To ask how to tell DD (3) that DDog has died

[snarferson]

DDog is very poorly and the vet thinks she has liver cancer. She's being scanned tomorrow and if it is that she will be put to sleep. DD is 3 and has been asking loads of questions about death lately and it's scaring her. I assume this has come from nursery. I've simply said she (DD) won't die for a long long time. I don't know what to say to her about DDog than she's died. She knows DDog is poorly. She adores DDog. We all do Heartbroken.

Honestly I'd tell her the truth. That DDog was/is very sick. That the vet couldn't make DDog better and that he died. Kids need to experience death and be reassured about their feelings around it/allowed to work them through. It won't be easy but it's the best thing for her.

Are you religious at all? Has anyone else in the family died that you could say DDog has gone to be with? A lot of folk talk about dogs going over Rainbow bridge where they can play forever. Maybe something like that?

Don’t try and soften it. use the word died and avoid ‘put to sleep’ or sleeping. You don’t want her to be afraid to sleep.

I'm so sorry about your dog.
Your DD is younger than ours but when our cats have died we have made it clear that it's ok to be upset, cry, be angry etc etc but it was very important to talk to us.
The vet gave us some fur and did paw prints for us. DC chose some pictures they particularly liked and we did an album each for them . Thinking of you

Barnados have a nice downloadable leaflet with advice in.
<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.barnardos.org.uk/child_bereavement_booklet_explaining_death.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwji_tXN0czeAhVjCMAKHfTAAmkQFjAPegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw1x4a1hxdEt1VulhvX5rRco" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.barnardos.org.uk/child_bereavement_booklet_explaining_death.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwji_tXN0czeAhVjCMAKHfTAAmkQFjAPegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw1x4a1hxdEt1VulhvX5rRco

Tell her the truth. It’s a fact of life that is inescapable. Obviously be soft with it. We explained death to my 4 year old son because someone we knew died. He knows that when you die you don’t see them again but you can think of them and the happy memories and you will always have them in your heart. A bit cheesy but appropriate for a young child. I believe in heaven (good catholic girl) and told my son that the person we knew who’d died was happy and comfortable and would be in heaven forever and if he looked up into the sky then that’s where heaven is

Ever since mine have been little we have spoken about pet animals i.e dogs, cats, rabbits etc not living as long as humans so they only come to live with us for their lifetime not ours so there is always a yime we will have yo say goodbye. We are very not religious so dont do heaven or gone to a better place. We just say theu were very poorly and the vet couldnt make them better and so they have died. We can't see them again but we can think about them and remember them whenever we want.

Just be honest.Our ds age 4 asked questions about our previous dog and we explained she had died,wasn't well etc.Of course he didn't entirely understand but he accepted it as she wasn't coming back which I think it's as much as you can do at that age really

I mean obviously the booklet applies to the death of a person but i think the advice is applicable to a pet. But I agree with chasedbybees avoid skirting round it/using unclear language

The Blue Cross have some good advice. Have a google.
I’m sorry you’re facing this.

Thank you everyone. We are not religious but I might say that DDog has died and gone to heaven (I don't believe in heaven but it will soften it). I'm ashamed to admit that I did consider lying to her. She will be very upset.
I'm hoping it won't be cancer but the vet is pretty certain and she's very poorly right now.

If your child doesn’t believe in heaven then it’s a confusing time to introduce the idea. I did use the Blue Cross info when we lost our cat.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Losing a pet is so hard. I would avoid telling your DD that DDog is being "put to sleep" or using the word "sleep" at all - I remember someone describing dying like sleeping to me as a child and I was afraid to go to sleep. I would be honest and tell her that your dog was very sick and old, and so she passed away but she's not in pain anymore. If you believe in an afterlife, maybe have a google of the Rainbow Bridge. That always comforted me when our cat died when I was small. And someone mentioned before about making a photo album - that's a good idea. Especially if you have photos of your DD and DDog together.

DD has never heard of heaven. I don't want to confuse her.
The blue cross leaflet was helpful. Thank you.

Sorry you’re going through it. We told our ds who was about 4 at the time that the cat (who he adored) was very very sick and that sometimes the vet doctors couldn’t make it better But now the cat wasn’t in pain anymore and could be at peace.

it really is an awful time and it was a really hard choice so I’m sorry that you’re having to through it but it is the right thing to do.

Im a cop out with this. Ive told DC that all animals go back to live with their animal family when they get older.

DC thinks our cat is going back to look after her kittens & she is only living with us for a long holiday.

Sadly DDog is not old - she's 7

my dm told me our cat when to live on a farm, i remembered that for years, and was totally ok with it.

Look at:
GoodbyeMog- Judith Kerr
Always and Forever- debi gilori
The Memory Tree

All helpful with dealing with death with a child.

Please don't lie to her. I have personal experience of this being a bad idea..

also worth looking at is an episode of topsy and tim on iplayer when mossy dog dies. x

Myself and DP have agreed not to lie to her. Thank you all. It's so difficult.

Awww so sorry OP. How did the scan go?

She's there now. Still waiting for the call. Thanks for asking.

Thinking of you.