Sick Facebook attention seeking

[BumsexAtTheBingo]

A boy from my sons class at school died in a road traffic accident at the beginning of this week.
He wasn’t a close friend of my sons but I would chat to his mum sometimes and obviously it’s a horrible thing to happen to someone so young and the children, teachers and school parents are all pretty shaken.
The mum hasn’t posted anything online about her ds’s death and from what I know of her she is a very private person. I have spoken to her briefly at the school since the accident and she is obviously absolutely broken but trying her best to keep things as normal as possible for her other children.
Today on SM I noticed that another class mum who posts about 10 statuses per day and is very loud and loves to be the centre of attention has posted on Facebook the details of the accident and how distraught she and her daughter are about the boys death - mentioning him by name.
This is followed by lots of her friends who didn’t even know the family saying how sorry they are and they hope she’s ok.
Aibu to think this is incredibly attention seeking and insensitive? I get that she is likely upset and shaken as everyone at the school is but this isn’t her news to be sharing and if the mum sees it (they aren’t Facebook friends) I’ve no doubt the level of detail would be upsetting. I’ve been in two minds as to whether to message her and ask her to take the post down but I know she won’t.
I’m honestly shocked at her behaviour. I’m used to her attention seeking statuses - yes she checks in at the hospital when she has an appointment! But using a child’s death to gain attention cor herself is a new low even for her.

(I have done this, as in I've asked someone to take down a post about something private)

You don't know what the mum wants, and you aren't close to her yourself, so let everyone else get on with it and keep yourself to yourself.

Don't go round creating more trouble (and attention on yourself) by policing FB.

Just ignore it. If the other mum isn't on FB she won't know, and if she is, then that's up to her to deal with, she may not care in the scheme of things or even be touched, who knows?

I think it's crystal clear what you he family wants if none of them or their close friends have said anything on social media. They will be taking the lead from those closest.

The woman who posted the details is out of order. If the mum has decided to keep quiet, that should be respected.

A dreadful thing to happen, that poor mother and I understand everyone concerned with the school is shaken by it but it's up to the family to decide how it is talked about, or not. Stay out of it but carry on being nice.

Goodness, we never know the minute nor the hour, do we?

That's disgusting but unfortunately we all know 'that' person. My mum's friend is the same. A good friend of the family died and she put as her status, how she'd lost another good friend, cue all the 'thinking of you 'gentle hugs' blah blah. She wasn't her friend and didn't even come to the funeral.

I'd pm her and tell her straight as I would this friend if it was so bad.

Similar situation happened.. Then comes this FB me me me post. Yes the girl who posted is related to the family. But I know for fact they ve not even been round personally to support the parents as some kind of family rift. Still, the only condolences she got were from people with no connection or idea who concerned were. Which to me says everyone else who knows the truth was appalled. I'm not sure you will get anywhere by asking her to take it down. I think if they post like that, they have absolutely no awareness of others or their feelings.

Grief vultures, awful woman. Id personally focus your attention on the piir family who have lost their little boy, cooked meals, offers to help with the other kids, whatever you can help with i am sure would be appreciated.

Disregard this kind of people, you will be pissed by this kind of behavior. Much good to do in this kind of situation is you will comfort the mother who has lost his son. Love your kids, keep them safe and always keep an eye on them even if you are away. Keep tracking

Sorry i would have to say something to her (FB person)

YANBU
One of the reasons I’m not on Facebook. Can you block her?
I wouldn’t bother contacting her she probably doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong and will end up in a row.

YANBU. Some people have no grace.

Please OP pull this woman up on her self-centred ways.

Facebook sucks. It feeds the beast, doesn't it? It is the perfect platform for attention seekers who thrive on schadenfreude and the tragedies of others.
Focus on the mother who needs you most. What a dreadful loss. Be there for her.
I wouldn't give Little Miss #MeFirstAndForemost any attention at all. Don't even PM her.
Grief thief. This is a great phrase! I've never heard of this pyewackets and it sums her up perfectly!

I bloody hate this "grief hi-jacking" - the trouble is, there is nothing that anyone can do about it.

That poor family must be going through hell, and can do without the faux sympathy, so I see exactly where you are coming from, but I think trying to intervene will just make things worse.

