To demand my child's clothes back?

[laadedaa]

My PIL pick up my LO from nursery once a week. I send a spare outfit in his book bag to change into after nursery (it's a forest school so he's proper grubby when he comes out.)
Every god damned week I ask if they can send back his dirty clothes for me to wash. Every week they keep his clothes which means it stays there for the week (he only sees them once a week).
I either have to drive the half hour there and half hour back each week to pick up the clothes or just not have them for the week.
Yes I know they are doing me a favour by washing them. Yes I know that I could just buy two more outfits, but it's a bit annoying buying 2 extra trousers, jumpers, vests, pants and socks. He's growing so quickly that I'm forever buying clothes.
How do I politely stop the PIL holding his clothes hostage??

I'm with you OP. Go fish them out of their washing basket and say " I need his clothes back straight away each time, I don't want you to wash or keep them for a week at your house so please stop doing this"
Job done.

Two outfits? How if they only pick up once a week? They leave the dirty clothes but bring him back in the clean set you've provided.

What's the other set?

Can you not just sent pjs for him to put on after nursery then?

@GreatDuckCookery what does that mean exactly??

It’s not confrontation to ask if you can get your child’s clothes! It’s a conversation. Seriously, if you are not comfortable having a completely mundane conversation with your in-laws then you shouldn’t let them look after your dc. If there’s ever an actual issue you’ll just let them get on with it.

He comes home in PJs. I'll try asking AGAIN, like I do every week but then suggest I'll retrieve them from the laundry basket, I guess.

Let's hope there's none of their dirty knickers/pants mixed in.

What's the two sets then?

@sirzy no, they want proper clothes too, incase they want to take him to the park/shop.

If they're in the basket - oh do you mind nipping up to get them for me please

If they're in the washing machine - oh pop the kettle on then, I'll wait for them to be done

?

So you send a clean set of clothes AND pjs?

I expect the PIL sort of like doing your son's laundry and /or think they are doing you a favour.

Have you explained very clearly to them why you need to have them back? Say that you can't afford to buy more sets and also it will be a waste as he'll grow out of them.

Kindly and clearly spell it out - "Hey, PIL, Ive realised that you hanging on to DS's clothes when you pick him up isn't working FOR HIM. It means that HE doesn't have the right clothes for forest school and it would be a real waste to buy him more. I've put a laundry bag into his rucksack - would you mind popping his clothes into that next time? "

Key things are to stress that this is something that they will be doing for DS, and also making it sound like a new plan you need them to try (don't harp on about it being inconvenient in the past - this is a fresh start)

Then every time you pick him up, check the bag and say "can I grab his clothes to wash like we agreed?" Do this every time - if they have to ferret around in laundry baskets, this will might help them remember next time.

@GreatDuckCookery his nursery clothes and his change of outfit. He comes back in PJs.

Just talk to them and explain you're running low on clothes, that they don't need to wash them but just bag them up. Text to remind them the day they pick up!

"There's a bag for his dirty clothes in the backpack. Stick them in there please, do not wash them".

Can't you just say that OP? Not sure what the issue is with just telling them to do that.

And only send PJs from now on until they get the message!

The two sets is a bit confusing but it does all sound annoying since you’ve already asked. On the morning of collection perhaps send a text saying,’Hi PIL, I’ve left a plastic bag in DS’s bag for his dirty clothes- PLEASE pop them in for me as we are running out of nursery clothes if we leave a set of clothes with you each week. Have a great day and see you later.’

If they ignore that then you stand and wait while they fetch them. Even if they are in the wash.

@SendintheArdwolves
also making it sound like a new plan you need them to try (don't harp on about it being inconvenient in the past - this is a fresh start)

That's probably a good way to go about it actually. Thanks.

Just speak to them about it.

Sometimes things get left at my mums or mother in laws (they do a day each childcare) but we see them probably once a week each outside of this time so would just get it then.

Get your DM to babysit if there's no way around it?

They don’t sound very bright tbh. It’s pretty obvious you don’t hold onto 2 complete outfits. They are your ds’s clothes.

Can you text them? Leave a note in with the clean clothes?

I'd just be clear with them and explain that you need the clothes back and why. Acknowledge that you know they're doing you a favour by washing them but actually it leaves you short and you need them for the week, so please do not do it. No bead to be confrontational at all, it's a perfectly reasonable and sensible request from you, just be clear about it. And if they don't listen then rifle through the laundry basket. As pp have said, you'll only have to do that once 

Just stand your ground. Assertiveness is repeating what you want without getting angry or apologising.

You’re not asking for anything unreasonable, so it shouldn’t be a problem. If hey day they want to wash them just say “ that won’t work because he needs them for tomorrow/ Tuesday/ whenever.

If one more person posts 'just ask for them' I'm going to start screaming, and I wont be able to stop.

I would just be really honest with them, 'PIL, I really appreciate you washing DS's clothes but do you think you could just shove them in a bag and I'll take them when I collect him/you drop him off from now on? I keep losing track of what's where and ending up short of clothes for him'. Said pleasantly with a smile I don't see how that could cause offense and then you ask for them, every time until it becomes the norm.

Get a small drawstring bag and write 'DIRTY LAUNDRY' on it. Tell them that your DS is learning about taking care of himself and he needs to be helped to take his clothes off after school, our the dirty clothes in the bag, and leave the bag with his school bag so that it comes home with him.