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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being U ?

46 replies

the8thHorcrux · 13/11/2018 06:59

DH has a work trip next week to another country which requires a visa. He meant to go to the embassy yesterday but forgot his passport at home. He called me to bring it for him but I was at school (reception English seminar) and my phone was on silent. Now there isn't enough time to process the visa and he is going to miss the trip. He is sulking saying it's all my fault because I didn't answer the phone. not just sulking saying horrible things as well. Apparently I'm jealous of his trips , I'm a SAHM by the way.
Who is being U here?

OP posts:
lifecouldbeadream · 13/11/2018 07:02

Him..... his work. His responsibility

Finfintytint · 13/11/2018 07:02

He is being unreasonable. He's a grown up. Surely remembering to bring your own passport for a visa application is a grown up thing to do?

Palegreenstars · 13/11/2018 07:02

Clear HBU - he forgot his passport and is being rude to you? That’s unacceptable. Is this s one off?

RChick · 13/11/2018 07:03

DH is being UR. He forgot the passport!

Workreturner · 13/11/2018 07:03

How long was the seminar?

He’s in the wrong, but be honest - could you have helped him?

CanuckBC · 13/11/2018 07:03

He is! FFS, he is a grown ass man responsible for his own stuff. He knew he needed a visa so should have made sure he had the paperwork and reauiremenslts (passport!!!) to get one.

You are his wife, not at his beck and call when he so chooses. You were busy. F’ him.

Blanchedupetitpois · 13/11/2018 07:03

He is! He fucked up which means he needed an unexpected favour from you; he doesn’t get to be annoyed that you aren’t on permanent standby to be at his beck and call! Sounds like he needs to grow up and get himself organised

Eeeeek2 · 13/11/2018 07:04

Him, you are not his personal secretary.

Original poster
the8thHorcrux · 13/11/2018 07:05

I could've helped him if I knew he was calling, but my phone was on silent, because that's what I usually do when I'm at school attending something.

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 13/11/2018 07:08

Wht horrible things is he saying?
Entirely his own doing.

Original poster
the8thHorcrux · 13/11/2018 07:11

Calling names, muttering all night. He has a form of blaming others and can't see his own mistakes.

OP posts:
BiscuitDrama · 13/11/2018 07:13

Could he not have phoned the school to get them to find you?

Shoxfordian · 13/11/2018 07:13

He's a knob

swingofthings · 13/11/2018 07:18

He's stressed and it clearly shows by him forgetting something so essential. It might à massive impact on his work, which thrm impacts on his ability to support his famy.

He really is angry with himself but taking out on you. Of course it's not fair and he shouldn't do it but it's hard to be in a hugely stressful situation.

Best way too deal with is to say that you totally understand how frustrating it must have been for him and it was bad luck you happen to not be in a position to help but that passing his frustration by being unkind is not going to make him feel any better long term and is upsetting you.

If it's a one off, move on, if not, he needs to consider the damage stress might have on him.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/11/2018 07:19

Well it's obviously his responsibility

I am wondering if you were obstructive though? Did he leave a message you got after an hour and then did you not call him back?

JustJoinedRightNow · 13/11/2018 07:24

Who cares if the OP had time to answer her phone later and get there - she IS NOT his secretary. It’s nice to help each other out, sure, but if she’s unavailable then she’s unavailable. This is not your fault in any way shape or form OP. Don’t listen to anyone who says this is anything remotely to do with you.
And don’t let this be about being a SAHM either. You’re not doing it to be his personal assistant. You’re looking after the kids which I presume was why you were at their school attending something.
This is solely his fault and you should be the one being cross at being blamed for the this. Unbelievable.

Workreturner · 13/11/2018 07:24

Phoned the school to find her?!!

Op how long was this seminar? Surely you checked phone when out or a break?

Original poster
the8thHorcrux · 13/11/2018 07:30

I checked it after an hour and called him, but it was too late as he missed the embassy appointment.

OP posts:
ScottCheggJnr · 13/11/2018 07:31

Not your fault at all!

Finfintytint · 13/11/2018 07:33

Am I the only one who doesn't check their phone regularly to see if husband has fucked up?

RhiWrites · 13/11/2018 07:34

So he would have expected you to answer phone, rush out of your seminar, go home and rush passport to him in an hour?

He is U.

Workreturner · 13/11/2018 07:34

Not your fault in the slightest then!

Antigon · 13/11/2018 07:38

The same old posters telling the woman she should have done better Hmm

OP, it's NOT your fault, he's a pathetic man child who needs to own his own crap.

Do NOT apologise
Do NOT make him feel better

Why the fuck didn't he go and get it himself? Why did you need to bring it to him?

Antigon · 13/11/2018 07:39

Am I the only one who doesn't check their phone regularly to see if husband has fucked up?

Me neither FinFin! Then again my husband wouldn't have dreamed of asking me to sort out his fuck ups if he can fix it himself.

Miscible · 13/11/2018 07:41

He's also an idiot for leaving it so late, unless he was asked to go at short notice.

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