To wonder why I’m so unlikable?

[WeirdHandDryers]

Could never make friends at school, wasn’t bullied but was one of those kids that the others rolled their eyes at.
had a couple of friends at uni but we’ve fallen out of touch.
I have no friends at work.

The lack of friends doesn’t bother me as such as I’m a loner anyway but this morning, went into the office, was blanked completely by one member of staff ... thought fair enough ... as I was walking out, another member of staff was walking towards me, she pulled a face and avoided eye contact as she walked past. Never said a word. I smiled at her and even that wasn’t returned. I’ve had no crossed words with anyone.
Why?!
It makes me not want to work as I don’t want to be around anyone. Fair enough if I’m disliked but I’d st least like to know why?
Sorry for the rant, feeling fed up and pissed off.

I can empathize, OP. I’ve always found others hard to read, when I was in Reception my teacher wanted me to “see someone” as my social skills with peers were so poor but my mum said no. I can usually make a few acquaintances but never make the leap to proper friends.

I’m quite financially comfortable and work for pocket money (holiday spending money) rather than paying bills. Maybe it upsets people?

Are you the sort of person who would tell work colleagues that fact about yourself?

Perhaps they are bitches op? and You are one of the ones they bitch about?
particularly as you are quirky.
are you part time?

Well if you go round telling those facts about yourself op no wonder you are struggling socially. It makes you sound smug and superior to others and you are showing off.

Is it possible you are accidentally blanking your colleagues when you see them outside? I do this all the time, and I know it is rude, but certainly not intentional. Luckily they just shout "Oi! DUCHESS!" and poke me until I acknowledge them, but if they were easily offended they could make an issue of it.

Is there anyone who you can just ask for a bit of brutal honesty from? Someone who has your best interests at heart and can have that difficult conversation with you?

The fact that you have struggled with this your whole life suggests it is something to do with you. :/

There are probably steps you can take to improve people's reaction to you, its just about finding them out.

If you think you're "on the spectrum", it may well mean that you have difficulty with communication, not reading the body language, or not understanding the real message rather than the literal message. Things that have helped me are reading a lot of the self help books on transactional analysis, "EQ", and so on- anything that talks about why people react as they do. MN, too - it gives a wonderful insight into the range of things people can get offended at.

I never talk money, ever. It’s just a conclusion they maybe take from my holidays vs work pattern. I’m bank so basically work when I want and don’t work if I don’t feel like it. It works for me and means they don’t have to pay me sick etc

ahhh in my experience a lot of people can be pathetic twats about part time workers. More to pump up their own ego (the type who boasts about working 300 hour weeks).

A lot of what you have said I can also relate to. I don't have any friends and I always wonder 'what's wrong with me?' I'm not bitchy or strange, I am friendly to others and don't think I'm rude at all but yet I haven't made any friends from any jobs I've had and have 0 long term friends from school or college. Others have replied saying they relate but then say they have some friends, which I can't relate to because when I say I have no friends...I literally mean NO friends. If I wanted to go to the cinema, I'd have to go alone. If I wanted to go out for a drink, I'd have to do that alone. Same with everything else. I'm 35 weeks pregnant and had one acquaintance from years ago say congratulations when I told her but that's it. I'd love a baby shower but what's the point when no one would show up other than my own mother? I have had anxiety and depression before so I guess this would effect my ability to approach others and I have always struggled with starting conversations. People have probably thought I've been rude to them because I struggle so much with establishing a conversation starter but tbh I feel like it's not just my responsibility to start conversations, it's also down to the other person! So I'd say to the OP, don't give yourself such a hard time about not having friends and if people don't approach you Don't straight away assume you're the problem, it might be their problem. Let's be honest, a lot of people in the work place environment can be cliquey and bitchy so I wouldn't take it personally. If you want friends, I'd suggest taking up a hobby outside of work and you could possible meet people who you relate too?
I'm probably more anti social than you as now I just don't care if I have any friends, I just don't bother going out and physically trying to make friends. I went to a pregnancy club last month after being talked into it by my midwife and that's enough socialising for me for the next few years and yet, I didn't partake in much conversation. Don't get me wrong, I was friendly with people who talked to me but that was only one woman out of the 12-15 there but again, seemed quite cliquey as those women have been going through out their whole pregnancy and know each other where as I rocked up at 31 weeks give or take. I felt out of place and the odd one out, sitting there in silence while the other women talk about their lives to each other. I don't mind though, I've got use to it by now!

OP friends are not everything, you can enjoy your time without them. Fill your time up with enjoyable things and don't rely on company for happiness. Maybe one day we'll both have a good group of friends but if not, it's not the end of the world and we should accept ourselves for who we are. If someone doesn't want to talk to us because they judge us quickly, that's not our problem.

Good luck!

WeirdHandDryers

What's going on?

The night out thing.
Now the work thing.

Are you ok?
Might you perhaps be reading into things that aren't going on?
Overthinking perhaps?

Did your mother and father have friends? Friendship has been studied and found to be learned behaviour which we usually learn from our parents and family.

Or course if you are “on the spectrum” and have some undiagnosed condition that’s something completely different.

Otherwise you can get feedback and learn to make friends.

@MirriVan Are you ME???😱😱😱

Perhaps you need to step back and just stop caring so much?

Bright and breezy is the way to go 'good morning' greeting and then head down and get on with your work. 'Good night' as you breeze out. These are work colleagues, not friends.

You're not a Millwall supporter are you?
Seriously though I reckon on some level it's jealousy. For whatever reason. I hope you are quirky. Normal people like quirky

You are most probably Not, unlikable at all. You have said here, that you are a bit of a loner, sounds like me really. If you tend to be quiet and a bit shy, people sometimes form opinions about you,as you are not like them as in pretentious or overly into all things.

Sometimes,in places of work. there is a pack mentality, more like a sheep mentality! and if you don't adhere to this, you become an outsider.

But your last words, feeling fed up and pissed off,, well don't be. you are your own person.. you need to like yourself, is the key to all things.

If some people ignore you at times. it doesn't mean that you are unlikable, it means that they are crappy rude people,and are self absorbed.