AIBU to buy nice clothes only for myself

[SlinkyAndSilky]

Me, dd13 & DH.
I’ve just bought myself silk thermals and paid £100 for a set. I bought myself x2 pairs of cashmere socks. We are not rich. DH has x100 pairs of Asda socks. DD grows out of things every three months or loses them at school so I buy them basic things.

I have very few items, of good quality. Dd &Dh have masses of shitty things. Even given the explanation above, is this mean?

I was just exaggerating about 100 pairs of socks.

Are you sure it's an exaggeration? When I cleared out my partners clothes I filled one and a half 80litre bags with socks alone!! I would bet that is even more than 100 pairs And, to compound it, he used to complain he had 'nowhere to put anything'

Seems weird to buy luxury items for one adult and supermarket brands for the other.

I buy nic clothes for the children as well, it's only when they are babies and toddlers they grow out of things quickly. School aged children don't go up a size every three months or they would be in adult clothes in juniors.

I think it's ok, if you don't buy dozens of the luxury items and value and appreciate and look after them I dont think it's that different than buying lots of cheap items items and constantly replacing them.

I’ve just bought myself silk thermals and paid £100 for a set. I bought myself x2 pairs of cashmere socks. We are not rich.
Rich enough!

I used to go to Primark and the high street with friends when younger.
I’d get x 2 dresses, £20
3 tops on sale £6

Then some shoes somewhere £6
And this and that.

To spend £50 in a month this way would not make anyone’s eyes pop out of their head.

Now instead, I will shop only 4 times a year. My total spend is £200. I have bought x2 good things and I will have them for ten years, not ten washes.

It was a false economy.

Here is Terry Pratchett explaining it

The Sam Vimes "Boots" Theory of Economic Injustice runs thus:
^^ Samuel Vimes earned thirty-eight dollars a month as a Captain of the Watch, plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots, the sort that would last years and years, cost fifty dollars. This was beyond his pocket and the most he could hope for was an affordable pair of boots costing ten dollars, which might with luck last a year or so before he would need to resort to makeshift cardboard insoles so as to prolong the moment of shelling out another ten dollars.
Therefore over a period of ten years, he might have paid out a hundred dollars on boots, twice as much as the man who could afford fifty dollars up front ten years before. And he would still have wet feet.
Without any special rancour, Vimes stretched this theory to explain why Sybil Ramkin lived twice as comfortably as he did by spending about half as much every month.^

OP you sound very frugal if you only spend £200 a year on yourself.

The Sam Vimes "Boots" Theory of Economic Injustice

Yes, it's very expensive to be poor! TP got it, bless him.

I wouldn’t look at individual items, I’d look at over all spend. So if you are spending a fortune on yourself so they have to scrimp then that’s not on. .If they have same budget then I can’t see the problem. Incidentally I always factor in the ‘cost per wearing’ when calculating how much clothes cost.

I do this too. I hardly ever go shopping so when I do I buy nice quality stuff - I don’t think you’re BU at all. If he’s not bothered, and it works out the same, it’s not a problem.

I certainly wouldn't buy expensive things for a young teen who is going to grow out of them quickly/lose them/leave them on her bedroom floor/generally not take care of them. My two wouldn't have taken care of anything at that age - would have been a waste of money and just made me cross when they were lost/'lent to X who spilt Coke all down it', (that sort of excuse).

My dh doesn't want cashmere jumpers. He likes fleece. So am I buyinh selfish buying myself a cashmere jumper for £100 and him a fleece for £20?

My dh's underwear costs £10 for a pack of 3. Mine costs £35 for one. So am I being selfish buying myself bras?

I'm not sure what your AIBU is having read your updates?

You seem to be saying you buy a few expensive items that last a long time (so outlay per year is similar to buying cheap stuff more frequently), whereas your DD has more basic items because she grows out of them quickly and DH has more basic items because he doesn't care.

Yours is a sensible approach to shopping for clothes if you can afford initial outlay.
Not sure why you wouldn't encourage at least DH to do the same though - if he doesn't care about clothes, he'll be happy to have ones that last and he doesn't have to replace so frequently.

I’m still selling off dd’s pricey toddler-5yo clothes. As I sort them, I realise that bar a very few compliments from the European relatives, I wasted that money. Let alone the lovely bits I’ve bought for DH, who thinks nothing of pruning thorny bushes in a cashmere jumper. Completely wasted.

I get joy, value, meaning, individuality and deep satisfaction out of a quality garment. I wear, wash and store it carefully. I appreciate the way it was made, the materials, the talent, the labour. No other person in my household does any of that. If clothes have a value to them, it would probably be that it is the right size, and readily located in the drawer/cupboard when they need it. Ok, fine. So that’s what they get.

Enjoy your silk thermal underthings, if it wasn’t 34 degrees C here right now, I promise I’d be more envious!

'I’ve just bought myself silk thermals and paid £100 for a set.'

May I ask what set consists of?

Are we talking one top and bottom set 🤔

Cashmere socks really are a waste of money. They last about 2 weeks. Cashmere is not for socks.