This happens unfortunately my sil.died suddennly five years ago there was a court case and people who hadent bothered with het years were loving the drama awful behaviour.

I think I will try and report the post although I don’t know if it actually violates any Facebook rules. I’m not going to say anything to her - she won’t remove it and would likely just use it to post a further attention seeking status about people (me) PMing her saying she’s not allowed to be upset. Calling her out publicly on the status would make the grieving mum more likely to see it I think as I’m a mutual friend of both? Luckily no other school mums who are mutual friends have said anything (probably equally disgusted) so the mum is unlikely to see the status.
And to whoever posted saying that I don’t KNOW what the mum would want. That is true as we are acquaintances at best. But if it was me I certainly wouldn’t want someone using my grief to harvest Facebook attention for themselves. And I wouldn’t want to read the details of the accident which she must have heard from the school gate as they weren’t in the local news.

That’s awful. I can’t stand people who seem to relish posting awful sad stories on Facebook. I would call her out in the status, you don’t have to be rude but just say “grief thief mum are x’s family aware you are posting this? I understand x’s mum hasn’t actually made the details of x’s tragic accident public and I’m not sure she would want it all over Facebook”.

That's awful. As others have said it may be worth writing a message on her actual status. It's not okay for her to write the details. Yes she may be grieving too and yes she may want support (or she may just be an attention seeking cow) but I can't see what benefit there is of posting the details. The last thing the family needs to have that unexpectedly in their face.

I knew somebody who died in a tragic accident when I was a teenager. I wasn't massively close to the person but we were in the same group together. Even I broke down in tears every time I had the details thrown in my face (it was front page news of every newspaper for days) so I dread to think how her family must have felt!

I really hope the person posting on SM never has to find out how it feels to lose somebody close to you like that. She has no idea does she and just sounds totally self absorbed and selfish.

I hope your son is doing okay OP.

Sorry OP I must have x-posted. I totally understand not wanting to post on her status then. Do you know what her privacy settings are for that post - are they public or just friends?

I'd contact her and ask her to take the post down. It's absolutely not her place to post this, especially naming the child, and especially if the parejts haven't done so.

Stupid thoughtless grief vampire.

Those poor parents.

Yanbu but I wouldn't bother contacting her, it will just her more attention when she posts the 'can't believe someone was so callous as to suggest I should take this down' poor victim me post.
My Sil is like this, we nicknamed her the grief spongers - soaks up all the grief and condolences for herself. Love the term grief thief.
That poor, poor mum. Direct your energies there op instead - flowers, offer help or just a good listening ear

When something similar happened at my daughters school we were all specifically asked NOT to do anything like this and to my knowledge nobody did.
It’s awful when people do things like this

To be honest, I generally never understand people posting this sort of thing on FB, Instagram, Twitter or elsewhere even when it concerns them, let alone those, who are not directly involved. When my dad passed away few years ago, going on FB to announce it was the furthest thing from my mind, and today I still think it's quite an odd thought process a person has to go through to do that. Imagine someone really close to you dies. What is the first thought on your mind? Let me open FB or Twitter and change my status????? Doesn't that seem odd to you?

My colleague the other day mentioned on FB that her beloved aunt died, how sad she was at her passing and how she was so shocked, she was in a complete fog all day.... This all sounds very natural and very normal until you pause for a second and think that both the shock and the fog cleared for long enough not only to post this stuff on FB but also to reply to all comments!

I genuinely find all this very weird.

Exactly the same thing happened here.

The parents shared nothing. Another parent, not even a friend, posted on FB about how sad she was and of course got loads of people sympathising with HER! I was incensed at her insensitivity and attention seeking.

She has continued to do this on the anniversaries etc. SO crass.

When something similar happened at my daughters school we were all specifically asked NOT to do anything like this and to my knowledge nobody did.
It’s awful when people do things like this

I think this is a very good idea; perhaps you could alert the school so that they could put something in a newsletter about people broadcasting news not theirs to give.

Can you contact the school to let them know what has happened? Possibly nothing they can do, but they might be interventionalist if they are aware the chid's siblings might be affected by the post.

Meanwhile - how can you and the other mothers best support the mother concerned (FB post aside)? Ideas? I'm guessing many are avoiding because they don't know what to say?