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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick Facebook attention seeking

61 replies

BumsexAtTheBingo · 15/11/2018 00:42

A boy from my sons class at school died in a road traffic accident at the beginning of this week.
He wasn’t a close friend of my sons but I would chat to his mum sometimes and obviously it’s a horrible thing to happen to someone so young and the children, teachers and school parents are all pretty shaken.
The mum hasn’t posted anything online about her ds’s death and from what I know of her she is a very private person. I have spoken to her briefly at the school since the accident and she is obviously absolutely broken but trying her best to keep things as normal as possible for her other children.
Today on SM I noticed that another class mum who posts about 10 statuses per day and is very loud and loves to be the centre of attention has posted on Facebook the details of the accident and how distraught she and her daughter are about the boys death - mentioning him by name.
This is followed by lots of her friends who didn’t even know the family saying how sorry they are and they hope she’s ok.
Aibu to think this is incredibly attention seeking and insensitive? I get that she is likely upset and shaken as everyone at the school is but this isn’t her news to be sharing and if the mum sees it (they aren’t Facebook friends) I’ve no doubt the level of detail would be upsetting. I’ve been in two minds as to whether to message her and ask her to take the post down but I know she won’t.
I’m honestly shocked at her behaviour. I’m used to her attention seeking statuses - yes she checks in at the hospital when she has an appointment! But using a child’s death to gain attention cor herself is a new low even for her.

OP posts:
Bubba1234 · 15/11/2018 00:45

Don’t engage with her it’s not worth the hassle.
Take flowers or a dish of food to the lady insteadFlowers

Cunnyfunt18 · 15/11/2018 00:46

Yanbu I agree with you, she hasn't for a second thought want that poor woman and her family must be going through its utterly disgusting using something so tragic and heartbreaking as this for her own personal gain

Cunnyfunt18 · 15/11/2018 00:48

Meant what not want **

SleepingStandingUp · 15/11/2018 00:49

I'd actually post on the status asmnd ask if the Mum is aware of what she's posting online

PositivelyPERF · 15/11/2018 00:50

There are always grief vampires on Facebook. They get their kicks and validation from all the ‘likes’ and 😢 faces that other dickheads put on their timeline. They don’t give a flying fuck about the dead person or their family.

tiddlyipom · 15/11/2018 00:50

Awful behaviour.
I actually would ask her to take the post down , it's not her place to post this, especially naming the child.
Grief Wanker of the highest order.

christmaaaas · 15/11/2018 00:55

That's disgusting

Lizadork · 15/11/2018 01:01

Sad Facebook brings out the worst in folk

Charliecatpaws · 15/11/2018 01:13

I’d PM her nd asker to remove the post, she has no right to post any details and it would be horribly distressful for the family, she’s an attention seeking CF

SuchAToDo · 15/11/2018 01:16

I'm not in Facebook so I'm not sure how things work on there, but is there anyway to report it to the school, say she isn't even close to the family and is using it for attention , naming the dead student etc and how it would be distressing if the dead child's family see it as they are a very private family? It's worth a try,

If she is as attention seeking as you say, then confronting her yourself may just turn into her using your message to garner sympathy from others about how you are targeting her while she is "grieving"

Also is there anyway to report to Facebook and have them make.her delete the info? Tell them.she isn't part of the child's family, not close.with the child's family, had posted information there including the dead child's name and that it will be upsetting and distressing for the child's family ...maybe they can take it down ?..it's worth trying and she won't know its you

sobeyondthehills · 15/11/2018 01:19

I have been through something similar, the main difference is the child didn't die.

I posted on their status, if you knew their family you would know the reason for it not being out there till they could contact all their family.

I wanted to add a fuck load more swearwords

1forAll74 · 15/11/2018 01:57

That was a dreadful thing to do, shame loaded on to that awful woman.
Sadly,there are many many people out there,who document their lives on Facebook, and some obviously,are not in their right minds when posting upsetting things like this.

PinsPegs · 15/11/2018 02:00

Why wouldn't you just message her a polite message saying that as far as you are aware the Family don't want anything posted on social media and suggest she take the post down? I would not be rude or demand she does it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/11/2018 02:17

I remember when my friends DD died. I saw a status about it on FB from my cousin, mentioning the girl by name. I messaged my cousin saying I didnt realise she knew the family and that if she wanted I would give her a lift to the funeral.

She didnt know the girl or the family but because it was tragic and local she "felt a connection". I would delete and block. I couldnt D&B my cousin (politics Hmm ) but I did unfollow her.

Feefeetrixabelle · 15/11/2018 06:24

Can you report the post to Facebook for removal

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 15/11/2018 06:31

Definitely message her. The mother hasn’t given her permission and it’s not her grief to publicly bang on about.

Blanchedupetitpois · 15/11/2018 06:48

That’s really shitty. No point in messaging her about it, but I agree it’s awful behaviour.

TheRenegadeMaster · 15/11/2018 06:55

Definitely not ok if the mum hasn't posted anything herself!

I would message her and ask if the mum knows she's posted as she hasn't posted herself ??

treaclesoda · 15/11/2018 06:56

I think it's terrible behaviour. But presumably the details of the accident have been reported in the local press etc so I'm not sure that posting about it will have broken any rules as such, because the information itself isn't confidential in any way.

Mind you, she has broken the rule of manners and decency, and that's far worse. Trying to make someone else's tragedy all about yourself is really low.

FruminousBandersnatch · 15/11/2018 07:08

That's awful. Please send her a message telling her it's really insensitive to post these details. She doesn't sound as though she's your friend so you have nothing to lose.

PyeWackets · 15/11/2018 07:10

She's a grief thief and there is nothing more distasteful.

strawberrisc · 15/11/2018 07:12

My Auntie is a grief vampire. Always posting stories of abused animals and children. Always first to post celebrity deaths. I unfollowed her.

NotACleverName · 15/11/2018 07:12

Don't PM her, call her out on the status itself. It's revolting [though sadly not surprising] that she's hijacking someone else's tragedy for likes.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/11/2018 07:13

Yes just PM her and say this tragedy is not a platform for her to gain even more attention than usual. Awful woman.

WhirlwindHugs · 15/11/2018 07:15

Message her and ask her to take it down. I have done this before, you're right is not on.