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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take her?

43 replies

CandyCreeper · 14/11/2018 09:17

Dd has asd, she can not deal with a break in her routine, especially when it comes to school. she loves school and if she is sick so needs to be picked up early well all hell breaks loose! last time this happened she screamed and screamed, she kicked she was hitting the bus stop screaming (i couldnt get her on a bus for about 45 minutes) she wet herself (didnt tell me she needed to go) and was hysterical for around 3 hours after picking her up! she has had a tooth ache and hasnt been eating at school so i managed to get her an emergency apointment for today at 2pm only she is refusing to allow me to pick her up early. aibu to not take her to school? the problem is it means not taking my other 2. please dont be too harsh im not sure what else to do!

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 14/11/2018 09:20

Take them all to school as usual.If she refuses to be picked up, so be it. Maybe you can get an evening appointment?

Original poster
CandyCreeper · 14/11/2018 09:22

Think i will be charged if its cancelled now. This was the only appointment they have for a while they said and dds school have called me about it so worried il be seen as “not doing anything about it”

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 14/11/2018 09:24

I've not hit any experience with ASD, so feel free to ignore me. But would good old fashioned bribery work? DS2 was an extremely awkward child, so I used to resort to bribing him a with a treat. With him it was normally match attack cards. Is there anything she likes that might work?

Original poster
CandyCreeper · 14/11/2018 09:27

she has very limited understanding im afraid :(

OP posts:
Heratnumber7 · 14/11/2018 09:45

Why can't the other kids go to school if you keep DD home?

Racecardriver · 14/11/2018 09:47

Is there someone who could take the others to school?

Original poster
CandyCreeper · 14/11/2018 09:48

cant take them down to the school without taking her there, she wont allow it. anyway its too late now anyway i think so looks like i will just have to keep them all off 😩

OP posts:
Original poster
CandyCreeper · 14/11/2018 09:48

no i have no help.

OP posts:
ScottishMummy12 · 14/11/2018 09:49

In would keep them all off. Your dd needs seen by a dentist and missing one day won’t do them any harm.

IceRebel · 14/11/2018 09:50

I understand things must be difficult with your daughter but I don't think the other 2 should miss school because of her dentist appointment. I would keep her off to avoid the problems with picking her up early. If she all hell breaks loose because she's not at school you have all day to calm her down ready for the appointment. I really hope you manage to get her toothache sorted.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 14/11/2018 09:51

I was going to suggest bribery too.

If she HAS to go all I would suggest is taking her out earlier to allow the time to get her to the appointment. Maybe at lunch time?

I wouldn't keep all the children off school.

2littleguineas · 14/11/2018 09:53

I think under the circumstances you've made the right decision, what you went through previously with dd sounds very traumatic for her.
I can't see the problem once it's not a regular occurrence, sometimes needs must.

IceRebel · 14/11/2018 09:54

How old are the other 2 children?

Heratnumber7 · 14/11/2018 09:59

I would say that you need to work on finding yourself some support to call on in difficult situations like this, even if you have to pay for it.
Situations like this are not going to go away and you can't keep all the kids off school every time one has a change of routine. Routines will change more often as the children get older and express their own choices about what to do, when.
Other DCs will start to resent the impact on their own lives too if they have to accommodate DDs ASD.
It's difficult for you - you have my sympathy.

Original poster
CandyCreeper · 14/11/2018 10:05

the school know how difficult she is, once it took 3 teachers almost an hour to physically remove her from the school as she was refusing to come home. no help as i said and i cant afford to pay anyone. the other two are in reception and year 2.

OP posts:
Frogsrus · 14/11/2018 10:10

Do you know any of the reception or year 2 mums? Can you message one of them and ask them to pop the others to school? I'd happily help in this situation. If not I'd definitely keep them all off just to minimise the stress for you and dd.

How old is she?

Heratnumber7 · 14/11/2018 10:13

I agree. Get pally with other parents. They'll support you if you support them in return.
Honestly, if you don't find support from somewhere, it's going to be hard to cope long term.
Where is/are the children's father(s)?

gamerchick · 14/11/2018 10:13

A bit late but yes I would have kept them all off if there wasn't anyone else to take the others.

With ASD, sometimes you just have to go with what works for minimum disruption. It's the way it is.

Original poster
CandyCreeper · 14/11/2018 10:14

im not friends with any of them other than a quick hello. DD is 7

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 14/11/2018 10:15

You really need someone to help, a friend or someone, if you were near me I would definitely help you, it must be so hard. You've made the decision now I hope the school are understanding about it. Maybe they can find you some help?

ReadMyLipss · 14/11/2018 10:17

Don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you're doing the best you can in a very tough situation and you're making the best decisions you're able to.

One day off for your other children won't do then any long term harm.

Again, don't be too hard on yourself and I doubt anyone would judge you too harshly.

Loyaultemelie · 14/11/2018 11:15

You did exactly the right thing I can't see anything else you could have done

flossieisbossy · 14/11/2018 11:22

You poor thing CandyCreeper I don't think you had a choice really
Hopefully the school will give your children an authorised absence
Hope the appointment goes well

Original poster
CandyCreeper · 14/11/2018 12:16

Thanks I feel better about it now, I know it just would have been too hard. shes even refusing to go the the dentist now as she wants her teeth to fall out so the tooth fairy will come 😩 .

To answer a pp their father is completely absent through choice.

OP posts:
Cheeeeislifenow · 14/11/2018 12:26

Can you get involved with a local support group op? Sounds like you could use. Some support.