You're fine, OP. I bought nice lambswool socks for OH and he wore them while painting the living room. No shoes. Got paint on them. Back to basics for him. Turns out I like good quality fabrics, he doesn't care and can't feel the difference. OTOH, he spends a fortune on outdoor gear. I think your silk underwear sounds wonderful, and I may copy you. Better than a drawer full of tatty faded misshapen thermals, which is what I have now.

We are the other way around. DH will buy £200 bespoke jeans while I usually buy Uniqlo. But he will only buy one or two new pairs a year, I will buy 3 or 4. He rarely buys new jumpers or shirts while I keep up with trends more so will buy a few items at the start of each season. Even his pants are more expensive than mine, as his are Calvin Klein and I just buy high street. It's about what suits you both.

I like expensive bras and knickers and DP likes George at Asda pants. My hobby is crochet ( not wildly expensive) DP's is cycling with very expensive bicycles.
We spend our own share of the money differently we are both happy with the arrangement. If this is your case fab, however, there is an issue if one persons spending upsets the other.

Do you buy your DH’s clothes?

Leaving aside your 13-year-old because there’s no sense in spending on wonderful quality for a growing teen who probably has fashion tastes that change regularly.

But unless YOU’RE choosing to only spend George at Asda prices on your DH whilst spending cashmere & silk prices on yourself then it’s nit unreasonable. If you & he have the same clothes budget per year then choose what you like and he can do the same.

Well I have some fleece lined winter ankle boots about 30 years old. Still going strong, and have been a good investment. Just a quick polish every year and they're good to go! I have icy feet all year round so cashmere is great for me. The socks do get holes in fairly quickly but I darn them, or wear over cotton socks to get that lovely light warmth round my ankles. I also have silk long johns and vest bought 20 years ago from Lands End. Other thermals seem itchy or sweaty compared to silk.

I would not dream of buying cashmere socks for my husband, with his sandpaper hooves. He is totally indifferent to fashion or luxury, so doesn't know he is missing anything. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all OP, you are setting a good example!

I think the key is in the word "enjoying". My friend and I have polar opposite views on clothes. She gets pleasure from buying expensive, high quality items. I get the same thrill from getting a bargain.

I would get no satisfaction from buying silk thermals but understand that someone else does.

There's a difference in doing it just for you because the others don't appreciate it and doing it for you leaving no money for anyone else.

In our house, we have the reverse. DH will spend a lot of money of a shirt, jeans or chinos - But he shops twice a year. I buy cheaper jeans and tops and have more of them because I like more choice and I shop quite regularly.

I can buy 4 pairs of jeans for my husband's 1 pair - but we choose to that. If I decided I wanted more expensive jeans, I would have less of them.

I think It's all about balance, like setting a budget for kids Christmas presents. 1 child may want 10 less expensive gifts and another will want 2 more expensive gifts. The total cost is the same, just tailored to the recipients wants/needs

I think yabu since you can't afford it really. But would you be angry if your dh spent £100 on items like this? If not then you can probably get away with it. If you'd be annoyed at him for spending the money on socks and underwear, yabu.

I think it's fine. Especially as you shop less and buy higher quality.

When buying for myself, I prefer to spend more on a genuinely high quality item that will last a few years rather than buy cheap stuff every year. Have to remember high price doesn't automatically equal high quality though!

I buy merino thermals - but I use them on mountains and sleeping in tents with Cubs etc. I bought 1 cashmere jumper once (cashmere mix, about 10% I reckon) but DH shrunk it in the wash on its second ever wash

We will spend money on decent gear that will last longer - so proper Helly Hanson sailing jackets for outdoors - because they will actually keep the water out.

But then, I will spend money on getting new zips (I split the zip on my work coat, an Ilse Jacobsen, and got that replaced), repairing tears, replacing buttons (ok, simple tears and buttons I can do myself), and also resoling shoes etc.

My feelings are that I would prefer to get actual good quality things that will do the job and last a long time, than a lot of cheaper ones that need far more replacing.

When DD was small and growing fast, she had LOTS of outfits and lots of those were H&M, Tesco, Dunnes, Penneys/Primark etc - wash and wear things - so we had options if life got in the way of washing and we still needed spares for crèche etc.

Now though, as she's bigger and not growing as fast (although still growing), she is also less hard on going through the knees as well, and we have far fewer outfits and they are of a higher quality. But she does a lot of outdoor activity and sport - hockey, sailing, scouts etc - so they need to do their job to protect her as well as cover her modesty.

DCousins are usually delighted to take cast offs, and I will buy in sales/outlets if I can.

As long as everyone is happy with what they have, then surely that's the important thing.

DCs have enough clothes.
DH has what he is comfortable in and is happy wearing.

You also have what you are comfortable in and will wear fewer things more frequently.

Overall, your budgets are probably similar. As long as, if DH suddenly decides he'd prefer a higher standard of something, he understands that he gets fewer of them, and is happy with that, then it sounds reasonable to me.

(And a good set of thermals, that are thin and don't impact on the outfit over them, can mean a much loved outfit for warmer times of year can continue on much later in the year and you can get a lot more use out of fewer clothes overall!!)