, not breastfed babies. The former put on weight more quickly. 7052.ece

Original poster
mamabear2b · 20/06/2007 11:40

Don't know what percentile she's on...shocking! Hate those bloody things

Can def see how babies are being overfed when hv become obsessed, wouldn't mind if they asked sensible questions like is he growing out of clothes does he play on his mat, is he interacting.

Guess it's all just stats...maybe 'll do a graph showing how often he smiles, giggles and plays every day?!

OP posts:
NikkiBFG · 20/06/2007 11:41

I don't bother with DS's weight - I can tell by his chubby little cheeks and chunky little thighs that he's doing just fine! Mum's instinct is always the best imo!!

Original poster
mamabear2b · 20/06/2007 11:43

Thanks Eliza,

Unfortunately we have the new bf chart and he's still not "performing" to hv stats

OP posts:
EffiePerine · 20/06/2007 11:45

DS fed every 2 hrs till about 5 months and for 10-15 mins at a time. Sounds normal. Tell hv to sod off

snugglebumnappies · 20/06/2007 11:46

eveyone else has already said it....give her the boot , just don't bother going unless you want to. I had a different HV with DD than DS1 as we had moved areas, she was shocked by my declinig of everything from vit k to imms, second time round with her DS2 and she knows not to even bother asking [gron], just put her in her place with some well researched evidence about b/f babies anf the growth charts being complete crap and then leve her there

MatNanPlus · 20/06/2007 11:52

I have the new centile charts and so he started between the 2nd and 9th and is now happy healthy and between the 0.4th and 2nd.

Someone has to be ther and that isn't that big of a drop.

HV crack me up, lots of motions, smiles filling out clothes and good sleeping are better indicators of a satisfied baby than charts.

Go with your instinct, you know where to go if your worried.

Original poster
mamabear2b · 20/06/2007 11:58

Cheers again mnt's little one is awake and ready to play so going to sing old mcdonald had a farm for the 30th time today!!!

OP posts:
mascarpone · 20/06/2007 12:00

mamabear2be. I have had exactly the same thing with my HV. I wonder sometimes whether HVs can't see that the world is made up of people of all different shapes and sizes! My dd is now 7.5 months and I am still bfing. My dd only used to feed for 5-10 mins on one side which really worried me and the HV. I stopped going to get her weighed so frequently because it just used to freak me out.

alicet · 20/06/2007 13:16

Not read whole thread so sorry if dupicating...

Ask your GP practice if they have another HV you can see instead. If your son is happy and contented he is obviously getting all he needs. My ds fed virtually continuously and slept on the boob too during the day with only very short gaps. Later found out he had a tongue tie so this might have been why. But if you're not bothered about the 2 hour feeds and he's fine then don't worry.

Pixel · 20/06/2007 20:09

I had this nagging over weight from my HV with dd (she was 6.5 as well). It got as far as her frightening me half to death by referring dd to the GP. The GP couldn't see a problem and obviously thought I was an over-paranoid first time mum so I made sure I told her it was all the HV's idea!

Original poster
mamabear2b · 21/06/2007 10:45

Ta for all the real world advice and experiences, going to back of weighing appointments and try to trust my instincts a bit more.
With everything thst goes with a new baby forgot about the skin to skin stuff and have just spent the loveliest morning with ds lots of skin cuddles and was rewarded by 15 minute of him on his tummy turning full circle with his head raised off the floor...hardy a weak underfed little baby!!!

OP posts:
MatNanPlus · 21/06/2007 18:15

Sounds a good, thriving little boy there Mamabear2b.

Take her grumbles with a large handful of salt.

nooka · 21/06/2007 18:21

If you are confident, then reduce the weighing to once a month. HVs should be concentrating on parents that need help, not families that are doing just fine.