To be on the verge of tears at this text from a parent in DC’s class?

[Milomonster]

DS is 7 and has Asperger’s. Backstory - a new parent last year sent me a stroppy email asking me to speak to my child as there were some issues with his son. I wrote back and told her he struggles socially due to his ASD but that he’d made massive progress. Anyway, she’s blanked me ever since.

Since Friday, she’s been making loads of noise on the class whatsapp about her son’s lost uniform. She’s revived lots of advice where to look. I stay quiet on the channel. I then receive this text from her:

Dear Milo, your DS said that he took my son’s tracksuit top by mistake last Friday. Can you please ask him to bring it tomorrow at school?
Bitchmum

I replied straight away to ask who he said it to. No reply. I called her and asked her again and she said her son said it. I told her I would have noticed and had he brought it back home, I’d have sent it back straight away. She proceed to ask where she should look (she’s asked on the chat).

I’m really upset as I feel DS was an easy target to accuse and my boy was accused of stealing. I asked him if he’d been asked about the top and he couldn’t understand why his mum mentioned his name. He’s never once taken a child’s things and is careful with his own.

I feel I need to speak to the Mum in person and tell her I did t appreciate the accusatory time. Or am I reading too much into it? I know kids say all sorts but then to have presented it as fact is nuts.

AIBU?

*accusatory tone.

She didn’t accuse him of stealing though, did she? She said he had picked it up by accident. Sounds like her tone wasn’t great and she should have checked the facts instead of accepting her son’s version, but if you interpret a mistake on her part as a malicious accusation of theft you’ll look like a maniac.

Just clearly say that you're sorry that it's missing, but there must be crossed wires, because MiloDS hasn't brought home any extra kit from school and you are always careful to check his bags as he comes in from school. Wish her luck in tracking it down. End of conversation.

Honestly I do think you are reading a bit much into it because of your history with this mum. We all get messages of this sort from our various year groups. Kids do list stuff and swap things and take things home by accident (I've just found another boy's shorts in my DS's drawer tonight!) and I really doubt she was accusing him of stealing.

I wouldn’t engage at all and if she asks just say “oh I had a check at home and we don’t have it” after you’ve checked with your son that he hasn’t picked it up by accident.

*lose not list 🙄

You should have perhaps just replied - I am afraid your son must be mistaken. DS has not got his top nor did he say he has.

Dear Bitchmum, Ds does not have your son’s clothing. Hope it turns up Milo

Ps Eat shit and die

Thanks for the reality check. I think I’m just very sensitive about DS and his difficulties at school.

I think you’ve got your point across, and while I see and appreciate why you want to talk to her again, I would try to resist the urge.

Check your boy’s bag just in case it’s got squashed in there and you can say you’ve looked if she approaches you.

Don’t discuss it with the mum, she isn’t going to change her view. Talk to school about it - they can find out what has happened and keep an eye on the situation and what is happening in school and can deal with any issues there and then. This isn’t going to be the last time she raises an issue so each time refer it back to school. I’ve been on the receiving end of messages through Facebook. The parent in question believes their child can do no wrong even when the staff in school have witnessed it. Each time I say I will raise it with school and fully support their approach.

Meant to strikethrough the last bit but my iphone wouldnt let me, dont include that

Let school deal with it. PE kit is at school not home, so how can you do anything about it? It does seem unfair she is accusing your son so I would reply something like ‘PE kits go missing all the time at school, I will ask the teachers to look into this on your behalf, of course if my son has accidentally picked up your sons too I am very sorry, but confident that school can sort it out in an appropriate way.’

It doesn’t accuse him of stealing. It says he took it by mistake. Obviously some kind of mix up.
And this is why parents should report “issues” to school and not email parents etc.

It’s a different and more expensive version of uniform and so I would have noticed straight away. But anyway, I’m just being an idiot and needed perspective.

Just to clarify agree with the others about the lost item but it sounds from earlier messages that they see your son as an issue so anything else refer to school.

This will all be in the tone... one way to look at it would be her son has lost something. She is grumpy with him and says it's your son. Some kids she pushed into a corner will give any name... And won't be truthful. It depends how she askd about the next bit and when it was snappy... or exasperated... iyswim. This would be the stance I would take had there not been previous tension. ... but given 'blanking I would be a little defensive and cautious too.

Thanks for the advice re directing it to school. I think as she received advice on the channel, I hadn’t thought of directing it to school.

I don’t think you are being an idiot - sounds like this Mum has been a cow in the past so it’s understandable you’re sensitive about her. Sorry that I sounded harsh in my first post

If it helps- any half way decent person would feel slightly embarrassed about making an unfounded accusation and then being corrected.

Unless she’s a total knob, she’s probably a bit red faced at the moment.

I think you are probably being over sensitive

Oh you're being far too sensitive and making this all about you. Kids take things home by accident, your child said he took it home by accident, other mum is being totally normal and polite and said nothing about stealing! Sorry you'rere upset but it's not her fault. And what does your child's Asperger's have to do with it?

@blance no offense taken. I appreciate the different views.

@iwant you clearly haven’t read my first post. He hasn’t taken it by accident or otherwise.
The Asperger’s was mentioned as it was part of the backstory.

Class whatsapp group? Is this a thing now?