We have 2 dc, ds (8) and dd (2). Well behaved, polite, very normal children, eat well, get a bit rowdy at times but know how to behave in other people's homes.
Dh's family live a 4 hour drive away. I get on well with pil, but no denying his mum can be high maintenance and doesn't deal well with life. Nonetheless I see her good points, she's lovely when she relaxes a bit. Fil is much more laid back. They're mid 70s, both in good health - although they've had scares etc.
They've made it clear that if we visit we can't stay at theirs (big house, 2 of them rattling around in it, by far the easiest place to stay when we visit) because his mil can't deal with disruption and will be on edge having a toddler around. Their house is a show home, everything pristine etc. This, I can just about accept. Long ago we accepted that she's not really an 'active' grandparent and she doesn't cope well with children. If we hadn't accepted this we'd have fallen out. We haven't seen dh's sisters for around a year so thought we'd visit before Christmas, as we're staying local this year and won't see them otherwise. We sorted dates and will stay with one of his sisters.
Dh talked to his mum a few days ago and said "well, obviously we'll be staying with X at her house, but we'll pop over to yours on the Saturday for a cuppa and a catch up". Mil: "Oh you will, will you? We'll see about that."
Dh: "Um, excuse me??"
Mil: "I've said before, I can't cope with you all here."
Dh: "But we're talking about popping over for an hour or two, not staying at yours."
Mil: "Well, I was thinking we'll go out somewhere instead"
Dh: " Well, great if we can but you live in the north and it'll be December, so what happens if it's miserable weather and we can't go out for a walk? We don't really want to come up and sit in the same house all weekend, it's not fair on dsis and it's not fair on the dc - if we go out, it will have to be a child friendly indoor activity, which we know you don't enjoy."
Anyway, it was a difficult conversation and to dh's credit he tried to leave it on good terms. Nonetheless we have both been left feeling very upset and quite angry to know that we are not welcome in their house, at all, with our dc.
Dh spoke to fil yesterday hoping he'd be the more reasonable one. But he's basically said we should visit in the summer when there are outside things to do, then it wouldn't be a problem (although we still couldn't stay at theirs). The reason we didn't visit in the summer was because they came down to see us, but his sister's didn't. In between various holidays, work (we both work ft, his parents are retired) school etc it wasn't possible. As it is, we'll be travelling up on a Friday night after work/ school.
His dad has made us feel we've been unreasonable, but are we?
There is no back story. They are always welcome in our home, we always get on well when we see them (providing it's on mil's terms). We just thought it was time we made an effort to see them all, particularly as we haven't seen his sisters for so long as they haven't visited us. We toyed with not bothering at all, but we do want to see his sisters, who are looking forward to seeing us all. I just know that the whole weekend will be taken over by mil trying to dictate where we should go and what we should do (think visits to stately homes...)