Am I being selfish?

[nameoftheuser]

Loving gps are great with dts. I've recently gone back to work but planning on being a sahm. Gps think I'm being selfish because they've established a routine 3 days a week.

They love them to bits but don't respect me as a mum. When I said I was returning to work part time, mil asked why not full time. She also tried to discourage breastfeeding and picking them up when they were newborn - you'll spoil them.

It's too much I want to be with my dts. They are under 1 years old and I love being with them. Am I being selfish?

No way! They seem bonkers!

No of course not!
What's this "routine" the GPS have established 3 times a week?

YANBU. Establish boundaries and rules now. Are these both your parents and in laws behaving this way or just PIL?

No just pil. My parents say - do what you want and ignore them.

The routine is the 3 days they see gps.

You can’t get this time back. If being with your kids is important to you, stay at home with them x

I would start by cutting down the 3 days to 1 tbh. 3 is ridiculous. Do they take the twins or stay at your house?

Take.

So they mind your DTs while you work? That's an unfortunate arrangement to have if you're trying to assert your place as their DM.

I can't get this time back. People have said this to my mil too. Make the most because they'll be in school soon. Hello! I am mum!

I know. That's one of the reasons I'm leaving work.

Ah are they taking them 3 days while you're at work? Not just for the hell of it.

Will you still let them have them when you're a sahm? Maybe once a week?

Yes once a week is fine. But since they've had them for 3 days the comments and advice have ramped up.

**GreatDuckCookery

I would start by cutting down the 3 days to 1 tbh. 3 is ridiculous.**

^PIL were looking after the children whilst the mother worked.

How can it possibly be selfish to spend time with your own children? Different PILs would accuse you of being selfish for going back to work at all, and "abandoning" your babies! Basically you're trying to be the best parent you can and enjoy those creatures you sweated to produce. That's kind of natural. Don't let someone else try to snaffle them. They're yours.

Be calm and take a breath. They are your children not theirs. Whatever you say goes at the end of the day.

How old are they? They must have a lot of energy looking after one year old twins 3 times a week! Besides the point I know.

Thanks duck. I lolled ! I know! When i'm that age (older than retirement age ) I will hopefully be on a cruise somewhere ! 😂

I am grateful for their help before anyone says anything! But its not help if i dont want it. And yes i understand i will want it in the future.

Bloody hell they put me to shame

You're doing what's right for you and the dc and that's all that matters. If it suits you for the GPS to take them once a week for a morning or whatever to give you a bit of peace then great, if not you don't have to. I'm guessing you will be grateful of some down time though

Is your DH supportive, is he backing you up where his parents are concerned?

Yes he is but I think im more anxious than him. He said its up to me and he will support me.

Yes grateful of down time 😂🤷🏻‍♀️👍🏻

My in-laws loved minding their DGC when she was under 1. When she started toddling and got into everything, they soon found her exhausting and started to struggle.

so time, may solve your issue :)

That's good.

When are you planning on finishing work? When you know the date tell the GPS and nothing more. They will soon get the message. Good luck OP.

Thanks for your support.

Expect a little bit of a tantrum, and be ready for it. My PiL threw a tantrum in similar circumstances and I was totally unprepared, could only stutter and say "What?". So practise a few sentences about 'grateful for the help' blah blah blah 'but now I'll be looking after my twins full-time' blah blah 'of course you'll always be welcome' blah blah. Don't commit to any permanent arrangement though, because they'll hold you to it even if it doesn't suit. They sound controlling and you need to set boundaries.

How the flippin eck can you be said to be selfish for wanting to look after your own children?
Bonkers. Take no notice.