To ask what would be the perfect antenatal class content

[m4rdybum]

I think IABU in expecting too much from my antenatal class - went to our first free NHS session last week. Came away from the labour session not having learnt anything really - and a bit disappointed we hadn't been told any nitty gritty stuff (like the famed finger up the bum check from Mumsnet).

That being said, I know they're only ever really going to talk about a straight forward birth and wont dwell too much on complications so they don't set about mass hysteria in a room full of pregnant women.

As someone who's on her first baby, I obviously dont have hindsight to know what I'd want to be told, but think I'd like to be told a little more about;

• Low level complications
• A deeper look at side effects of pain relief
• Breathing (sounds daft I know)
• Self care after the birth (first wees, poos, stitches care)
• Basic baby looking after (I know eventually it will be second nature)

There's probably loads more but I just can't think of them. I think really, what I'm disappointed in is the seeming lack of honesty/reality in the talk so far. It was more like a science lesson.

What would be something you think should be discussed in antenatal classes?

We did NCT and spent several sessions on birth (natural unassisted birth of course, with emphasis on questioning everything the midwives would tell us and resisting pain relief...) But it wasn't until our babies were here that we realised how little we were prepared for what to do when they arrived.

A session on not only basic baby care (changing nappies, safe sleep) but actually a chat about how a day with a baby looks would have been really helpful. Talking about the fact that small babies can't stay awake for very long, talking about cluster feeding: once we had our babies labour was behind us and we felt clueless about the practicalities.

NCT varies massively I know but mine covered all of that, there are good ones out there. Bits that stick in my mind were a nappy change race and each of us drawing a chart of how much time of the day a baby would take up (spoiler alert: lots). We also role played a C section with the aim of explaining who would likely be in the room & what their roles were, that was a good one.

How you find the good non-judgemental NCT leaders I do not know, but they’re out there!

I had my antenatal day yesterday (I'm a 4th timer, but its DP's first) and there were a few things I'd have added.

I'd have talked more about recovery after birth and about the importance of not forgetting your relationship with your DP/H in the crazy post birth and baby madness.

No one said anything about actually enjoying it! Having a new baby is awesome! Bloody hard, but such an adventure.

When do they stick a finger up your bum? I've had two children and no fingers went up my bum at any stage of childbirth.

My NHS classes were pretty rubbish, but my NCT ones were mostly very useful, and I went to an amazing NHS breastfeeding class which explained how breastfeeding worked and then went through lots of common breastfeeding problems, when they were likely to occur, how to spot them, who to contact and how they could be solved.

The most at useful things at the antenatal classes I went to were learning about how birth works (so things like why it's important to feel safe, and how different positions have different effects) and looking at different interventions and the proud and cons so that we could have a good idea of when/why they might be useful.

Also, things to expect in the first week or so of having a newborn, like how much sleep is too much, and what the cord stump should do, and not to freak out if there is blood/red in their nappies, and what point should look like. And what to expect postnatally with your own body.

My NCT classes were much more like this described by Judge rules. We also went into detail about what a caesarian would be like, and learned how to change nappies and plan a day with a young baby.

not to freak out if there is blood/red in their nappies

Oh yes, I remember a colour print out of all the types of nappy we should expect, that was gross and extremely useful

I think it would be helpful to discuss how your relationship is going to change after a baby. Get couples to discuss who is going to get up in the night when one of you has gone back to work but the other is too tired to cope. Discuss who will do the housework and cooking and how free time like hobbies is going to be allocated. It's difficult to imagine how much a baby is going to impact on your day to day life - when they are little and only want to sleep on you and cry whenever you put them down its difficult to get a shower or anything and I think this causes issues for the one who has been at work who thinks the baby just sleeps all day so why is the house messy etc

I'd also have an honest discussion on the pros and cons of breastfeeding, the difficulties likely to be faced and how to overcome these

Both of these were only briefly touched upon by nct

@BroomstickOfLove - I've seen it talked about a lot on here. Like in the thread below;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/1926917-Finger-up-the-bum-surprise

Session 1: how to survive the first weeks

• sleep, how to encourage it, how to survive without it
• nappies, and clothing options
• how to wash a baby, how to sterilise stuff, why not to panic when dirt gets on your baby
• basic health worries, warnings and advice (herpes, meningitis, croup, allergies, baby acne, gunky eyes, what poo should look like)

Session 2: feeding

• why breast is good and bottle is bad
• why bottle is good and breast is bad
• mechanics of breastfeeding: Positions, cluster feeding, expressing, low supply/over supply, how to donate milk.
• mechanics of bottle feeding: choosing a bottle,

winding, colic, choosing a formula, timings.

Session 3: Birth

• where (home, MLU, labour ward)
• when - induction or overdue
• how - painkillers, c section, water births, alternative therapies, hypnobirthing
• things that men can do to help support birth

Session 4: New Dad session

• how not to be a selfish cunt and spend all your time on your hobby
• why your partner now comes before your mum
• the absolute bare fucking minimum you need to do can be summed up thusly "never sit down for the evening whilst your partner is still doing housework".
• opting out is not a morally acceptable option
• how to work to the mantra that you are supporting your partner supporting the baby.
• 5 reasons why you shouldn't moan about being tired to your exclusively breastfeeding wife (1. She'll fucking kill you. 2. She'll fucking kill you. 3...)
• ways your relationship may struggle (tiredness, hormones affecting sex drive, why mum might feel "touched out" and her boobs will be off limits, changes to mum's body confidence/image and how to help)
• emotional care for him and her.
• reasons not to take anything out of the nappy bag without letting your partner know in advance (1. She'll need it in an emergency and it won't be there and she'll fucking kill you. 2. She'll fucking kill you. 3...)

The sessions I did a few years ago covered all that, but the woman doing them was so fucking patronising and she kept making us guess answers to questions. Eg:

"How long does an average stage 3 labour last? Anyone? Anyone?"

We'd all still be there now as skeletons if my husband hadn't stuck his hand up and guessed. Then she'd laugh at what he guessed and ask if anyone else knew the answer, and he'd give it another punt until the stupid woman gave up and would huffily tell us "actually it's 2 hours". This took up so much time when really I'd like to have learnt something rather than feeling like some thicko. And the message was very much "don't come to hospital unless you're on the brink of giving birth. Don't come unless you can see the baby sticking out, even then try and last a bit longer at home.".