To ask how to tell DD (3) that DDog has died

[snarferson]

DDog is very poorly and the vet thinks she has liver cancer. She's being scanned tomorrow and if it is that she will be put to sleep. DD is 3 and has been asking loads of questions about death lately and it's scaring her. I assume this has come from nursery. I've simply said she (DD) won't die for a long long time. I don't know what to say to her about DDog than she's died. She knows DDog is poorly. She adores DDog. We all do Heartbroken.

You may find something helpful to you both on here, I first found a leaflet in the waiting area at the vet hospital.

www.theralphsite.com/

Sorry you are going through this. Pets can become so ingrained in the family it can really hurt.

I hope it's not bad news but if it is I'm glad you have DH for support.

. As hard as it you you have to be 100% honest with her. Its not the sort of thing thing you xou hide from her anyway. She's going to notice the dog has gone.
Also don't use words like put to sleep in her mind shell be thinking oh he might wake up soon
You can say 'Hes gone to heaven but to a child heaven could like saying He's gone to lve in Australia or some where Make sure she knows that dying and going to heaven to live with the angels and God means he can't come back. When my mum had a mc she just said "The baby wasn't ready" for years I thought 'I wonder when when the baby will be ready'

I lied to my 3 year old as our dog died on Christmas Eve and I just couldn't explain before Xmas.

Anyway, my lie was that the dog had gone to live in a farm. Which was fine until he seen an identical dog and went running over to it saying our dogs name.

Basically if you can tell the truth, please do

I don't have a dog but I do have a 3 nearly year old. If a pet died I'd tell mine that they'd gone to live on a farm or similar. I think 3 is a little too young to understand death. Obviously if a close relative died that would be different but if you can get away with not opening up a whole can of worms, for example being frightened of mummy dying too etc etc I would. If the child was a little older I'd obviously tell them gently, I just think 3 is a little young to understand.

But like I said though. If you're not 100% honest it does give them that false hope. Like NY mum obviously unintentionally of course did with me

DDog is gone. Told DD she was very sick and she died. She then asked if only dogs die and I said no. She then asked if she gets sick will she die. I said you have to be VERY VERY sick to die. She seems ok so far.

Sorry for your loss

I think though the loss of a pet as devastating as it is does help to teach them about death and grief.
X

Sorry for your loss @snarferson

When my dad died, I told DS that my dad had an illness called cancer, that some people got it and got better, but that a few people couldn't be treated and were too ill, so they died.

He asked if children got it, and I could honestly say that it was very rare for children to get it, and most people who died of it were very old.

He got the idea of this - I wanted to tell him it was cancer, because he thought "being ill" was a cold, or tummy bug, and I didn't want him panicking.

Not sure if your DD would understand that?

Oh OP I’m so sorry I had everything crossed for DDog, but thank you for making the decision to let her go with dignity. I think you handled telling your DD very sensitively.

I am so so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you and your DD handled it great. It’s so hard. Thinking of you.

She had a big tumour in her heart and a smaller one on her liver. Her heart was surrounded with fluid which was making her so weak. We were looking in the wrong place all along She is no longer suffering. She was a very special dog.

Be honest, she will be upset but you can reassure her that ddog was ill and they tried what they could. Do let her do something to mark this eg making a memorial, scattering ashes, plant a tree.

Oh bless her. And bless you for putting her first and doing the right thing. Sounds like even if you had looked in exactly the right place the outcome would sadly have been the same. I’m so sorry. They leave such a hole.

I’m so very sorry about your loss OP
We aren’t religious and have used the circle of life idea to try to explain death to the kids. I use leaves dying on the tree in winter and then new ones being born as an example. That everyone dies but holding the memories of their life keeps them with us and helps celebrate the love they gave to us.
You’ve done brilliantly to be honest with her. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m afraid kids this age do ask again and again about death, and that can be very difficult for your grieving.

Thank you everyone. DD is asleep now.