Who is being U ?

[the8thHorcrux]

DH has a work trip next week to another country which requires a visa. He meant to go to the embassy yesterday but forgot his passport at home. He called me to bring it for him but I was at school (reception English seminar) and my phone was on silent. Now there isn't enough time to process the visa and he is going to miss the trip. He is sulking saying it's all my fault because I didn't answer the phone. not just sulking saying horrible things as well. Apparently I'm jealous of his trips , I'm a SAHM by the way.
Who is being U here?

swingofthings

He's stressed and it clearly shows by him forgetting something so essential. It might à massive impact on his work, which thrm impacts on his ability to support his famy.

He really is angry with himself but taking out on you. Of course it's not fair and he shouldn't do it but it's hard to be in a hugely stressful situation.

Best way too deal with is to say that you totally understand how frustrating it must have been for him and it was bad luck you happen to not be in a position to help but that passing his frustration by being unkind is not going to make him feel any better long term and is upsetting you.

Flaming Nora! Maybe the OP could have Walk On Me tattooed on her forehead as well.

I cannot believe people are criticising the OP for turning her phone off during a meeting. That’s just basic good manners.

And as for her DH blaming her, works fail me. If he cannot remember to take his passport when going to collect a visa that’s entirely his own responsibility. OP is a SAHM not a personal assistant or butler.

I don’t blame her DH for being angry and frustrated. It was an ambarrassing mistake which might well reflect badly on him at work. If my DH made a similar error it could have long term financial consequences for his employers and us as it could lead to the loss of a client contract. However his anger should be directed at himself not his wife. I hope as he calms down he will realise that and apologise for being so U.

Surely if he was expecting you to find his passport and get it to him, once it became clear that you were unavailable it would have been worth him coming home to get it and then going back! Or did he just sit there waiting for you to appear?

His mistake. YANBU. He owes you an apology for his behaviour as well.

The person entirely to blame is the adult who forgot to take their passport to get a visa (I’ve never needed a visa in my life but would still have enough bloody common sense to realise the passport is essential!)

You weren’t ignoring him deliberately. You were busy.

Is he always so horrible to you?

Op, clearly he's being unreasonable, he should have called the embassy and rearranged then went and got his passport. It's a fuck up of his making.

I have to get visas for work travel sometimes, and so far I've never forgotten to take my passport, thank fully, but if I'd tried to phone my husband and he was not available I can't for the life of me think I would then decide it Was his fault

And I'm sure if the genders were reversed the posters trying to excuse him wouldn't be excusing a female acting like he is.

Tell him to man up, take some personal responsibility, he's an adult and you're not his hand maiden.

Am I the only one who doesn't check their phone regularly to see if husband has fucked up?
No you are not.

Most schools have a phone off policy (or at least on silent) so she was entirely correct to not have her phone on or be checking it whilst at school. In this instance she did absolutely nothing wrong

He of course is frustrated and upset but its is ENTIRELY his fault. Being upset is ok taking it out on your and being horrible is not.

Totally his fault. You did nothing wrong at all.

He's completely out of order with his behaviour towards you.

Not sure why people are questioning if you could have done something differently.

@Loonoon

I cannot believe people are criticising the OP for turning her phone off during a meeting. That’s just basic good manners.

Who’s doing that?

He is being unreasonable. His work, his responsibility. Too bad he forgot. How could he blame you for this?!

If my phone went off during a seminar or meeting at school I would have been kicked out its that strict about it, same as if they see you using it at drop off/pick up, you're not allowed your phone in your hand when you walk in

He is being VU - and a rude cunt. You're not psychic. You're not at his beck and call all day. His fault for forgeting the passport and leaving it until the last minute.

Nasty. Is he always like this? What do you get out of your relationship?

Obviously couples try and help each other out as much as they can, but it was his responsibility to sort the visa and if he hadn't forgotten the passport in the first place then he wouldn't have needed to ask you for help so god knows how he's come to the conclusion it's your fault.

So he left it till the last minute as it was, botched that up and blames you?

I leave things until the last minute and forget things. The only person I blame is myself. It drives me nuts.

Will he be in trouble with work?

When you weren’t able to answer your phone surely he would have left work immediately, collected it and gone to the embassy meeting or if timing didn’t work for that called the embassy to see if he could get a later appointment- all the kinds of things an independent adult would do to resolve the situation! Definitely not your fault OP.

Forgetting his passport when going to get a visa is pretty stupid. I'd have been patting my pocket the whole way there to make sure it was with me.

I'm astonished how these clueless types manage to hold down important jobs. None of this is your fault and if he's name calling he's not just clueless he's a clueless arsehole.

Keep asking him why he didn't remember his passport. What a twerp.

Tell him, in no uncertain terms, to get lost! How dare he blame you? Being a SAHP doesn’t mean you’re also his personal maid.

What a knob. Presumably he only realised as he was at the Embassy? His fault entirely!

My DP would forget something vital like a passport. He would then ring me to ask me to sort out his life/mistakes, knowing that I would, and do, bend over backwards to bail him out of his cluelessness (I know, I know - but it works for us). The difference is that if I didn't answer my phone because I was in a meeting/at school/had no signal, he would absolutely not be pissed off with me about it. He would just be pissed off with himself.