To ask how people afford to have a family...

[TiredMumma88]

DH and I earn £57k as a household.

Outgoings are c. £2.5k per month (household bills, travel, food and childcare).

DS is 19months old and we'd love to have another but cannot for the life of us see how we could afford it.

PILs have DS a couple of days per week while we're at work so we only currently pay for 3 days nursery, but after doing some major maths - whether I go back to work or not after we still won't have enough to pay the mortgage...

How do people do it??

@idontbelieveinthemoon over 90% of children attend state schools for instance

With difficulty.

I have no idea how we are going to fund the childcare costs of DC2. But equally, we can't afford for one of us to be a SAHP (and my mental health wouldn't survive it).

Our mortgage is less than rent, if we want to live in a decent area anyway.

Oh come on, are you counting things like state schools and NHS as examples of not supporting their own children? 😂

Wait for the 30 free hours, save like billio, wait until school, make sacrifices like going back to work FT after the first to further my career

Racecardriver So you mean to wholly privately fund a family.

Not many people in the country do this, at all.

There is no issue with state schools, or utilising the NHS? But I'm more than certain these aren't the kind of costs that the OP is referring to.

@feafultill have you looked at school fees recently? Even at cheaper schools they would be crippling for most families. The vast majority don’t earn enough not to rely on state schools, free hours childcare, nhs, child benefit etc. Some to a greater extent, some to a lesser extent but in order to support a multi child family one needs to either be a high Warner or willing to take on a lot of debt.

@Racecardriver sorry but not being able to afford private education does not mean you are struggling financially. Private education is a luxury that only 7% of U.K. school children have - of course private school is crippling for most families.

You seem to be counting state funded amenities such as state school, nhs etc as 'having help' but people pay for these with their tax. I disagree that relying on these means you can't afford to have a family.

Your pil already have dc1 for 2 days?
Then you Have a better than most people.
we never had any help.
I'm sure you can wiggle the figures a bit.

@Racecardriver I don't think those luxuries are the sort of immediate costs the OP was referring to.

Honestly some people just don’t but the desire to have a child outweighs the financial pitfalls for them.

If time is on your side fertility wise you could always leave a bigger gap and wait until your eldest is in school, that’s a solid six hours of free childcare a day if you like (plus breakfast/after school clubs at a small cost).

@Qforcucimber @fearfitful yes, that my point. Having children and actually paying for them yourself is completely unaffordable for the majority of people in Britain. Thankfully the state steps in but the users of these systems aren’t ‘paying for them with their tax’ if they were we wouldn’t be running a deficit.

We were on a similar income to you before we had our daughter. We could have moved to a bigger house with a larger mortgage but we chose not to. Our mortgage is around £700pm (3 bed terraced house on a quiet square, south England). I think that is the main reason why we are able to afford 2 children and for me not to work.

Buying a second hand car which doesn't require a big finance agreement. Cutting down on luxuries such as holidays abroad, takeaways, expensive clothing etc.

Buying clothes and toys second hand. Buying food which is reduced or on special offer, avoiding big brands on basics, cooking from scratch rather than ready meals or meals out. I'm sure you already do some of this, but I'm just thinking of ways we have changed in order to afford it.

@hellraising I just meant that most of us go into it with the means to support a family and hope for the best

We were on a lower income to you and got barely any help towards childcare costs as it was 14 years ago when the rules were different. We were flat broke but coped by living in an area other people wouldn’t touch, driving an old banger, no holidays, no sky, PAYG basic phones, any clothes from charity shop, Lidl for shopping and 3k debt. It was tough but once they started school it got easier. On your income you can afford another child but you may need to move etc. It’s hard to say without knowing more information about your mortgage etc

You do talk some shite Racecardriver.

They don’t. The rely on the state to provide for a family. The costs of raising children are so high that the vast majority couldn’t affect rd even one child if they paid for everything themselves

Seriously? In what way?
I’m pregnant with my third and we’ve never so much as been eligible for child benefit.

What’s your take home pay a month?

What spending money do you currently have ‘left over’ after mortgage/bills?

Wait until you have free childcare or when DC is at school. DH and I earn similar before tax. We are soo frugal, we only spend on the necessary things. We only just bought a house this year but even whilst renting a small flat, etc, we still couldn’t afford another child till now, (All our family live abroad so no help with childcare). DD was 5 in July and our second child is just due in Dec and that will be the last as I don’t think I can do this all over again in 4 years.

And our costs won't come down when DS goes to school. Wrap around and holiday care will be similar to nursery fees. In some ways it is worth sending him tot he local prep as the fees are similar and they do pre and post school care as part of it.

@Racecardriver people accept these things because they exist. People don't budget for education, medical bills etc. because they don't need to.

If they didn't exist there would be other things in place. This does not mean that you cannot afford to have a child.

Well it helps if you have your second once your first is entitled to funded hours in nursery, then you take mat leave and by the time your paying care for your second one the first is in school. Not easy but you’re far from the worst off. Cut down on your outgoings?

Do people really find childcare costs go down when they are at school?

And that renting is cheaper than a mortgage? (discounting the initial deposit issue, for example a couple who buys before starting a family)

This is certainly not our experience.

Roughly same salary and similar outgoings...the answer is, you just do.

you adjust and accommodate realistically. There are months when we are doing ok and are able to treat ourselves to a night out or something, and there are other months when we have to be more careful...

£2.5k is very high, and so is your leftover disposable so i don't know where your money is going

Don't forget about free hours at the term after they are 3.

You cut your coat according to your cloth. Ours are now 21 and 16 and we’re only now starting to feel a bit better off financially.
We based our mortgage on 1 salary so I could go part time, amd it wasn’t a massive salary, but me going part time massively cut our expenses
Dh amd I worked opposite shifts, He came in from work and I went out to work, still do that to a degree. We didn’t have much of a social life, or spend much on ourselves. Life changes and you just manage.
Saying that, I also have 5 years between children which I think helped financially